The Memior of Lynn: Junior Year

Lynn is almost done with high school. She just has to make it though the next two years and then she is off to travel the world and explore the wonderful world of college and life outside of Virginia. She thought she had it easy but she must have been horribly wrong because now nothing is going the way that she planned. He mothers cancer returned just when they both thought all of that was out of their lives forever.

Then she meets Adam Wilson. He is nice, listens to her, and is an awesome friend. But then things get more serious and she doesn’t know how to deal with it all.

This is a typical story about a teenage girl finding herself in a confusing place, something that everyone can relate too. I am positive that you all will love it!

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15. January 23, 2012

              Lynn had found a note in her locker early this morning. It was a random act that she didn’t know how to respond to but decided to check it out. The note was notebook paper that had been ripped in fourths and written on. There was a phone number on the note that she didn’t recognize just on memory along with a little, handwritten notation at the bottom. When she had opened her locker at the time, the piece of paper fell to the floor and she was lucky enough to see it, otherwise the note would have been lost forever.

               “Call this number when you get home this afternoon. It is important. Have a nice day, Lynn,” The note said. The handwriting was sloppy, resembling that of the male gender. Knots have been tied in the pit of her stomach ever since she found the note and she was slightly eager to get home and find out what the deal was. A part of her was also scared as well because the anonymity of the note made her realize that it could be from anyone and the fact that she had no clue who could possibly have written it, and a boy at that.  

               As Lynn walked her way up her driveway to her house, she thought about these things. She thought of whom the mysterious person was that wrote the note. She also thought about her day and Chemistry class in particular. Lynn feels stupid for thinking that Rae is mad at her for some reason, but she has good reasoning for feeling this way. Lately Rae has been giving Lynn the cold shoulder and Lynn doesn’t know if she can hold in her opinions of hate much longer.

               The next thing Lynn knew, the ringing of the other line sounded in her right ear. She must’ve dialed the number without thinking and now she wondered if this was the right thing to do or not. She had no clue as to who would pick up the other line and it still frightened her to the core. There was a click though the connection as someone picked up the other line, followed by the deafening sound of silence.

               “Hello?” Lynn asked to whoever was just sitting there listening to her breathing, slightly creeping her out. She could faintly hear the movements of the person and part of her felt that she knew who was there as they searched for the right words to start with.

               “Adam?” Lynn asked, “Adam? Is that you over there?” There was a heavy sigh.

               “Hey,” The voice said. Lynn knew that it was Adam by the sound of his voice, scratchy and low-toned. She didn’t know how to feel about this right now, but what she did know was that that one word made her body ache for him. She didn’t know if she would be able to control her emotions so she found herself clenching her fists at her sides, her fingers turning white to the lack of blood circulation in her fingertips.

               “What do you want?” She asked him, more confused and hurt than mean.

               “I wanted to see how you are doing lately, I guess.”

               “You guess? What does that mean?” Lynn couldn’t help but fight the words out without the urge to cry. She wanted to, badly, but she knew that it would change anything. She didn’t want him to apologize to her out of guilt so she held it back.

               “It means that I wanted to see how you were doing.”

               “Well, I am fine. Why do you even care?” Anger was the substitute to hide Lynn’s pain, but she wished that she didn’t have to use this tactic to keep her sanity with her.

               “Somebody is still angry.” He said through the phone, not to her but more to himself.

               “Like I have said already. Why do you even care?”

               “Can you come over here for a while? I am home alone for most of the night.”

               “My parents will be back at 7:30 PM.”

               “That is more than enough time for this.” Lynn was confused.

               “Enough time for what?” Lynn asked. Adam couldn’t be this nice without a catch. Lynn knew him too well, but she was too curious about all the secrecy to pass up the offer. Lynn wanted to say yes, but she knew for a fact that it would only take one comment from him to push her over the edge. Lynn felt that she was doing pretty well at hiding all the pain that she felt but there was only so much time before she exploded with emotions and she didn’t want that to happen with someone close to her watching.  

               “Can you come over or what?” he sounded irritated.

               “It depends what you want, I guess.” Lynn’s voice faded in and out with uncertainty, but she knew that if she had said know that Adam would do something to upset her even further.

               “Come on. Why are you so mad at me still? It isn’t as if we were actually together, right?” Lynn honestly did not have a clue as to why everything he did upset her so much. All she knew was that it hurt to watch him live his life without her.

               “Fine. I will be over in thirty minutes.” She hung up after that, not even wanting to hear his voice and afraid of what she would say if she had. Lynn doesn’t have a vehicle of any kind so she decided to walk the five miles to his house. Her mother would be knocked out with medicine she takes ever day when she first walks in the door and she sleeps the rest of the night. Her dad is never in the house, just his office, and her brother would care if she were gone or not. It saddened Lynn that she could just walk out the front door any time of the day or night and her family wouldn’t seem to notice. The sadness in her mind has now spread throughout the rest of her body which makes it feel as if her body is running the five miles instead of walking them. Her body is tired and at the halfway point of the trip, she contemplates the idea of crawling into the ditch along the side of the road and sleeping.

               She was on his doorstep now. Before she could manage to ring the doorbell, she was surprised as Adam opened the door himself. At this moment, Lynn didn’t know why she was even hear it he first place. What made her act so mindlessly that she just walked over here, and close to night fall at that? She didn’t know how to react to seeing his face, but Lynn made sure to avoid his eye contact which she knew very well was the one thing that would pull her back in. She stared at the forest green tee shirt that he happened to be wearing at the time. She could feel her body heating up as Adam’s eye trailed all over her body which just made her even more uncomfortable. She crossed her arms over her chest out of this discomfort.

               “I’m here. What do you want?” She started off with, her eyes still staring down at his chest. She didn’t trust herself right now, and avoiding eye contact was the best option right now. Part of her just wanted to run back home, but she knew that wouldn’t solve anything. She knew he would just keep bothering her until she talked, so she stayed where she stood.

               “You.” He said. She didn’t know how to take it. Did he mean that he wanted her physically or more emotionally than that? She didn’t have the slightest. She could probably get her answer by looking in his eyes and seeing how he truly feels behind the figurative mask that people use, but she still continued admiring his forest green chest. Lynn didn’t know how to respond to his response either, so she said the first thing that came to her mind.

               “Are you going to let me in or are we just gonna stand here the whole night and stare at each other.” She said to him. He didn’t react. No jumping to her sudden outburst. Nothing. He just stepped aside and Lynn let herself into his home. It was a simple house on the inside. The simple living room followed by the simple kitchen that it attached to.

               “Here, let’s go to my room so my brother doesn’t eavesdrop on us.” He said this with a heavy sigh.

               “I didn’t know you had a brother.” Lynn said, questioningly.

               “Yeah. He is kind of a pain in the butt.”

               “Oh.” It was all Lynn could get out before she was being dragged down the long hallway to their left. Shivers shot themselves throughout her whole body as she looked down to see Adam’s fingers intertwining themselves around hers. She wanted to pull back, but there was that small part of her subconscious that keeping telling her over and over that she should stay. She didn’t want to listen to them, but she knew that she secretly wanted to. Lynn knew that she just had to stay strong and started with deep breaths to calm her body’s many emotions.

               Adam’s room was pretty simple too, and she wondered how she had never stepped foot into his room until just this second. The walls were a dark blue that resembled that of a summer sky, and his twin sized bed was pushed against the far right corner of the room with a window conveniently just along that same wall as well. There was also a television across for the bed, along the same wall as the one Lynn currently stood next to as she leaned against the door frame.

               “Come in. Shut the door,” Adam said, demanding yet kind. She did as she was told and managed to lock the door as well. She stayed facing the door for a couple seconds longer that she intended to and questioned herself what was even happening. She had no idea how she got to this point and it seemed that the more she tried to think up the events of the day, the harder it became. She didn’t want to be here anymore. She wanted to go home, and this feeling grew and grew inside her chest which made it harder for her to breathe. The tightness in her chest grew to her throat, and she felt as if she were about to cry. She forced all the flooding of emotions to the pit of her stomach and turned around to face him.

               “What do you want? Tell me why I am even here.” She now realized that she has been asking the same question repeatedly, but she didn’t know what else she could say and she also wanted an answer.

               “I already told you what I want. I said I wanted you.” She didn’t want to believe his words. He couldn’t mean that he was choosing her because all throughout Lynn’s life, she has never been someone’s first choice. She has accepted it over the years that she will never be picked first. She wished that she was, but she just knew that it would never be. So, Lynn knew that there had to be a catch to this nice foreplay Adam was currently conducting, but she also knew that she couldn’t hide her true feelings forever.

               “I don’t believe you. You haven’t even said you were sorry yet.”

               “I didn’t do anything though.” Lynn was shocked that he believed this. Did he really think that he was the victim in this situation? Granted, yes, Lynn was over reacting just a tad, but she knew she had a real reason to be upset here. She knew she was not imagining that part. She just had to keep telling herself that.

               “You hurt me, Adam,” She said this as she crossed the room and sat next to him on the bed. She was determined to test her strength. She had to push her limits if she were to keep her ground, not cower at the door and hope for the best. She continued speaking once she was positive that Adam was not to reply.

               “I liked you a lot. I wanted to be with you and you chose some other girl. You chose her. I didn’t do anything wrong here. You used me. I never used you, Adam.” She could feel that he was watching her as she fiddled with the sleeves of the hoodie that she is wearing. She still couldn’t seem to make eye contact and she knew that he was bound to notice eventually, so she managed to turn to face him, giving off the impression that she is listening and just nervous.

               “You say all of this in the past tense.”

               “Yeah? What is your point?”

               “My point is that you still wish these things. That is definitely true; otherwise you would be looking at me right now and not your shirt.”

               “I can’t.”

               “You can’t what? You can’t look at me when you speak? Does it really bother you that bad that we are talking?”

               “I just can’t. I don’t know what you expect me to say here.”

               “I want you to say what you want. What you really want.”

               “I can’t.” Lynn found herself standing up and making her way to the door. She felt as if her body was running, but stuck in slow motion and the more she tried for the door, the further away it seemed. Adam’s hand brushed against her shoulder as she stood up and their fingers intertwined once again. The tightness in her neck just kept getting tighter and tighter with every given second that passed by. Her body was on fire out of nerves and anger, and she just knew that her face was bright crimson red by now. He stood up from the bed, turning her body to face his. No matter how much force she tried in opposing his, she didn’t get anywhere. His hands were placed firmly on her arms, holding her in place.

               “You can’t what?” He asked again. She found herself admiring Adam’s chest again as she thought of what to say next. She felt speechless. She tried to get the words out, but it seemed her mind had escaped her and she let out a heavy sigh as a response.

               “I can’t fall for you again. I just cannot do it, Adam. Like I said, I don’t know what you expect me to say. We have already been through this.”

               “You never stopped. You wouldn’t be so upset if you had stopped liking me.”

               “That isn’t true. You hurt my feelings. That is what you did.”

               “No. You loved me and I asked someone else out. That is what I did.” Then it hit her. She wasn’t upset because he asked some other girl out that she has never met before. She wasn’t upset with the fact that she had to shut him out of her life or that he had hurt her. Yes, he had hurt her feelings, but that wasn’t the real reason that she was so upset with him. That wasn’t the reason that she just could not seem to find the courage to do the simple task of looking him in the eyes.

               I love him, she thought to herself. Why had it taken so long for her to realize this? She was in love with Adam Wilson and that is why she was so upset. It hurt to know that he probably doesn’t love her back, or that she had lost him.

               “Oh,” she said, speechless. She hadn’t known was else to say really, and she couldn’t get anything more out before she pulled Adam to her and pressed their lips together in a passionate embrace. She felt the warmth build inside of her, filling itself within ever crevice of her body. Her face grew hot when she felt his lips press themselves back to hers as he was returning the favor. She felt her mouth curl up into a smirk of a smile as they continued to kiss each other. It was as if she hadn’t realize she was kissing someone who was already taken by another girl and she pushed herself away, her right hand pressed firmly against his chest to prevent him from moving forward yet again.

               “I’m sorry,” She moved her gaze to the ground out of embarrassment for her actions.

               “It’s fine,” Adam said as he tried to move towards her again. Lynn pushed him back slightly, not enough to hurt, and took a step back herself as well.

               “We can’t.”

               “Why not? It was good.” He said to her, smiling faintly, but a bit of hurt in his eyes that she had stopped him.

               “You have a girlfriend. I should not have done that. I’m sorry.”

               “You say that too much.”

               “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

               “I told you that it was fine.” He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. Lynn was much weaker than Adam and couldn’t stop the falling that resulted from him pulling her in. She fell with a grunt as her face hit his chest and it seemed that the more she struggled, the more hopeless she seemed. He used the fingers of his left hand to raise her face to his, him wanting more of her kisses, but Lynn moved her face aside and he ended up kissing her cheek. She still felt her face growing hotter and hotter to this kiss, but a bit better that he missed her lips.

               “I told you we can’t do that. You have a girlfriend. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

               “What she won’t know won’t hurt her, right? Who says she has to know?” Part of Lynn felt that he was right, in a way. Lynn didn’t know if these thoughts were right or is she just wanted to be with him. Maybe he was just using her for sex, but at this time, Lynn was just happy that he thought of her first. She felt a warmth inside of her that was special to Adam’s touch upon her skin, and she would take any chance to feel that warmth any second of any minute of the days she had left.

               There was a silence that rang in her ears before she felt his lips press against her forehead. She let out a heavy sigh that filled that silence and Adam’s lips curled up into a smile as he could feel her giving into his charm. When she looked up, her sight lasted for half a second before they resumed to their kisses. This time the kissing of the two was more intense and heated, however, and Lynn felt this heated intensity as she pressed her lips slightly harder against his. Adam’s fingers were trailing their way slowly under her sides, underneath the tee-shirt she happened to be wearing and her body shivered to this touch. Lynn could feel the need, for Adam to be with her, growling inside of her body, at the pit of her stomach, as if a wild, hormone raged animal were ready to attack. She knew that she wasn’t great at hiding these feelings from him. He always found a way to push her even further, but that is what Lynn liked about Adam.

               Their bodies were noticeable closer to the bed than they were just a couple of seconds ago, and once she felt they were close enough, Lynn pushed Adam down atop this bed of many sheets and pillows. Adam smiled as Lynn climbed her way atop his body. For a second, Lynn wondered if this fantasy were even real. She felt the hot sun of one of her dreams shine down against their bodies and as she paid attention even more to details. She noticed Adam to be shirtless now. She felt the pressure of his lower body pressing itself upwards to her inner thighs and made shivers shoot throughout her sensitive skin. The trailing of Adam’s fingers up and down her sides made noises escape her lips, ones she has never experienced before in such an intense way.  The hot sand surrounded them and she engulfed herself into one of her dreams, not caring if it were reality or not, but knowing that these dreams she had constantly were not just dreams. This dream was real and it seemed that for once Lynn was the happiest that she could ever be as she heard the faint sound of her jean’s zipper opening, her jeans just a tad looser. 

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