The Memior of Lynn: Junior Year

Lynn is almost done with high school. She just has to make it though the next two years and then she is off to travel the world and explore the wonderful world of college and life outside of Virginia. She thought she had it easy but she must have been horribly wrong because now nothing is going the way that she planned. He mothers cancer returned just when they both thought all of that was out of their lives forever.

Then she meets Adam Wilson. He is nice, listens to her, and is an awesome friend. But then things get more serious and she doesn’t know how to deal with it all.

This is a typical story about a teenage girl finding herself in a confusing place, something that everyone can relate too. I am positive that you all will love it!

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9. December 22, 2011

She can feel Adams arms wrap themselves around her as she lay in bed early morning. The warmth from his body just radiates in a way that could make her warm in the coldest of temperatures. She is at peace. His face lies just so along her collar bone as his body presses into her from behind and she grabs his silky hands and pulls him closer.

“Lynn…” She hears a voice say in the distance.

“Lynn…” The voice says again. Lynn mumbles what she can, her body and mind both still fully asleep at the time she hears this voice. When she opens her eyes, all she sees in her view is her mother standing above her, with concern-filled eyes.

It was a dream. It was all just a dream. Lynn felt stupid to think that last night was real at all.

Adam would never show up at her doorstep like that.

But it didn’t make sense to Lynn. Everything felt so real and alive. She could even feel his touch still lingering upon her skin. Or at least she thought she was feeling him.

“What?” Lynn say, still in the slump that Adam has left her in and her mother can see it. Lynn’s mother was always good in that way and Lynn was glad that her mother was so caring and understanding, considering the fact that Lynn really sucked at expressing herself when it came to her feelings. Lynn was always one to hold those feelings back, especially with her mother. She didn’t like for her mother to see her in such a downward state. She liked to be strong for her mother, considering everything that they have been through in their past lifetime together. It was always her mother. Lynn loved her mother with all her heart, and she didn’t plan on ever letting her down, but today Lynn didn’t know if she could hold it together. Adam touches a part of Lynn that she didn’t even know that she was capable of having. Lynn knew now why she was hurt by Adam’s hurtful acts.

Lynn loved Adam.

She realized it right at that moment. Lynn was completely in love with Adam Wilson.

Her body suddenly felt fifty pounds heavier and she pulled the covers above her face. She felt her mother’s body weight drift the bed downward as she sat along the edge of the bed that Lynn didn’t currently occupy at the moment. Lynn just rolled away with a groan to give her more room to sit upon.

“How are you feeling today?” She heard her mother ask.

“No more than usual, I guess.” She felt a gentle hand start caressing the side of her face as she pulled the covers down from her body, it getting hotter and hotter.

“What time is it?” Lynn asked.

“About 7:30 in the morning.” Lynn groaned once again at the earliness of the time. Lynn wasn’t really a morning person to begin with.

“And why are you waking me up at such an early time?”

“I am going into town. Christmas shopping and what not. Would you like to come with me?” Lynn didn’t really want to go, but the moment she looked into her eyes, she could see that her mother really wanted Lynn to be with her right now. She groaned once again, but this time she did it in a less threatening way.

“I guess. Give me ten minutes to get ready?”

“Sure.” Her mother’s lips were warm when they kissed her forehead right before she got up and left, closing the door behind her.

Lynn was happy that she closed the door because it meant that she could do something that she has been holding in ever since she found out her mother had cancer about five years prior and for the first time too.

Lynn cried.

And she didn’t let the tears stop the whole time she got ready that morning.

At least she didn’t have to worry about school, because it was officially the start of winter break.

 

“So, I thought we could start all the way downtown. You know, down by Barnes and Noble, Michaels, and Old Navy, and then make our way to the mall, and then target, and maybe hop into some of the Goodwill’s that are on the way home. Then, by the end of the day, we will back home. How’s that sound?”

“Fine.” Lynn said, her voice still a bit groggily from just having been woken up about thirty minutes prior to her getting into the car.

               “Cool. Aren’t you going to eat your breakfast, Lynn? You haven’t even opened it.” Lynn looked down to see the sausage, egg and cheese biscuit lay in her lap and still wrapped up in the paper that prints the word “MacDonald’s” across the top.

“Oh, sorry. I guess I am a bit distracted.” Lynn slowly opened the wrapper to reveal the fast food underneath, but just stared at it. Lynn didn’t really feel like eating at the moment, or at all at that. Her mom wouldn’t stop staring at her though, so she then took a small bite and looked over at her mother and smiled a fake smile.

Most of the ride to the downtown area was driven in silence, until her mother said something that caught Lynn off guard. She jumped in her seat a little, out of surprise.

“What are you thinking about over there?” She asked Lynn.

“Nothing important.”

“You thinking of your boyfriend?” She looked over at Lynn and just smiled wide. Lynn glared back.

“No.” Lynn glared over at her mother in a way she vowed she never would, but then mover her glare back out the passenger side window where she went back to staring at the passing trees and tiny stores.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Lynn said as apologetic as she could without crying.

               Lynn looked back over to the window and just watched the cars speed past her window and the trees pass with many shades of green and brown. She just replayed the dream over and over in her head, wishing that all of that really happened, but knowing that it wasn’t just broke her.

She just wished that she knew why she felt this way in the first place. Why did it have to hurt so badly and why is it that all she wants to do is lay in bed and cry her eyes dry all day.

“Are you going to tell me why you are so upset or am I going to have to buy up all the clothes at the mall to make you smile?” Lynn jumped to the sound of her mother’s voice, but also couldn’t not help but let out a slight giggle to the question her mother suddenly asked her.

“It’s nothing, really,” Lynn started, then she looked over at her mother driving and placed a hand gently atop the hand that lay in her lap, and continued to talk, “Don’t worry about me.”

“Lynn, you are my daughter. It is my job to worry about you. You don’t always have to be strong. You know that right?” Lynn held back the tears that threatened to force their way down her cheeks, deep breathes of depression escaping her lips. It took her a minute or two to respond.

“Yes. I know.” Her voice was faint, but her mother heard her loud and clear. She didn’t say any more after that. Lynn saw as her head bobbed up and down in agreement. Lynn wanted so bad to tell her mother everything thing that has gone wrong in her life. It hurt that she had to lie so intensely to her but she knew that she had to. Her mother has been through way too much and Lynn didn’t know if her heart could take much more hurt.

 

Lynn shuffled through her gatherings of the day: the new Justin Beiber perfume, some new skinny jeans that actually fit her in all the right places, and so many CD’s from the thrift store that she wondered where she would even think to put all of this newly gathered stuff. Lynn knew that it was kind of heartless for her to only be happy when her mother actually bought her tangible things. That should not be what happiness is about.

The car was silent as they were driving home and Lynn felt that she should say something, but she didn’t really know where to start the story. She watched the twinkling lights from the distant city below pass by her window as she tried to think up the right way to word everything.

Maybe I should just start. My mind can do the talking? Lynn thought her herself.

“Mom…” She was stopped by her mother having said something at the exact same time as Lynn did.

“I need to ask you something, Lynn.”

“Umm, ok? What?”

“And I don’t want you to feel like this is your fault, because it isn’t. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I just want to tell you something.” Lynn looked over at her mother as her grip tightened on the steering wheel of her car

“What is it? Just tell me.”

“I went to the doctors the other day.” That was all she had to tell Lynn for her heart to skip beats almost faster than humanly possible.  Lynn stuttered through her answers now due to her vastly, skipping heartbeat, her whole body filled with worry and hope that things are not as bad as they seem.

“Yeah… and? What did he say?” Lynn finally said.

“The cancer is gone…” She didn’t finish the sentence but Lynn knew how the sentence would end.

“But only for now, right? It will probably come back. I mean, it has many times before. It never stays away. “

“Yes, Lynn, because that is exactly what I want to hear right now.” Lynn could hear the sarcastic tone in her mother’s voice.

“I’m sorry, ok? What do you expect me so say?”
               “You’re right. I know. I would just like some sympathy every now and then.”

“This cannot be what you wanted to tell me. There has to be a reason that you took me on an all-day shopping trip and bought me all this stuff for Christmas.”

“My doctor wants me to get a double vasectomy.” Lynn felt her heart jump out of her chest and into her head, and even back down to her feet. Her mind was all over the place and she couldn’t seem to think up anything to say so she just let out a faint, quiet, “Oh,” and looked back over to the window once again, holding back all the tears and screaming built up inside of her.

“You do know what this is, right?”

“Of course I know what a double vasectomy is, mother. Why wouldn’t I know that?” Lynn instantly regretted the sudden tone of anger in her voice and said, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I expected that kind of reaction from you.”

“How did everyone else take it? Dad? Tyler?” She was silent to her question and at that Lynn knew the answer.
               “You haven’t told them yet, have you?” Lynn asked as he just sat there and looked over at her mother driving, eyes not leaving the road and her head slighting nodding side to side as if to say no.

“No. No, I haven’t.” Is all her mother said. Lynn placed her hand atop her mothers and the rest of the drive was driven in a silence that Lynn has never experienced before, and for once, she wasn’t thinking of Adam the slightest. He was the farthest thing from her mind right now.

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