Jolly Holiday

Shelbie was a fashion designer. Very low key, living in upper Manhattan with her junkie brother. Then she got her big break. And that big break, went by One Direction.

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22. Cut

Finally, after a good cry, I found myself lying on my bed, face to face with Liam.

Just...awkwardly...staring. We were both still a lit watery from crying. And I was just beginning to regain what little of my sanity I had left.

"The interview should be on any time now." I said, flipping to the channel, "I've never actually seen one of these things on TV. It's got to be weird."

"I've never seen one televised either." he chuckled, taking the remote from me and turning up the volume.

"We're here with 4/5 of One Direction." the chipper anchorwoman announced, "Now can you boys release information as to Liam is right now?"

"Without going into too much detail," Zayn interjected, trying to appease the fans and the eager looking interviewer sitting in front of them, "He's decided to stay in today. A very close friend of ours is dealing with some family issues, and he's offered to keep her company. He should be back with us by the concert tomorrow night, though."

"Shelbs, I think you've you've got something on your hand."

Oh. Shīt.

I pulled my hand as far away from his as humanly possible. He persisted though, "Are you okay? I think I saw blood." he mumbled, siting up, trying to get a better look.

"It's fine. Probably just a paper cut or something." I lied, brushing it off like it was nothing.

"That wasn't a paper cut." he mumbled, hobbling over to straddle me, before grabbing hold of my hand and taking a look at it, "What is this?" he mumbled, stone-faced, glaring at my scars and cuts, one of which had apparently started bleeding again. I hadn't noticed of course.

"It's nothing, Liam. Can't we just watch the -"

"This isn't nothing, Shelbie!" he shouted, motioning wildly at my lump wrist that was still in his grasp, "Have you been hurting yourself?" I didn't dare say a word, "How long have you been doing thus for?"

"I thought I put makeup on it this morning," I thought out loud, "I always put makeup on it -"

"Shelbie," Liam shook me out of my thoughts, his face suddenly contorted into some odd mix of rage and devastation, "How long have you been doing this to yourself?"

"Since - since I learned about Cody and Cameron." I mumbled, "It got worse when I met you boys. I haven't done it in almost a week. I thought they were all healing over..." I couldn't believe it. I had just been caught with my biggest secret.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" I refused to answer. The tears started flowing fresh as he finally released my wrist, "Shelbie, why have you been cutting yourself?"

"Because I was confused and angry and I needed a way to let it out and -"

"Don't give me some clinical answer, Shelbie Lorraine. You tell me why. Now."

"Because it just seems like no matter what I do, I can't get this thing right." I murmured, finally letting the tears flow free.

"Why would you hurt yourself?" He seemed genuinely confused, which ticked me off to no end. Was he really that clueless?

"You think I like all this attention I've been getting? I am so overwhelmed! There is literally no way I can get out of this where someone doesn't get hurt.

"I'm not oblivious, Liam. I know that Louis has feelings for me. And I can't return them because he's my FAKE boyfriend. And my real boyfriend loves me, and I love that he loves me. It's safe and nice, but I had to lie through my teeth the last time I said I loved him. And here you are, so blissfully unaware of everything!

"So yeah, I do it because I am alone. Because there is nobody here that I can talk to about any of this. Kat was my person and now she can't be my person anymore. So, I take it out on myself."

"Why didn't you just talk to Zayn?" he asked in genuine confusion, "You all are close."

"He's been busy being all lovestruck with Katie. I don't think he had time for his mate's self-harming girlfriend."

"You could've come to me. You know I'm here for you. Why didn't you just talk to me?" his eyes told me he was reaching, but so was I. I was done with all of this bull. Why didn't I just talk to him?

"Because I freaking love you." I finally admitted.

And he froze, staring in the direction of what I knew to be the door.

It was over.
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