Forever & Always

Peyton Longer has had a tough past..She feels everything is hopeless until she finds a boy that changes her everything..Liam Payne.

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4. Lost

As his death comes upon us quickly I am no longer helpless and sad. I am angry and sad. I am angry at God. Why does this happen? Why does he let suffer happen if he loves us so much? I don't get it and it angers me. For a while I stopped praying. Why does it matter? What's the point anyway? It's not like he listens to our prayers. I started to feel like that once God heard my prayers he would do the opposite.

As all this was going on, I began to pull away from the people at school. One of my best friends named Leah is starting to turn on me. She hasn't been nice lately and keeps ignoring me. I really don't care too much, just because there are bigger things than dumb little tiffs. Like people dying.  I tried not to let it bother me but it did. It bothered me a lot. I finally gathered up my courage and I told her off. I told her she was being ridiculous and that I have bigger things to worry about than just her. I finished it off with someone I love is dying and it's not all about you. And you know what her response was? Nothing. She didn't say a word. She didn't say sorry about what's happening or even kiss my ass. She didn't say anything. That's when I started feeling very depressed again. I was losing everyone I loved. Literally and not. I had not many friends anymore because I became cold and bitter. I didn't want anyone to talk to me because I just got angry. I hated when people would say that's it's part of God's plan. Because you know what? It's easy to have faith when everything is going great. When your life is in full force and you living and loving every moment, then it's easy to praise the Lord for your blessings. But what about when everything is going wrong? Then what do you do? I've tried praying, it doesn't work. So I wish people would stop saying that to me. Was it God's plan for me to have depression? Or for my uncle to die of cancer? or for my grandma Mams to die of cancer? For me to lose all my friends? For me and my brother to barely survive a tornado?I sure hope not. Because for a God that loves us so much that's pretty cruel. There are some things I will never understand, this being one. I still love God though and I still practice my Catholic faith becuase we are on better terms now.

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