Better in time

Just something I wrote when I was younger, about... well another kind of sad thing....

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1. Jess

We were always really close, me and Jess. My big sister, the one who looked out for me. 

We could argue like cat and dog, sometimes she seemed so mean and cruel, other times she was the perfect sister. 

If Mum and Dad were arguing or anything got scary, I could snuggle up to her. If I wet the bed when I was younger, I always woke her up, Mum and Dad might get mad. Jess would mop me up and say it was fine. Then we climbed into her big girls bed, so it seemed to me at the time, where she whispered a song to me. Hymns she used to have sung to her, or school rhymes that were soothing to here. 

On other occasions she could get me in trouble, be the one to send me to Mum and Dad in their room. 

Yet I wish now I could go back to that, because now I miss her so much. 

It all happened so quick, one day she was laughing... Then she started to get those headaches and being ill. For a while we put it down to stress at school, her GCSE's were approaching and we thought that was all. But one day she collapsed, so quickly. 

We were in a shop, buying some new shoes for school, when it happened. The headache came and then she went. I don't mean she died right then. Just collapsed. 

So now we were more worried, this was not a normal form of stress. So we tried to get her to the doctors  but she didn't want to. For days we struggled, and she barely spoke to us at all... Then the worst happened, she collapsed again. On the hard Kitchen floor. Breaking an arm in the process. I still her there, or at least the blood. And there was a lot. 

This time we forced her, and it was still too late. 

I never remember the name they said, some long medical term. It meant one thing though. Our time was nearly over. 

We made the best of it, visiting her everyday, I filled her in on in all the school the gossip and brought her favorite books in to read. 

The day it happened, seemed so normal. The doctors even said she had been making progress, that they may have been wrong at first. 

It was my fault, I was moaning about a teacher... Jess was laughing,when all those screens started bleeping madly. 

I think that the worst part was I didn't watch her actually leave. 

I just heard the nurses and doctors frantically yelling. Huddled around her, whilst my Mum cried and Dad only stared at the same spot. All of us frozen. 

They said she would have gone peacefully. That it was nice she went laughing.

How would they know? 

They never died...

 

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