My life has been filled with promises, promises that couldn't be kept.
Being abused caused me to stay mute..
But can he change that?


18. Not worth it


Jailene's POV

I laid on the floor, all these emotions racing up and down is making me dizzy. I got up slowly and walked unsteadily to the bathroom, and looked in the shattered mirror. I know that mirrors supposed to show ourselves. But this time, I wasn't sure. This person who looked back at me, wasn't me. Her eyes were dark brown, big as she was afraid of someone would pop at any moment. Dark circles were under her swollen eyes. Her face was pale as a ghost, tear tracks ran down her cheek. I lifted my hand, the person om the mirror mimicked me. I suddenly realized that person was me. For some reason I didn't care. Didn't care about me, about the boys, didn't care about myself.All I could see was someone I didn't know. I was no longer me. I opened the shower door. I scanned around looking for one thing. Anything. I grabbed a razor. Tears ran down my face as I put the sharp object to my wrist. As I pressed it down I winced. Blood ran down my arm. Some fell to the ground. Why hadn't I done this a long time ago? I felt the relief overcome my body. Chills ran down my back. The razor fell out my hand. I sat down on the ground as I covered my face with one hand. A soft whimper escaped my lips. I left because I didn't want to be near that 'thing.' I shouldn't have trusted them. I could've just walked away. But they helped me... No. They were doing it just to be nice. They aren't like that. But then again you never know. I wanted things to get better. But I guess 'better' wasn't with them. But then again I don't know 'better' is anymore. I got up and walked to my bed. I sat down and looked at my wrist. 

Liam's POV 

I keep feeling like as if I lied to Niall. Jai and her situation is unpredictable. I can't help wonder about how she feels. Hurt? Alone? Her smile flooded my every thought. She needs to stay hopeful. What if she starts thinking that there is nothing to live for anymore? There was silence in the room. It hung around for a while. 

"Liam? You gotta read this." Zayn said. I looked around and noticed I was alone in the living room. I walked upstairs and peeked though Niall's room. No one. I passed Jai's room and heard noises. The boys were in there huddled around Niall. 

"What's this I gotta see?" I asked as I aproached them. Niall was holding a small book. It seemed like a diary sort of. 

"What is that?" I asked even though I knew what it was. 

"It's Jai's diary." Louis said looking at me then back at the book. They looked at me like as if they seeked approval to read on. I nodded and prepared myself for the unexpected. 

"June 3rd 2005. Dear Diary, last night dad came home and mom told me to go straight to my room. I heard them argue about money loss I think it was? Anyway when I came out later that night mom was at the table and crying. I didn't know what to do. She hugged me tightly and told me she loved me. I still don't understand why her face was red and her left cheek was open. I asked her what had happened but she just shook her head and said everything is alright." Niall sighed and kept on reading.

"I wonder where dad goes. He hardly is ever home. I miss him. And I think mom does too. Shes always saying how wishes daddy where the same. Maybe he is just tired of all his work?" Niall finished and turned a couple of pages.

"So Jai's mom... Was being abused?" Harry asked with disgust in his voice. 

"How old was Jai?" Asked Zayn. 

"7." I said. Niall's eyes widened and his jaw started trembling. 

"Listen to this..." he said gulping hard. 

"April 16th 2010." He paused. 

"Dear Diary, How come I'm feeling so lonely? Mum has been acting weird lately. She leaves early in the morning and doesn't come back until about 2 a.m. I'm starting to worry. I feel like as if were drifting apart. Sometimes I think about... Ending. Just cutting off my existance. Who would care anyway? Dad wouldn't that's for sure. Maybe that's why mum keeps leaving? Anyway dad has been getting more and more abusive. If mum's not home he gets mad and trudges for my room. I try to act like it doesn't hurt which it does. But what hurts most is that he wasn't the "man" I thought he was. He smells of alcohol and sometimes it makes me want to throw up. It gets me so dizzy that it almost gets to the point I think im going to pass out. In this case it wouldn't be bad. I would rather be in a coma than be with him all day. Mum hasn't returned. It's 2:30 a.m. She should've been home by now. Dad isn't home either. So I have this house to myself for a couple of minutes. What was that? I heard something outside. It kind of sounded like." Niall stopped reading. We all stared at him and waited for the rest. 

"What are you waiting for?" Harry asked anxiously. Niall just shook his head and buried his face in his hands. I walked up to him and rubbed his back. 

"What?" My thoat was dry. He looked up at us eyes red.

"That's where she left off. You don't think this is the da-" 

"The day her mom died?" I finished. I could tell it was killing him inside. He's terrified and we all are to be honest. I grew so fond of Jai. Her smile the way her laugh was silent but yet it sounded beautiful. I blinked hard and all I could see was a smiling Jai. 

"I don't care if we don't have a plan. We are going over there and getting her back." I blurted out. They all stared at me with tears in their eyes but no one said anything. 




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