Welcome To The Castle

Knights are brave. Damsels are in distresss. This is your normal kingdom.

Well, in most fairy storys. Truth is, as long as they get the money and the fame Knights are up to scratch. Ask them to fight a dragon though, a sheep would have better chances.
Damsels in distress? Yeah, right. Sitting in a tower for ten years is a major YAWN.
So sit back, relax, and meet some of your old fairy tale characters, brand new ones, and characters who have just burned the fairy tale guidebook.


2. The (overcrowded) Castle

It was grey stone. Turrets. Nothing special. Well, the people inside were, though most were ugly peasents with little role to play. Good things about crowded castles, are people are packed in. True it's a little bit whiffy, but if you are a stealthy thief, you are a rich man. Or woman. Or, in Hetty's case, a very lucky ten year old. She was trained by herself, raised by herself, and if you offer her a hand, she'll steal anything in it, including and bracelets or chains on your arm. You know, this is only going to work if I tell it from her point of view. And all the other characters. I might help the gnome write his part, but I have the feeling that we're not friends. By the way, the little people are keeping me captive, and are forcing me to write their story-


Castle courtyards are a nice place for squashing up close, inserting hands in to pockets, and collecting some money. I speak very well for a street kid. Though in situations of extreme danger, I can suddenly break in to the old, "A swear mister, a wasn't anywher near her a'ndbag." Good thing is, patrol guards don't pick out what I miss from a normal street kids slang. I make myself small and innocent, which isn't hard for me. After all, I'm just a cutie pie street kid, who can't help the misfortune that has befallen her, right? Well, yeah if you took out my 5 year criminal record, which very few people know about. Besides, they're in the buisness too. I was passing the busy stalls, where prices were being called out, arguments were starting and the guards were failing to keep it all under control. I as usual, stopped at the HUGE black gate, which led in to the actual castle, where the royals lived. Imagine. A royal banquet, in your honour. Dresses of fine weave, elegant bodices and perfectly draped skirts. I wish. I was lucky enough to have some outcast servants attire, ragged at the hem and ripped at the sleeves.

"ALL BOW TO THE PRINCESS!" shouted a guard, and suddenly there was the squeking of gears and the iron gate was raised, and I, still lost in my thoughts and I threw myself to the side of the road, where I went unconsious. I think my head was bleeding. "Oh my!" said a regal voice. "She's been knocked over! Take her inside!" 

The next time I woke up, I was in the fine chamber of a castle. Then I gasped. Someone had done something awful. Someone had done something unbelievable. Someone had actually said "Oh my!" They'd probably be hanged tommorow, and they deserve it. Oh... that was the princess. Well, at least thats one more fine weave person spouting a load of hot air dealt with. Not my loss. Well, actually it is. As I was the cause of this, I'm condemmed with her. I hate Fairy Tales. Things always happen too quickly with no explanation.


She is right. I'm having to hurry because of this leprechaun. He's muttering irish curses."Oh, waily waily, I'm no gonna get to rip out her guts, am I fairy?" The midget fairy frowns at him. "Not very painful though." He replies. I do love the company I keep.

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