Not So Complicated

How could I ever accept the man you've become when I barely remember the boy you were, stranger?


3. Wild Girls

            Between the three of us we’d get you lost faster than a monkey with a map. An hour later than we expected we pulled up at the bar we wanted to go to. It was mostly populated with young people. “You’d swear we’ve never been here,” Taylor grumbled as we got out of the car, “anyway daddy said we could get drunk and he’d pick us up. He’s dragging Tina along so she’ll drive your car home for you and hitch a ride with us back home.”

“Yassss!” I grinned fist pumping. My girls and I entered the bar. One of the wait staff looked like he could be a grown version of Chancellor. I blinked rapidly and looked away, “So the voices in my head are getting annoying. We need drinks.”

           “I got you,” Lauren said popping the top button on her shirt and winked at us before disappearing into the crowd.

“That girl will be the death of us,” Taylor sighed shaking her head. She was the mother of our group always making sure we were okay and accounted for at all times, “How are you holding up?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked panicked.

“June’s almost over. You’re not gonna lock yourself in your room crying again right?” she asked touching my folded arms.  

“I haven’t done that in years, Tay. I’m over it. He’s not coming back,” I stated blandly looking down at her TOMS, “Can I borrow those soon? I love them.”

“I told you to get the white but nooo ‘the tan ones are so cute’,” she mocked.

“My voice is not that high,” I blushed as Lauren rejoined us holding a bottle of whiskey. 

“Yes it is. You sound like a white girl,” Taylor stated.

“A common white girl, all you’re missing is a Starbucks, some leggings and a pair of Uggs,” Lauren agreed as she ushered us to an empty table. 

            “These hoes stay sloppy drunk, we stay whiskey neat. Classy status,” I remixed one of my favourite songs from the rapper Childish Gambino (I was of the belief I would one day marry that man even though I was 18 and he was 30) after finishing my fourth glass.

“Preach!” Taylor and Lauren chorused dancing in their seats. I laughed before joining them. We were out to have a good time.

         “So girls, some guys over there have offered to buy you girls a round,” our cheery waitress announced smiling. I followed her slightly cocked head to a group of hot guys. We deliberated for a moment before deciding on Patron shots. In the mean time we finished off the bottle of whiskey.

“Spit for me, Addy,” Lauren requested and I complied.

“So we’re done? This the real shit? We used to hold hands like field trips. I’m a jerk but your girl is a real bitch. I read her post on your wall and I feel sick. She ain’t cool she blogging n all that but she just a fake who blog in all caps. You couldn’t wait to date. Going straight for her thighs like the cake she ate. I give a fuck about the niggas she say she ate. You know I’m the best when I’m affectionate. I’m the best that you had face it Jane and Keisha related, racist. I gave you money that you made off she ain’t a killa but she blow ya fucking head off. I know she wondering like what the fuck you hiding. Like we dated like raps about bin laden. Ayo fuck this are we dating? Are we fucking? Are we best friends? Are we something in between that? I wish we never fucked and I mean that. But not really you say the nastiest shit in bed and it’s fucking awesome,” I spit my favourite verse from Heartbeat from Childish Gambino. My girls applauded and the waitress came back with our shots.

“To Addy’s skills, my fashion sense and Lauren’s new beginning,” Taylor toasted as we raised our glasses. The liquid burned on its way down to my stomach where it settled warmly.

         “How are the voices, Addy?” Lauren teased.

“Silenced,” I smirked before making my way onto the dance floor. As usual, the bar was packed. It was almost too easy to lose myself in the crowd of sweaty, drunk bodies.

“How old are you?” asked a voice in my ear as I felt hands round my waist. I twisted around and came face to face with one of the guys at the table that had bought us the shots. 

“Eighteen. You?” I answered as we began to dance together.

“Twenty one. What’s your name? I’m Aiden,” he asked again.

“Does it matter, Aiden?” I countered.

“Not when you say my name like that,” he replied biting his lip pulling me closer to him.  The song was fast and our bodies – like the ones around us – were grinding against each other.

         I’d like to say it was the alcohol that made me kiss him; but at that moment my head was very clear. I wanted it. I needed it. “Fuck. Want to come home with me love?” Aiden whispered in my ear snaking his hand up my side. I grabbed his hand and pulled away.

“I’m not that kind of girl,” I extracted myself from him and found my friends. We were all ready to leave so we danced together until it Taylor’s dad picked us up.

         When I walked into the house Chelsea looked up from her phone briefly and I waved as I stumbled to my room. Light peeked out from under my door, ‘Strange.’ I opened the door and perched on my bed was an unfamiliar guy. “Hey, Addy!” he smiled getting up.

“No,” I whispered. I turned to leave; I needed an explanation from Chelsea. Since when did we allow guys into my room? I took one step forward and my vision went dark and I felt the floor disappear from beneath me.  

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