Not So Complicated

How could I ever accept the man you've become when I barely remember the boy you were, stranger?


1. Nothing was the same

Sometimes, I allowed my mind to drift off on its own. It usually went back to my childhood. How predictable. It was a happier time with less rules and responsibilities. I finished painting my nails - a deep purple – and was IM’ing my friends when my cousin, Chelsea, barged into my room effectively bringing me back to reality. I looked up from my laptop screen and stared at her.

For a small woman, she sure knew how to fill a room. She rummaged through the stuff on my dresser talking loudly on the phone with who I presumed was her new boyfriend.  She spun on her heel, “Where are your hair ties?” I pointed to the little container on my dresser. She asked the same question every time she came into my room. You’d think by now she’d know where it was but like everything else, if it didn’t occur on her phone, it didn’t stick.

            “Whose room is that? I like the colour,” the voice in her phone commented, distinctly male but definitely not her boyfriend’s.

“Adelaide,” Chelsea stated distractedly.

“Who’s that?” I questioned curious. Messages from my friends flashed on my laptop screen but I ignored them.

“Chano,” she replied as she left my room, leaving the door open.

“My door closes, Chelsea!” I yelled as I got up from my bed to close the door while I was up, I turned off the light before heading back to bed.

            I tried to put face to name because that was a name I knew well. I sighed and closed my laptop. The past had a funny way of seeping back into a person’s life when everything seems to be going well.  Six years later and here was my past – my childhood – invading the present I had made for myself Still, the image of Chano I had in my mind couldn’t possibly match the guy he was now. The image I had was of an awkward thirteen year old but that was from six years ago. Six years… a lot had happened in six years. I moved on and I tried every day to forget him but it seemed like he already forgot me. “Chancellor, some twin you turned out to be,” I spat before pushing my laptop away from me and curling up under my blanket.


            “Why are you still sleeping?” Chelsea questioned pulling my curtains apart, flooding my room with sunlight.

“What time is it?” I grumbled pulling the blanket over my head.

“It’s four in the afternoon. Get up,” she answered shaking me.

“I’m allowed to sleep. It’s Saturday and technically, I’m done with school,” I argued peeking out from under the blanket. Technically, I had two weeks of school left of actual schooling but my CAPE unit 1 exams were over and my two weeks didn’t start for another week.

“Lame excuse, you’re just lazy,” she deadpanned.

“Actually, I think it’s a day well spent. I’m just not in the mood,” I grumbled annoyed that she called me lazy. I realized a while back that calling me lazy was her defense mechanism when I made a good point and she didn’t have a counter-argument or didn’t want to continue the discussion. But this time; she stayed seated on my bed.

“In the mood for what?” she asked.

“Everything, I’m just tired and annoyed. I’m allowed to be tired; I’m human. I’ve got a ton of responsibilities and no one to talk to,” I explained finally sitting up.

“I’m here,” she commented before her phone went off and she had to reply and I snorted.

“No you’re not. You’re here for yourself. I can’t talk to you because my life can’t be summarized between your text breaks,” I scoffed rubbing my bare arms.

“This is clearly bigger than school. Spill,” she grinned.

“It’s not that big. I just miss being a kid. When you told me it was Chano last night… (sigh) I-I-I couldn’t take it. I realized how much I grew up and he missed it. I’m a new person - he’s a new person – we aren’t twins anymore. We’re barely cousins!” I ranted.

            Chelsea made a big show of putting down her phone and pulling me in for a hug. In the three years I’ve lived with my cousin, she had never once hugged me or attempted too. Needless to say; it did not last very long and it was ridiculously awkward.

“He’s not that different, Adelaide,” she told me pulling away. I saw her roll her eyes and I bit back the tears. There. The reason I didn’t tell her anything. She thought it was all child’s play. Her life clearly had more exciting problems and she never really cared in the first place. She was so fake; I wanted her to just leave. I got my wish soon enough as she got up and left my room thankfully, closing my door behind her.

            But I did get up. I dragged myself out of bed and plopped down at my desk. “Alright, let’s photosynthesize,” I mumbled opening the huge text book to get a head start on the massive workload I still had. I needed to pass my A-levels.

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