Not So Complicated

How could I ever accept the man you've become when I barely remember the boy you were, stranger?


4. I Must Be Dreaming

        Sunlight shone on my face and my head throbbed painfully. My mouth tasted like rusted pennies and my legs were numb. Groggily, I sat up clutching my head. ‘What the hell happened? How did I get into pjs or bed?’ I wondered.

Light peeked out from under my door, ‘Strange.’ I opened the door and perched on my bed was an unfamiliar guy. “Hey, Addy!” he smiled getting up.

“No,” I whispered. I turned to leave; I needed an explanation from Chelsea. Since when did we allow guys into my room? I took one step forward and my vision went dark and I felt the floor disappear from beneath me.

         I looked around my room, much to the disdain of my pounding head. My eyes rested on the sleeping figure next to me. He was curled up in a ball, his back against the wall and his face; this strange yet somewhat familiar face looking relaxed. I smiled and laid my head against the headboard. I’m dreaming. This is all a dream I told myself. This guy was not Chancellor. It couldn’t be but Chelsea wouldn’t allow anyone else into my room also, there were suitcases in my room. I pinched myself; that hurt.

         The figure next to me stirred and I sighed. ‘You’re still drunk. All this is an illusion, Chano is NOT here,’ I thought.

“Morning, Adalaide,” the voice greeted.

“You’re not real. This isn’t real,” I stated emphatically, rubbing the balls of my palms into my eyes.

“Yea I’m real, Ad. It’s me, Chancellor,” he grinned, gently removing my hands. I pulled my hands from his and stood up. I glared at him and his cocky grin slipped off his face.

“Did you change my clothes?” I asked looking at the red plaid pj pants I was wearing.

         His ears and neck turned red and he bit his lip uncomfortably. ‘When did he get braces?’ I wondered idly as he struggled for words.

“I took off your outer shirt. Chelsea did the rest,” he blushed looking at the floor.

“Thanks,” I mumbled before grabbing my towel and some clothes and heading to my bathroom. I stared at my fingers; five fingers. I wasn’t dreaming. I took a long hot shower and brushed my teeth trying to wrap my head around the idea that he was here.

         What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to act? I hadn’t seen my older cousin since I was twelve and even then thirteen year old Chancellor was quickly outgrowing my childishness. I huffed as I changed into a white official issue tank top and light wash skinny jeans. Taming my wild curls wasn’t an option so I wrestled it into a messy bun and applied some basic makeup. I sighed, nothing looked right.

         Looking somewhat presentable I went back into my room and was greeting with the adorable sight of Chancellor sitting Indian style on my bed watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and eating poptarts. I fought the urge to smile while putting on my nude sandals and picking up my official issue sweater, my purse and phone. “Don’t mess up my room,” I said as a goodbye.

As much as I wanted to sit around; I had plans. Relatives from my childhood were not about to ruin them, Chelsea looked up from her iPhone long enough to raise an eyebrow, “Going somwhere?”

“Yea, I’m hanging with Taylor today,” I answered picking up my bunch of keys.

“What about Chano?” she asked.

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow, “He’s nineteen, almost twenty I believe. I don’t need to babysit him besides he’s your brother.”

“He’s your twin,” my cousin mocked.

“Correction; he was my twin. I don’t even know the guy in my room,” I remarked closing the front door behind me.



         “I mean like what did I do in my last life to deserve this?” I questioned picking apart my Jamaican beef pie.

“Maybe this is God’s way of saying it’s time for you two to get close again. Mend the broken relationship,” Taylor reasoned sipping her coffee.

“So God thinks a six year gap will magically be bridged in two months? Yea that’s not going to happen. I’m not going to give up our plans to get to know him. Twins my non-existent left nut,” I scoffed stirring my coffee.

“That’s not fair Addy and you know it. I know you want to get to know him. You could always drag him along when we meet up,” Taylor laced her fingers together.

I pouted, “I’ll try to talk to him tonight.”

“That’s the spirit!” she cheered.

         I wanted to get to know Chano, he used to be my twin – my other half – you couldn’t have one without the other. “You’ve been lost for a long time, Adelaide,’ Taylor mused quietly covering my hand with her own. My vision swan as I stared at her.

“How do you know that?” I asked brokenly. She gave me a sad smile and patted my hand.

“I see the way you light up when you talk about him. You seem younger, happier and whole. I see it now. You’re different, less forced. Please, if not for him for yourself, get to know him,” Taylor replied.

         I hung my head and the tears dripped off my nose leaving dark spots on my jeans. “You make him sound like an ex-boyfriend,” I joked pulling my hand away to wipe my face.

“He’s better; he’s your ‘estranged twin’,” she giggled.

“I’ll try,” I hiccupped.

“I know you will,” she smiled.


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