Generation Fangirls

Everyone has that sarcastic voice in their head. That voice who comments on anything and anyone but never gets heard. This is my autobiography, my life, my thoughts about the craziness about a band called One Direction. The worlds obsession written in my words.

( Not meant to be taken too seriously. It's written just for fun. )


2. Invitation to my brain

"Moooorning" I scream as I fall out from the warmth underneath the covers and straight down on the hard rock-solid floor. Wish you all could see my hair right now, or maybe not, depends on if you'd like to have nightmares for the next 10 years or so. I can smell alcohol from somewhere which makes me twitch. Oh wait.. it's from me, my breath...that's cool. As you might understand I was out yesterday. And the fangirling freak that I am, managed to embarrass myself like no other. Well, you're all Directioners I suppose, so maybe you can relate. Let me tell you the story.

 I was at my friend's house and having a good time. Suddenly someone starts What Makes You Beautiful on full blast. I almost jumped up from where I was sitting and wanted to fangirl like a complete idiot and shake what my mum gave me, doing Liam's 1 2 3 FLICK and Louis' Pet the dog Screw the light-bulb dance (you know you would too). But luckily I didn't. My friend who was with me are one of those guardians I've mentioned before, which means she knows everything about my secret life, me being Hannah Montana and all. So for some strange reason she must have forgotten the burden of being this guardian and bursted out in laughter pointing at me while blurting out "Oh it's your boyfriends. Turn it up!". I literally could feel the whole room turning around in slow-motion giving me crazy looks, and frowning their eyebrows. My initial reaction was of course flying through the roof screaming "NO, JIMMY PROTESTED!", so me being me, that was exactly what I did. You can feel the awkwardness can't you? Obviously no one understood what the hell I was screaming about and probably just believes there's something seriously wrong with me. Which I'm used to. Someone at the party asked me later who Jimmy is. Such a stupid question if you ask me. It's like asking who Kevin is. "CAN'T YOU SEE HIM?! HE'S OUT THERE FLYING AROUND IN THE SKY, YOU'VE SEEN HIM LOADS OF TIMES!" (Don't act all innocent with me now, like you don't think it too.)

So that happened. If you have no clue to what I've just been rambling on about, I'm going to try and make an effort in explaining Jimmy and Kevin for you. 
I'm guessing you're all waiting for a sensible explanation to why we sometimes scream Kevin in large crowds on the street, or why Jimmy is brought up in any conversation when we don't get what we want. Then I must disappoint you, cause no, that's not going to happen. Have you learned nothing?! WE DON'T DO SENSIBLE. Basically, Kevin is a bird. Yes a bird. You heard me the first time. Don't act like you didn't. More exact a pigeon. He's Louis' secret love-interest who sometimes steals Zayn's mirror and also like to make Harry jealous (obviously because of his strong connection with Louis). He was with us during 2010 but then suddenly he went away for a really long time, which made Louis sad. Maybe he flew to warmer climates for a while. Maybe he was sick of all of us who constantly screamed and chased after him (which probably embarrassed the feathers out of him among his friends). All we know is that recently he returned to sweet Lou, who posted a picture of the pair. Personally I'm not a huge Kevin fan who once pooped on my head, but that's a whole other story.
Jimmy on the other hand is not real. Well, he's in a book. Is that considered to be real? "No, Jimmy protested" is a line from a book. Don't look at me like that, like you think I've just been taken heroin.  I'm going to tell you the truth, and nothing but the truth. So no. We're not on drugs. "I'm so grateful I have you all in my life, no one understands me like you do", I say while gently caressing my laptop staring at my Twitter page... To clarify, no drugs involved. The only thing I don't get about this obsession we have with Jimmy is; has anyone actually read the book? in all honesty I sure haven't. I like the fact though we only know one line from this book. ONE line. Wow we should be proud.

I'd like to just point out; we're not insane, just extremely dedicated. There's a difference you know. I would like to take this moment to say something to my utterly not amused parents with all of this. No, let me rephrase that. To ALL the parents out there believing they need to check their daughters (maybe sons too?) into mental facilities. Please read the following. 

1. YOU said you wanted us to get a hobby, not us. So why would you not want us to devote ourselves entirely to our interest? It doesn't make sense. First you get up all in our grills about not doing anything and need to get a hobby, and now you nag on us for being a bit too much into our new found love. Or maybe you're that kid who has a little TOO much fun (if you know what I mean). Who are out late every night doing things I'm simply not going to write. Cause let's face it, you wouldn't want to read about what your parents were doing behind closed doors, would you? To sum it up for the younger fans out there who still don't know what I'm referring to: The naughty, The dirty thing, The boom boom in your pants. (Is that even an expression?) If you still are in the blinds here, then please use the nearest exit to get the hell out. Thank you. Now back to business.
You simple cannot be angry or upset about us finally finding our Gods. Our life mission. Cause that is what it is, our mission to locate these lads and bag at least one of them. Are you like me and cry way too much about never going to find anyone remotely good enough as our lovely boys? I mean, it's not their fault God made them this way. But you know when everyone goes on about "VEVO is a Belieber and MTV is a Directioner"? I would rephrase that and say: "VEVO can have Justin, cause obviously GOD is on our side." Why else would The All Mighty himself, create such perfection? Now there's something to ponder on.

2. IF you happen to see us crying our heart out, NEVER, I repeat, never ask us why. Simply because we know you'd never understand. And I can assure you, you'll be in for a 10 hour long session of One Direction clips, songs and explanations why they're so amazing. Which will cause even more tears bringing the subject up once more. So if you see us by our computer laughing and crying at the same time whilst we clap our hands like retarded seals and making the sounds of dying whales, simply just walk away in the direction you came in and no one will get hurt. Clear? I'm telling you this for your own good.
Now parents, let's just take a moment to join hands and have a prayer circle that Harry won't ever cut his hair off. Thank you.

There are 3 types of ways to fangirl, at least according to me. It's always fun to discover which one you categorize under. When I meet another directioner or fangirl of any fandom for that matter, I always try to see the signs on which fangirl type he or she is. The different categories are:
1. The Screaming one
2. The Crying one
3. The Fainting one

Let's take a minute and talk about these. Mums and dads, if your child is the screaming one, I hope you realize that you are in for a real treat if you take your child to a concert. My tip would be earplugs. Or something a bit more heavy... perhaps a sedative of some sort. The screaming fangirling type, is the one who squeal if he or she sees a picture, video, hear a song, to be honest at anything related to the artist. It even can be such a small thing as, let's say Niall gets a haircut or Zayn eats a lollipop. Don't get me wrong, these are important things which we obviously need to thoroughly discuss, hence having a non-existent social life of our own. (This is why Twitter exists isn't is?) An example of a situation you must realize you do The Screaming fangirl is:
You are in the queue to see One Direction in real life in one of their signings for their new album. As you get closer and closer you're starting to see a glimpse of the boys. You feel calm and thinking "This is not that bad, I can do this." As soon as you approach the boys you hear Louis say "Hi love, how are you?" in the most angelic way possible. (Admit it, you read that in Louis' accent didn't you). And without any further due, you scream your lungs out for anyone to hear straight in front of Louis' face. It's a happy scream though, but in a more panicky -I love you so much I don't know how to react other than scream terrified at you face- kind of scream. Or if you overhear One Direction on TV and you run like your life depends on it and Obama was throwing money around like it was candy and Oprah saying she wants to adopt you if you manage to jump over everything in your way into the living-room while screaming "EVERYONE QUIET!". (That's a sign too).

Let's move on shall we? The crying fangirl is a very emotional train wreck who is extremely passionate about all things in the fandom. To quote Zayn, we could say she's on the roller-coaster that is life. Or in this case, straight forward on the train to kookoo village. These are maybe my favourite type of fangirls simply cause they're all nuts. If this is you, the you probably cried about the fact that Zayn and Perrie got a dog. "It's like they're perfect for each other. Please get married and have little DirectionMixer babies toddling around so we can have loads of family pictures to cry about cause we're forever alone.". And abuse the terms: I can't - I so done - I hate him so much but I love him - I literally can't - Everything hurts - Oh the feels - My emotions. Which makes no sense what so ever to any non-Directioners out there. But you see, it doesn't have to make sense, we know what we mean. -Directioner-Logic.

Now, The fainting one is fun. Isn't it funny though being the girl fainting once you finally get your chance to actually meet them in real life? Bummer. I've never understood how you can get so starstruck you basically faint. I don't need to understand, I accept all kinds of fangirling. But still, you have to agree, it's quite hilarious. Stick to the frozen approach instead, Too-afraid-to-say-something-because-I'm-in-the-presence-of-Gods. That, I can relate too.

And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell. You know you love me, xoxo Gossip Girl.
Haha no, just kidding. Wrong fandom. Got a bit carried away there. But I am going let you in on a little secret. You know the part where I said there's 3 different fangirling types, well, I lied. There are actually 4. Though the fourth one is a bit more extreme. It's a mixture between all of the three. Which makes this one the most...well...the craziest one. You see, when all of the other fangirls are fangirling in somewhat of a normal way (HEY I can feel your judgemental looks. I said "somewhat" not just normal, OK?), anyway, moving on. Well if we fangirl in this fourth way.. This is what usually happens...

Casually watching the "Up All Night Tour" DVD and singing along like a cat just got dragged after a moving truck and screaming and waving my arms around like an idiot. Everything's good and all seems like rainbows and kittens running around in a field of happiness. But then I hear "Gotta Be You" and breaks down in tears actually believing the lyrics are about me and thinking Harry loves me. He says so in the song! It's crystal clear. CAN'T you hear it!? "Oh and if you walk away I know I'll fade, cause there is nobody else, It's gotta be you, only you", I sing along as I cry in the corner forever wishing he'll announce our love to the public. There's a close-up on Harry while singing and I see his breathtaking green eyes. OMG I've got green eyes too. I must be fate.  It's obviously meant to be! And now Liam looks in the camera. ....He....Looked....In....The....Camera.... And boom! Just liked that, I died. I'm dead. I'm 300% done with my life. Now rocking back and forth in the corner in complete and utter darkness and silence chanting "Why you not love me?".

Never fear, when fangirls are near... Wait no. Scratch that. ALWAYS fear, when fangirls are near.

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