A Path Less Taken

This story is about me. In a way. It is loosely based off real events in my life. When i get so fed up with life at home and wanting to run away and make a better life for myself, the things that i will experience along the way, the dangers, the friends, the lessons, I never done it. But here, i get to and to see the life i may make for myself if i chose this path, granted idk if there is a happy ending or not, i guess i will find out as i go along, just like the rest of you will, this is my first time, there will be mistakes, many may not like it, many will. I'm not writing this for anyone, its for me, if you chose to read it, awesome if you dont fine. but this is my story, my life, if i chose this path. You will be coming on this journey with me. There is no turning back now.

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5. Burn Down The Block

After the incident with my mother's truck and witnessing everything. My step father called the cops and filed a compliant. I begged him not to, if Jade found out she would never stop. She had already had been calling the house. Well, she had her friends call. One of them a guy called  at four in the morning and said i left his panties at his house when i came over and he banged me senseless. "DAD NO IF YOU DO THIS THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE!" i yelled  over my tears.  "Girl, shut up they won't do anything." he told me before leaving and going to her house. As soon as he left my step brother, Troy called. He was thirty years old and very protective of me. I guess dad told him what had happened because when i picked up the phone he was livid. "Gimmie her number, Mia" Mia was my nickname from him. I was scared beyond belief. Troy was in nice terms, psychotic. He could make anyone disappear. I fear for my future boyfriends lives or anyone life if they hurt me or Terri. "No, T" i said .

"Well look at it this way, if you don't give me her number i will go to her block and burn down every house" I sat there stunned and looked over at my mother who was in the bathroom looking in the mirror. She mouth 'give it to him' so i did . He three way called her and she picked up. "Hello"


"Jade?"


"Yeah"

"Leave my fucking sister alone you bitch. Don't throw shit at her my mom's truck" he yelled into the phone

"Who the fuck is this? I didn't do shit to anyone's car so don't call me about this bullshit" she yelled back. She was right she didn't do anything to the truck but she did orchestrate the whole thing. I hung up. I didn't wanna participate in this anymore. i just wanted the whole thing to be over. I tossed the phone on my mothers bed and waked down the stairs to my room where i locked the door. I started breathing heavy and i couldn't catch my breathe. I was having my first panic attack ever in my life. I grabbed my chest. I felt like i was dying. The walls around me where starting to close in. Everything around me was moving fast and slow at the same time. I unlocked the door and screamed for my mom. I fell to my knees. My mother rushes to my side and picks me up  in her arms. "It's okay, Amelia just breath slow, breathe slow"

"I- I-I'm dying" i stuttered. Everything was moving at lightning speed. I'm dying i know it. She hands me a paper bag and tells me to breathe into it and walks me around the house. "No, no your not dying sweetie it's ok. It's just everything that has happened is wearing you down. Your stressing out. Just relax" I try to slow down my breathing and it helps a little.My father walks in as i am calming down he looks at me and points  "What's wrong with her?"


"Nothing, I'm fine" getting up i walk back to my room and lock my door. I open my purse and reach inside and pull out a old Dentyne Ice container. I sit down on the bed and opens it, removing the tissue i pull out a razor blade.  Cutting has never been something i ever thought i would be doing to myself but after everything that has happened it brings me the only source of relief. Rolling up my sleeve and placing the razor to my skin i gently drag it across. I feel my skin tear open, feel  the pain and watch the red blood oozes out of my cut. I place the blade back in the container and exhale. Ever worry and fear i had i picture it escaping my skin as the blood rolls down my arm. It only bring a temporary relief but even a small amount can go so far. I found myself cutting up to four times a day and my arm would go numb for a while i wasn't sure what that meant i would just cut on my leg to give my arm a rest. I never understood why people cut before but now i understood very well and i was one of them now.

The next day my mother and I stop by another alternative school up the street from our house and I enroll there since i knew that if i continued to go to the other school i would never graduate with them there.  I started the next day and right away things were looking up. No one knew me or my situation with Jade and Tasha. I was back in the hang of things with my straight A work and i got new friends. But my trust was very broken so i didn't fully give myself to them as a friend. I was there when they needed me but i never gave them my number, invited them over, nothing.  But they were sweet people. When i got home i heard my father yelling once again. He comes down the stairs pissed off, me being the non confrontational person i am and the type who is terrified of him and secretly hates him. I walk pass him to go to my room. "You better say hi to me "he says to me. I pause and think oh great here we go turning around i say "Hi"


"You need to check that funky ass attitude you got."


"I don't even have a attitude with you." i say silently


"Yes you do i saw your face. You walk in here every goddamn day and say nothing to me." He never says anything to me either i'm fifteen years old and his fucking fifty years old hes the damn adult he can say something to me. And he never fucking does and then wants to get upset when i don't say anything to him? How fucking childish is he? You want me to speak to you then change your damn attitude and speak to me. "You don't do shit in this goddamn house. I pay all the damn bills. I do! You and your mother get a damn free ride and you show me no respect and you walk past me and don't acknowledge me!" he yells and walks around the house looking for something he obviously couldn't find. "Since you don't wanna say shit to me i'm not doing anything else for you and your mother. I'm gonna take care of Terri from now on. My baby. You and you mother are on your own. Now, how about that. See how you fucking like that." he storms out the house with a slam of the door. I walk back into my room and lock the door.


My heart was thumping again and i felt another panic attack coming on. I had to cut again. It has become a drug to me and a much needed friend that would never abandon me. Before i could cut my mom knock on my door. Unlocking it and peeking through the opening i saw her smile. "You ok?" she asked me. I nodded and opened the door to let her walk in "He is just pissed at himself." she said . He always is and then takes it out on me I sat down on my bed and kicked off my shoes. "Oh yeah?" i said

"Yeah. He didn't pay the mortgage so our house is being foreclosed on."


"What..." i said looking at her in disbelief. She sits down and grabs my hands and holds them "We're gonna lose the house, Amelia."


"B- But where will we go? What would we do?"


"We have to find another place. I don't know where but we have to find another home." my mom said i could tell she was holding back her tears. This was her home since she was a kid. My nana and her moved here when my mom was little all her memories and nana's final days where here. I know she didnt wanna move but because of my stupid ass step father. We had too and it broke her heart deep down. This isn't the life my nana had planned for my mother or for me and i vowed that day i will do whatever i could in my power to give my mother the life he wasn't giving her.  And once i did. I would take her and Terri away from him and never look back. As far as i knew. At this moment in my life. My step father was dead to me. And he could rot in hell
 

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