I Love Him, I Hate Him

So there is this band called the Frozen Roses, and there's this group called One Direction. The Frozen Roses absolutely HATE One Direction, but their manager is having them go on a world tour with the guys. Will Love sparke between the two groups? Who knows.

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9. Fresh Start...Sort Of

Isla's P.O.V.

I woke up to the sound of Tom and Jerry. It had to be my absolute favorite cartoon in the entire world. I don't why I liked watching a cat and a mouse trying to kill each other so amusing. I just did. Harry was curled around  me and I smiled. His hands were tangled in my hair and it felt nice. I noticed that Kylii was awake as well. She had been the first to fall asleep last night and I could imagine why. She had done so much crying last night I would have passed out like she did as well. Brandy was laying on her like a blanket and I smiled at them. Kylii finally noticed that I was awake as well as her and she gave me a little wave. I couldn't imagine what she was going through right now. Niall had tried to kill himself after they had broken up. I don't know why they had split, they had seemed perfect for each other, not to sound corny but I though Niall was 'the one' for Kylii.

I hadn't been on any social networking since the concert so I didn't know too much about how much hate they were getting. Harry had been very tense about me using my phone and I wondered why. I'm pretty sure he underestimates how strong I am in situations. I don't judge him for that because he doesn't know my past. Not too many people do. In interviews I avoid that subject pretty well and I make sure in any sort of biography about us I get the smallest bit and almost no description of my history. Only my brother, Brandy, Kylii, Aurora, and Colbey know the full story.

Everyone else just knows that I lived with my brother and worked at a coffee shop. That's all the public knows nothing else. I don't know if I'll ever tell about what had happened to me and Ryan, but I do know that if I do tell it won't be happening any time soon. The entire story is long and painful. I don't cry about it anymore but it still hurts. When I almost got shot that meant a lot more to me than some bastard trying to kill me..I though he knew.

I was afraid he knew about me and what had happened before Andy had found me singing with my brother that day in London. We were out of money so Ryan took his guitar and we went downtown and started our own little show. He played the guitar and I sang. We did covers of songs since we weren't the best at song writing. Surprisingly we actually made some money. We got to keep our little apartment and Ryan got a job adding my coffee shop job and our little street show. He worked at a restaurant as a waiter. He had done it before and the place was pretty desperate for workers. We got by and I stayed in school for as long as I could.

I wasn't an angel at school I was a trouble maker that got into lots of messes. The teacher all hated me except for my Spanish teacher who I could joke around with. I had a group of friends. They all did some sort of drugs but I made sure to stay away from that as much as possible. I didn't have that much money and no parents to fall onto if I became broke. Plus it probably would've messed up my voice.

Finally one day Andy stopped by us one day during one of Ryan and I's street shows. He said he could make us famous, Ryan declined but I went with Andy and he put me into the Frozen Roses. I loved being in the band and still do but I still miss Ryan. Once I had gotten enough money I started send some to him so he could go back to school. I was happy when he told me he was going back. That was the good times of my history, what had gotten us there was a lot more horrible.

Our parents had never been the richest people. They also weren't the nicest either. My father was always very aggravated about how he couldn't get a job. He normally took it out on Ryan, normally by beating him. The beating started when Ryan was five and I was two. I don't remember much about the first few years of it but I know Ryan still has nightmares about it. My mother was normally a bit nicer and would keep me away from my dad as much as possible. Finally when I started school my mother had to go back to work. Ryan's beating would get worse and worse as the years past. My mother was always very stressed when she got home so she would yell at me to go to my room, and I would have to stay there for the rest of the night.

Ryan would bring me as much dinner as he could but sometimes he would get caught and my father would beat him even more. By the time I was eight I was completely used to living in a constant state of fear in my own home. I would store any food that I could in my room that I would get at school in case Ryan couldn't get me any dinner. I was so used to my mother screaming harsh and cruel things at me I would think that every mom would talk to their children like that. I was never allowed to have any friends over but I would go over anybody's house any chance that I got.

Life at home was a living hell for me. Ryan's injuries from our father would get worse and worse every day. I was much too scared to say anything to anyone about home so I didn't for six more years. When I was fourteen and Ryan was seventeen. Ryan and my father would end up knocking each other out everyday after school and my mother would cheer them on like it was fun to watch. I was still sent up to my room every day and I had developed a sturdy system of getting food from other people or buying it myself.

The day that the lady in the suit came I had already been sent to my room and I was scarfing down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich my friend Luke had gotten me. I was obviously extremely under weight and most people would call me anorexic. I didn't really listen to them because they didn't know, and I would rather have them call me names than have them know that I was sent to my room everyday like a puppy being punished. The lady had knocked on the door just before my father and Ryan were about try and kill each other again.

I watched from my window as my mother let the lady into our little one story house. I pressed my ear to my door to listen to what she was saying. I couldn't hear much, but then suddenly footsteps were advancing down the hall towards my room. My door swung open and my mother and the lady looked at me sitting on the floor looking bony as ever. I had my hair dyed a pale blue at the time and I suddenly felt even more scared than ever before in my life. I knew who this lady was she was going to inspect and ask Ryan and I questions and then leave to decide weather to take us away or not. If we answer these questions wrong there would horrible consequences later.

The lady had smiled at me and told me to come out and talk with her in the living room. I hadn't actually stayed in the living room for more than a few moments for s long everything seemed very foreign to me. Like I didn't live there. She asked questions and Ryan and I answered them while glancing at our parents every few seconds to see if we were doing the right thing.

They didn't give any sign of anything, that was what had scared me the most. After the lady left my father and Ryan had the worst fight yet. Ryan had lost and was knocked out on the floor, his breathing extremely shallow. My mother had forced me to watch while she whispered hateful thing to me in my ear. I don't like to think about what she had said to me but it rings in my ears every night before I fall asleep. "You are a worthless little bitch who doesn't deserve to live. You are an ugly piece of shit that would fuck anything that couldn't run away from you."

The reason I had thought the idiot who had tried to shoot had known about my past was because later that night I had woken up to my father aiming a gun at my head. I had screamed so loud he dropped the gun and I ran. Out of the house and down the street. I made it to my best friend, Brian's, house and he let me stay there for a while. I didn't go to school and Brian stayed with me at his house. The first few days I didn't say a word, I would just sit on his bed and try not to fall asleep. Eventually he got me to tell him what had happened and he called the cops. They arrested my parents and sent them to jail for the rest of their lives.

I still don't know what had happened to Ryan those days after I had ran away. He doesn't speak of it and I don't ask. The thought of my father came to my mind again and I shuddered.

I shut my eyes quickly and wash all the thought of my life before the Frozen Roses and think about the present. I suddenly realize Harry had woken up and was staring intently at my distressed face. "Are you ok?" He asked in a soft and caring voice.

I nod and shut all of the horrible memories out of my head, "Yeah I'm fine." I said giving him a half smile. He nodded and started playing with my hair again.

Zayn's P.O.V.

~in the hospital~

I had stayed in Niall's room all night sleeping on the extremely uncomfortable pullout couch. He was awake now but he was under constant surveillance, he couldn't take a piss without someone being in there with him. I personally felt that went a little too far, but I didn't want him dying. When I had found Niall on the floor of the bathroom looking dead I practically passed out right there.

I wondered what the fans' reactions to this was. The funny thing was it was our first stop and already secrets had come out, people had split, and there was a suicide attempt. I could only imagine what was going to happen in the middle of all of this if it was only the beginning.

Niall had woken up and seemed at bit angry, I'm putting that lightly. He started screaming swears at the nurses, saying, "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LET ME F*CKING DIE YA MOTHER F*CKING C*NTS!!!" I was deeply shaken about the point that he wanted to leave us all so badly. That was last night now this morning he seemed at lot more cooled off about the situation. Everyone was coming to visit today and he would be able to see Kylii. I truly thought they will be together again in no time.

He suddenly realized that I was in the room and he just stared at me with his blue eyes sad. "Did you find me?" Niall asked softly.

I nodded, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

He nodded back then looked at his tv which was on the news. The news of his suicide attempt was everywhere, plus many many many fans ding the same. I had almost completely forgotten how they would react to it. I shut my eyes again and tried to block out the sound of the woman's voice listing the dead girls' names that had killed themselves after they heard about Niall.

Finally after what seemed to be forever a nurse came it and turned off the tv. I sighed with relief but Niall glared at her. I got a text from Brandy saying they were coming over in half an hour and I smiled. I think it will be good for Niall to see Kylii and maybe he will get better faster. I remember the look of horror on Kylii's face when she saw Niall laying on the floor. It looked like she blamed herself for it. I knew they had broken up, but I didn't know it had hurt him so much.

Niall was staring at me with his piercing blue eyes, he didn't say anything but it felt like he was trying to send me mind messages. I could only guess what he was thinking but from how pissed he looked it could only be something bad. Finally an hour passed and there was a quick knock on the door. Everyone spilled into the hospital room and Kylii ran straight over to Niall. "Oh my god." She breathed when she saw all of the tubes connected to his arm. Her face drained of all color as Niall looked at her. His eyes showed pain, hurt, but there was no forgiveness anywhere on his face.

She covered her mouth and turned away, tears spilling over and running tracks down her cheeks. It was like there was an entire conversation filled into that one look and it wasn't a good one. Liam's face was blank, as if he was trying to hade all emotion that went on in his head. I looked at his eyes and they had a whirlpool of crushing pain, guilt, and fear.

I hadn't gotten up from the couch and I could feel Brandy's dark brown gaze set on me. I looked at her and she looked back. She was confused and I knew why. I had been acting strange around her because she did something to me. I had maybe felt this before once or twice but never like this. It was in my stomach, chest, and head. I got butterflies around her, I felt light headed, and my heart sped up just at the sound of her voice, all at the same time.

Kylii walked to the edge of the room near the door. I could tell she wanted to leave, she knew it was a bad idea for her to came and I agreed. Niall looked even worse now than before, Louis was talking to him quietly and Colbey was trying to get Kylii to calm down. Kylii was silently sobbing and she shook her head every time Colbey asked her something. She looked broken, like she couldn't go on with anything anymore.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as Brandy walked over to me. All of the nervousness took over me and I just gave her a little smile. "Hey" she murmured, as she sat down on the couch next to me.

"Hey." I mumbled back looking at my hands.

"So how long is Niall going to be in the hospital?" Brandy asked looking me in the eyes.

"The doctor says maybe five days." I replied trying to keep eye contact with her.

She nodded, "Kylii is tearing herself apart about all of this. Last night she stayed up just watching the news, your music videos, and crying."

I nodded, "Niall just watched the news and screamed at the nurses." I replied, thinking about the nurses reactions to him yelling so much. They seemed a bit startled but after the first hour of it, they adjusted.

Liam's P.O.V.

I just looked at Niall and he completely ignores me. Like he's in denial that I'm even in the room. Kylii left with Colbey and I think they went back to the hotel. Niall had watched them walk out the door his eyes cold and unforgiving. He acted like he hated Kylii and everything she did, even though three days ago they were in such deep love they were literally inseparable.

I can't believe I f*cked up such a great thing. I got them broken up, and now Kylii is just this cloud filled with tears for rain and raw emotions for lightning and thunder. While Niall is just a shard of glass, so sharp you can't get too close to it and if you touch it you'll instantly feel pain.

Suddenly the room is suffocating me. I have to get out and far away from it. I run to the door and burst out. Then I sprint down the hall and out of the hospital. I push past people as I run down the sidewalk. People start to realize who I am and start taking pictures. I want them to stop, but I have to keep running. Running away from that room.

I finally stop and I realize I have no idea where I am. I look around and the street is almost completely deserted. I sit down on the side walk and lean my back against a building wall. I didn't know if anyone had followed me, but suddenly I heard a single person's running footsteps coming closer and closer. I stand up and prepare to take off again but then I realize it isn't one of the boys. It's Aurora. Her velvet red hair streamed out behind her as she ran to me. Once she got over to me, she stopped running and sat down on the ground.

I look at her a bit confused on why she had followed me so far. "Why did you follow me?" I ask once I fully catch my breath.

Aurora shrugged, "I don't know." she replied still sitting on the ground. She looked exhausted and I wondered how late she had stayed up last night. She had dark circles under her eyes and her eye lids drooped as she yawned.

I sat down next to her and she just looked at me. "You know why the broke up don't you?" Aurora questioned and I realized neither Kylii or Niall had told the rest of them why they had split.

I nodded and looked at the ground. "I had kissed Kylii and she kissed me back. Then she didn't tell Niall until after I had told him." I said, still looking at the ground.

"Oh." was all she replied and I realized that she was looking at the ground as well.

I stood up, "Do you know how to get to the hotel from here?" I asked and Aurora nodded still sitting on the ground. "Can you show me?" I asked.

She nodded again and stood up. She had a newfound coldness towards me and I didn't blame her. She started walking and I followed like a child who had been scolded.

When we finally got back my feet and legs ached like nothing ever before. I have a feeling Aurora took the longer way just to do that. We took the elevator up to the top floor and everyone else was already back. Louis had decided to stay in the hospital with Niall and Zayn had come back in his place.

I didn't go to nail's room where everyone else was. Instead I went to my own and just lay on my bed, feeing like a f*ck up.

~~~

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