Who I Am (Sequel to How did I get Here?)

Reed couldn't take Jamestown anymore after she and her dad got into a fight about the boyfriend who hit her. So she went to New York to pursue her life long dream of becoming a dancer. The New York Ballet Academy has taken her under their wing and given her an apartment. She lives alone and spends nearly every waking hour dancing as she tries to drown out the guilt and longing she feels towards her all-time-best-friend-and-possibly-boyfriend Alex. She still has no contact to her father or half-sister and she tries desperately to become a new Reed. But at age seventeen is that poossible?

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1. New York

A/N

That's right! My baby is back like never before. I'm sorry I waited this long to put it up but time goes differently when you're on the Faroe Islands. So CC and Augusta, here's an extra long chapter for you guys. Just because I love you two <3

"Allright guys that's a wrap for today!" Madame Lavin says and claps her hands together. We all run to our bags. Most of the people at the school live out of city centre and need cabs but when we get outside I say goodbye at the doors and walk home. I don't live very far from the school.

At home I throw my keys in the window and head for the kitchen. It has been almost a year since I left Jamestown. I had talked to David and Emma but out of anger I couldn't bring myself to call my dad and out of shame, guilt and longing I couldn't call Alex. He was finished with school now as he was a senior last year. I still think of him when I start chopping vegetables and I am so caught up in thought that I cut my finger. "Holy motherfuc-" I grumble and stick it under the tab. I get out a band-aid and patch myself up.

I hear knocking at the door and sigh. The crazy neighbor Mr. Lewis has been complaining about noise ever since I moved in. I don't have the heart to tell him that the things he hears are only existent in his mind. At the door I wait for a second plastering a big fake polite smile on my face and open the door. "What can I do for you Mr. Lew-" But I stop short.

There he stands. As soon as I see him I rub my eyes and open them again. No it's not fatamorgana he's really here. I don't know what to say so I just stand there with my mouth hanging open.

"A call would've been nice!" He says exasperated and at the sound of his voice I throw myself into his arms. He pushes me back. "Reed what the hell? You couldn't make out one minute to call me? Tell me 'Hey Alex by the way I'm not dead or anything and oh yeah I moved to New York'. Huh?" "I'm so sorry." I whisper. And I am. The strain he's been under shows on his face and body. The guilt washes over me and tears fill my eyes. "Instead I had to hear it from David. Do you know how heartbroken he is? And do you realise how embarrasing it is for me to have to go there every week to make sure that a cab hasn't run you over or something?" "Alex I really am sorry." "And Emma? She's totally out of it! She locked herself in her room for an entire day after you left. And I won't even begin to talk about Gina!" "Alex please listen to me!" He falls silent. "I'm sorry ok? But I couldnt stay there any longer. Dad didn't even want to hear my side of what Tim did. If I hadn't left then he'd probably kick me out anyway." "So why didn't you come to me?" He whispers and the hurt in his voice is destroying me from the inside out. "I had to get away. It was too much. Too many bad memories are connected with Jamestown now. I can't go back. I couldn't stay." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I don't know. Why don't you come in?" I ask. He shakes his head. He does not look like the man he has become anymore. He looks like the boy that I left in Jamestown. "I don't even know why I came." He says and disappears down the hall. I let him go. All energy is darined from my body and I slump in an armchair. Alex has just showed up at my doorstep as a man and left again. And I had screwed up royally again. I go to my bedroom and take out my old camera. I scroll through the pictures of me and Alex one by one and fall asleep in the chair.

The next morning I wake up and realize that I'm late for school. I change at record speed into my dancing clothes grab my bag and run all the way to studio 4 where we are rehearsing. Luckily Madame isn't here yet and I slip inside to do my warming up unnoticed. Ten minutes later Madame walks in and starts class. After a day of endless pirrouettes and pointes we finish early and get an afternoon off. I try to call Alex but he doesn't answer. Not that I blame him. I call Leo instead. When he answers there is noise in the background and I can barely hear him.

"Hey Leo. Where are you? There's a lot of noise." "Hey Reed. I'm in the boys locker room." "Oh." "So why did you call?" "I wanted to see if you were free for lunch." "Yeah I am. Meet you outside in two minutes?" "Sounds great." I say and hang up. I go downstairs to the foyer of the school and wait. Very soon he comes running down the stairs. His face lights up in a bright smile that reminds me of David. The reminder stings my heart but I shake it off. "Hey!" He says as he jumps the last five steps and lands in a first position. "Hey. Where do you wanna go?" I ask. "I don't know you decide." He says as we walk out the doors. Outside Leo meets his boyfriend Kyle (Oh did I mention? Leo's gay.) And we stop to talk to him for a while. He's really nice and we have become great friends. When we finally seperate from Kyle all restaurants are closed for lunch and we go to a little sandwich place by Central Park instead. We sit down in the park where people are enjoying the last days of summer to the fullest. We're perched on some big rocks near the lake where we can overlook the entire scenery. I tell him about Alex showing up and he is as always supporting and sensitive. Once again my heart hurts as I look at the lake and I'm reminded of Pipestem. Oh how I miss that place. But then I start to think about the day that Alex took me out there and we kissed for the first time and it simply hurts too much so I push the thoughts from my mind. "So what are you going to do?" Leo asks quietly saying out loud the question I have been avoiding ever since Alex knocked on my door. "I don't know." I say and look down at my sandwich. I look up again and he is staring at me with worry in his eyes. "Reed you have to let it go. You need to focus on your dancing. I know that you're at the top of your class but that can quickly change if you let this get to you." He says stating what I already know but have been neglecting. I nod. "I know. Thanks Leo." "Anytime." He says and we hug. We talk about normal stuff for a while like school and the next party that is being thrown and very soon it gets chilly. We part back at the path as Leo is going one way and I'm going the other. We kiss each others cheeks and seperate. So I start to walk home but stop almost immediately. Alex stands directly in front of me looking more pissed thsn ever. "Reed who was that?" "Alex." I breathe. His agitation grows stronger and I can hear him fight to keep his voice calm when he asks again "Reed who was that?" "It was Leo." I say. He just nods and turns around stomping off. I run after him. No way am I letting him go again. "Alex! Alex! Please listen!" I cry. He turns around with hurt evident in his face. "Is he your boyfriend? Just tell me Reed is he?" Only now do I realize what Leo and I must have looked like. I snicker at the very thought. Alex looks horrified at me and starts to turn away from me again but I gain a firm grip on his upper arm and hold him back. "Leo's gay Alex." I laugh. His face dawns with realization and he looks at the ground ashamed. I walk closer still holding his arm. I press my body against his and look up at his handsome face. I reach up to tuck away some stray blonde curls away from his forehead. His breathing beomes heavy and I smile knowing that I still have that effect on him. He leans down and we share our first kiss in months. The well known feeling of his body against mine fills up a hole in my heart that was made as soon as I left. But now here we were kissing like none of it had ever happened. I smile into the kiss. I missed him so much and until now I didn't know how much my body had craved him. But now it was finally being satisfied

We pull away for air and I look deep into his gleaming green eyes. I can see that he's missed me too. "What does this mean?" I ask quietly. "I hope that it means we're back together 'cause I sure as hell can't leave after that." he says with a smile. I laugh and pull him in for another kiss. We walk to my apartment hand in hand. "You know when I told David I was going to see you he said "Go get my sister." I think we have his blessing." He says on the way. I laugh a bit. "It sounds like him. And then again it doesn't sound like him at all." "I know." We get to the building and I unlock the doors. As soon as we're inside my apartment I turn around, shut the door and kiss him again. I feel as if I will never stop craving that touch. We quickly get into a steady rythm and he pushes me backwards until we hit a wall. We stand there for a while. His hands are on either side of my head pressed against the walls and my hands are wound tightly in his blond curls.

Later that night we sit in the living room/dining room/kitchen and watch TV. Alex is sitting up and my head is in his lap. "Alex?" "Mmhmm." He mumbles. "I'm not coming back to Jamestown. You know that right?" "Yeah I do. Neither am I." He says. My heart lifts itself with joy. "You're staying?" I ask and my voice pitches with exitement. "I think I am." He says and smiles down at me. He kisses my forehead and lifts my head up so that he can slip out from underneath it. "I need to go get my stuff at the hotel." He says as he is putting on his light jacket. "You need any help?" I ask full knowing that he would never let me carry anything heavy. "No it's fine." He says and peck my lips on the way out. As the door closes I slam my back back on the counch. I looke at the ceiling, get a pillow and stuff it in my face screaming. But unlike a year ago when I did this in pain today I do it in joy.

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