Reality ruined my life

**Complete** They've been friends since they were tots. They've grown since they were younger, but there still the same kids at heart, that would do anything for their best friend. Falling in love is near impossible when its so hard to find people you can even trust with simple secrets when your famous.Trusting someone with your heart is a big deal.When every relationship you have, whether its platonic or more, is scrutinized and analysed by millions of people, can be very intimidating. Niall would do anything to protect Rachel and have her be happy even if that means he has to watch her date his band mate. Even if that means hiding his true feelings.

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12. Chapter 11 ღ never say goodbye.

Chapter Word Count: 2,085    Overall Word Count: 25,433

HERE you go guys!!!! :D the long awaited chapter 11! :) i hope you guys enjoy it, i teared up writing a few parts of it. I want to thank everyone for being so understanding and sticking with me. and 1000 reads oh my god guys thank you <3 thank you for everyone favoriting, liking, commenting and fanning! I also thought i should let you guys know im having a CONTEST for a story im writing but wont have the chapters published till i finish this story. I need 3 girl characters to include in the story, So if you go to my story Dont you ever change youll find the requirements to be entered into the contest to be 1 of the 3 girls! Thank you everyone so much I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! 

<3 bee

****

Rachel's P.O.V.

It felt like the days passed on without me. In fast forward, always constantly moving. Like I was standing in the middle of a busy road, seconds away from being hit. Everyone was stepping on glass around me. I felt like I wasn’t in my own body. I could feel myself drifting away to almost a point of no return. I needed to get away. Far away. I knew what I had to do. Even though I know I’ll be hurting the people I love most, it'll be worth it in the end. So I started with the note.

****2 Day's Prior****

I locked myself in Niall’s room the night that Niall had to physically drag me kicking and screaming from the hospital. I changed into his American flag onesie, than crawled into his bed. Drowning myself in the sheets that smelt faintly of Niall’s cologne I ignored the pounding of his fists against the door as he begged me to let him in. Silent tears fell down my face as I tried so hard to not open the door. After an hour he relented and the pounding stopped, all that could be heard was a quiet sigh, a whispered, “I love you Rache.” and the sound of his retreating footsteps down the hall. Then there was silence. My guilty conscience got the best of me; I can’t push him away like this. Why does he have to be so hard to ignore?

I had slowly clambered out of the bed. Unlocking the door and creeping down the hall and down the stairs. I turned the corner into the dark living room. The flicker of the TV was the only source of light in the room. I saw Greg asleep on the arm chair. Face squished into the arm rest, arm dangling off the side and knees bent over the opposite arm rest. Niall was flopped on the couch lying on his side. A blanket pulled up to his waist. An arm underneath the pillow under his head, and his other resting on top of the pillow, right next to his face. I silently crept towards him till I was stood right by his head. His eyes were shut tight as if he was willing himself to fall asleep. I sat down in the empty space that he left on the couch. He was a small guy okay; he didn’t take up too much space at all. His eyes popped open watching me as I moved the blanket so I could lie underneath it too. I lifted his hand up that was lying on top of the pillow so I could slide underneath it. Niall silently wrapped his arms around me, letting me cuddle into his embrace. He didn’t ask me anything, just took all that I could give him at the moment. He wiped the tear tracks away. Kissed both of my then gave me a chaste kiss. He held me for the rest of the night, while he slept I lied awake restless. Feeling like I would never drift off with my wandering mind. What was I going to do now?

****

I haven’t said a word to anyone.  I stayed silent. Not using my voice once from the moment I woke from my short slumber the night of my mother’s death to now, where I was lying in Niall’s bed, engulfed under all of his bed sheets. I stayed silent through my mum’s funeral. The boys had flown in along with Cher, Danielle, Perrie and Eleanor. The girls were teary eyed, fussing over me to make sure I was okay. I didn’t say a word; just let them ask me a million questions a second that went answered with a deafening silence. The boys pulled me into bone crushing hugs as they whispered their apologies for my loss in my ear. Liam pulled me tighter than the other three, letting me cry into his shoulder as he tried to soothe me. He told me everything was going to be okay and that he would help me through it. Liam truly was one of my best friends. He wasn’t Niall or Cher, he was different. And even with our history we could put it behind us and move on. Like we did fairly quickly. He was one of my safe places. It was a different type of safe, then what Niall brought me.

I silently cried throughout the whole service. My hand tightly clasped in Niall’s, the boys filled the rest of the row. My father sat silently on my right and Niall on my left. My dad didn’t say much, he mostly cried. He broke down during the speech he made about her. No matter how much any one believed my father hated my mother, they were wrong. Even after the divorce my father never stopped loving my mother, and she never stopped loving him. They just fell in love to early and too fast. It was the wrong time, and they struggled for years. And they couldn’t do it anymore. No one could deny how much he loved her. She was his life, hell she still was, and she was gone now. Taken before she should have been.

She’ll never be able to go dress shopping with me for my wedding dress. She’ll never be able to help me plan my wedding. She’ll never be able to watch me walk down the aisle. She’ll never be able to comfort me when I get pregnant. She’ll never have grandchildren. She won’t be there for their first birthdays, or graduations. She won’t be there.  I won’t have a mom for all these milestone moments.

They say when someone close to you passes, you go through these stages. There’s shock, denial, sadness, pain… And then you recover, and your life starts to go back to some state of normalcy.

I didn’t break down until they began to lower her casket into the ground. It had begun to rain when we made it to the cemetery. Everyone was huddled under umbrellas, as the priest said a few last words. There were tears in everyone’s eyes. I couldn’t do it.  I crumpled to the ground. Clutching handfuls of soaked grass in my hands, tearing them out of the soil they were rooted too. As Niall knelt down next to me trying to calm me down, I shrugged him off. I pulled my stupid heels off and threw them next to me. I pulled myself off the wet ground as everyone around me slowly made their way back to their dry cars.  Niall, my boys, and the girls standing solemnly behind me. Niall tried to steady me as I stumbled a little on the slick grass, but I pushed his hand away.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I just need some time alone.” I had rushed out brushing mud from my knees and black dress. As I looked up one last time I caught Niall’s crushed gaze. I tried to fake even the smallest smile I could to reassure them that I was okay. But I could tell they didn’t believe it for a second even if they didn’t say a word about it. I backed up from under the umbrella Niall was holding above us to keep us dry.

“I’m sorry” I had repeated before dashing off through the poring ran. They didn’t follow me. I wandered through town. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own because they brought me to all the important places, sending memories flashing though my mind. As my bare feet grew cold, as I walked through puddle after puddle, I found a little second hand shop. I must have looked a right mess because the little woman behind the front counter immediately ushered me over to a bathroom. She handed me a towel and went to find me some dry clothes.

I thanked her after I was dried off and in dry clothes. My hair was fairly damp but besides that, I was fairly warm now. The women found me a pair of black skinny jeans, a rolling stones tee-shirt, a jacket and a pair of warm boots. When I went to pay for the woman’s hospitality, she shook her head and gave me a sad smile.

“Don’t worry about it.” She had said quietly. I gave her a watery smile pulling her into a tight hug. Thanking her a few more times, I walked back out into the now drizzling outdoors.

I wandered our small town for a few more hours before I finally made my way home. Not really my home, but Niall’s. It was late. Dark enough to only see what the street lamps illuminated.

As soon as I entered the door, multiple arms engulfed me pulling me every which way. Questions thrown left at right, worries of where I was and what took me so long. I pried myself from their grips, and made my way upstairs. I moved almost robotically through the house to Niall’s room. Not showing any emotion. I was done crying. I heard one pair of footsteps follow me upstairs. As I pushed the door open to Niall’s childhood room, I kicked the boots off, and pulled my jacket off dropping them unceremoniously to the floor. I dug through my duffle bag, frustrated. I threw my bag on the floor when I couldn’t find what I was looking for. A hand encircled over my wrist stopping me from reaching for Niall’s bag to look through. I looked up to my captor to see Niall’s baby blues looking down at me, there were bags under his eyes, and a crease in between his brow. He pulled me into his arms, pressing a kiss to my forehead. He grabbed his Onesie off of the ground handing it to me so I could change as he looked for a pair of pajamas. I changed quickly, than crawled underneath the covers. I rolled over on my side facing the wall. Before I knew it, a warm body was sliding underneath the covers next to me, arms wrapping around my stomach pulling me into a firm chest. Niall buried his head in my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my shoulder blade.

“I love you Rache.” Silenced echoed around us, as the only sound that could be heard was the sound of Niall’s sigh, and shortly after his breath evening out as his grip tightened around my waist.

***PRESENT***

Hours later as I lay awake restless; I carefully untangle myself from his arms, and climb out of the bed. I gathered all of my belongings and changed into a pair of leggings a tee-shirt and one of Niall’s sweatshirts. When I made sure I had everything, I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked over to Niall’s sleeping form. I brushed a few hairs out of his face. I leant down pecking his forehead, I whispered, “I love you Niall James Horan.”

He stirred for a few seconds before settling back into a deep slumber. I let out a tiny breath I had been holding in, and crept out of the room and down the hall. When I made it to the front door, I realized. I can’t just leave. They deserve an explanation. I made my way to the kitchen. I found a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote everything down. Everything they would need to know. I signed it and told them not to worry. I left the note in the middle of the kitchen table where someone will be sure to see it in the morning. I then made my way outside to the waiting taxi I had called, taking one last look at the house, I slid into the back of the taxi.

“Dublin International Airport, please.” I said quietly to the cabbie, plugging my ear buds in, letting the music fill my ears, as the cabbie pulled off the curb and Niall’s family home became smaller and smaller till it completely disappeared as we turned the corner off his street. I checked the time on my phone 2:37 a.m. glared at me through the harshly bright light my iPhone illuminated. I’d already be back in London, packing my bags for another flight, by the time they will have awoken and found my note. I know it’s harsh, and drastic. But it needs to be done, I need to be alone. I just need to get away, far far away.

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