Nobody Compares to You

Celia is just a normal 18 year old, she lives a normal life until her brother, Jackson, dies from cancer. She is never the same because he was her best friend. She decides that when she turns 19, she wants to move away from the little town in New Hampshire and pursue her dream as a photographer. She moves to London, England and meets five boys that almost fill the hole that was made when Jack died. Will she fall for one of the boys? Will one of them fall for her?

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9. What was i thinking?

 

Celia’s POV

I haven’t had any work for a while. Niall and I have been dating for a week. I haven’t seen Payton in like two weeks. Ever since Liam and I broke up, I haven’t heard much from the boys, except Niall, obviously. I feel like they hate me. I cried myself to sleep last night because I went over to their flat to hang out yesterday, and Liam, Zayn, and Harry were out with their girlfriends, and Louis wouldn’t talk to me while I was there. I would try to talk to him and he’d act like I didn’t even exist. These boys have been like brothers to me and now they couldn’t care less of my existence. I made five new friends and lost them all in the same month. All I really have left is Niall. Payton only hangs out with Harry now, and I haven’t been scheduled to work in ages. I feel like all my happiness is slowly fading away. I love the boys, and Payton. But I feel like they are pushing me away. I don’t like how it feels to lose a brother. I would go home if I didn’t have Niall and this amazing chance to go to college.

“Are you okay Princess?” a thick Irish voice pulls me out of my deep thoughts and I remember I am with Niall.

“Yeah…I guess” I say unsure.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me anything.”

“I just feel really alone lately, I mean, you’re the only friend that even acknowledges my existence anymore.” I admit

“What do you mean? All the boys love you. And what about Payton?” he asks.

“Niall, Liam hasn’t spoken to me since we broke up, Zayn and Harry are always with their girlfriends, and Louis acts like he doesn’t care if I’m even alive. Payton is always with Harry. I haven’t had work so I either hang out with you or go home and wonder why I’m still here. I just want my brother back. I wish I could be with him in heaven, so I could hug him and tell him how much I’ve missed him. When I met you guys I felt like I finally had a reason to be on this Earth. Now all I have is a big whole in my heart that can’t be filled because practically everyone I love is far out of my reach. And all my happiness that I had for that short amount of time, is fading away. You are the only person who cares about me here anymore, I just can’t take it.”

“Celia, they may hang out with their girlfriends a lot, but I can guarantee you that they still care about you. Louis is just sad because Eleanor has been working a lot lately and he hasn’t really been talking to anyone. Don’t you ever say that you don’t have a reason to be here. You are here on this Earth because you are a wonderful person and all of your friends adore you.” He says sincerely. I don’t believe that though. If they were all out with their girlfriends then why wasn’t I invited all those times with my boyfriend? Why did I even come here? Why am I not up there and why isn’t Jack down here? He is a better person than I am. I miss him so much. He is the only one that can make me happy right now.

“Thanks Niall. I think I’m gonna go home and go to bed, I don’t feel well.” I lie. I grab my jacket, give him a kiss goodbye, and walk out the door. I get into my car and start it up. Tears well up in my eyes and I pull my knees into my chest, and cry, and cry, and cry. I finally compose myself enough to make it home.  I walk into my flat and onto the balcony. I have to get out of here.

I swing my legs over the railing and sit there for a minute. A tear falls down my cheek.

“goodbye Niall, Liam, Zayn, Harry, Louis, Payton, Mom,  Dad. I love you all.” I slowly move my feet down the railing and I lean over, looking onto the street below me. This is it. I’m going to see my brother again. A hand on my wrist interrupts my thoughts and I turn to look at who was there. There she stood, strawberry blonde hair, over her right shoulder and tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Don’t.” is all she says. I look into her watery eyes and see the girl I’ve missed so much. The girl who has been my best friend since I moved here. I climb back over the railing and embrace her in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I just miss my brother so much, and I felt like I have been screaming and nobody even hears. I felt like I have no other way out.”

“I know. I’m sorry I haven’t spent any time with you lately. I have no excuses, you have been all alone and none of us have realized it. Don’t you ever scare me like that ever again. I could never live without my best friend.” She says.

“It was a stupid thing to do, all I was thinking about was the bad things that have happened, not the good ones.” I saw a boy with brown hair walk through the door way. Zayn. He looked at me with a look I  have never seen on his face; disappointment. I  walk over to him and try to speak but he doesn’t let me.

“Are you insane? Why would you ever think of killing yourself? Did it ever occur to you that it may hurt your friends? What about your mother? She just lost Jackson and do you think she wants to have another child die? I can’t even begin to tell you the worry, the sadness, the regret, and the disappointment I am feeling right now. Did you seriously think, that for one second, that I didn’t care about you? I love you like one of my own sisters. If you died, we would all lose a sister, a best friend, a girl friend, a daughter. All because you thought we stopped loving you.” Zayn said raising his voice. I realize that everything he said is true, I brush past him, tears pouring out I start running across my flat and bump into someone. I look up into his blue eyes and I see tears in them. Louis stands there in front of me, I bury my face in his chest and cry, hard. I finally stop crying and I look into his eyes.

“Louis I’m so sorry, I thought you all were leaving me behind and I missed Jack and I just didn’t know any other way to get out of my depression. I love you guys and I am so sorry. I will never do it again.” He looks at me and pulls me into his chest. He strokes my hair.

“I know, I’m sorry I haven’t been nice to you lately I just miss…”

“Celia!” I heard another girls voice cut Louis off and I look towards the doorway and there stands Eleanor.” She runs over to me and hugs me tight. She lets go and puts her hand over her mouth. Her eyes fill with tears and she walks away, to compose herself.

“Celia! I was so worried about you!” Harry yells and hugs me.

“Don’t you ever do that again, you mean too much to us.” Liam says with a stern look on his face. I hugged them both and apologized.

“I love you guys. I’m so sorry.” I say. “Where’s Niall?” I ask concerned. Liam points out in the hall without saying a word. I go into the hall and see him sitting on the floor, shaking his head. I sit down next to him.

“I told you how much you meant to us. You said you didn’t feel well. And you go home and decide to try and kill yourself?! Did you ever think about us, your friends? Your parents?” I cut him off and held his hand.

“Niall, Zayn has yelled enough. I know what I did was stupid and selfish and I wouldn’t be surprised if you all never wanted to speak to me again, I wish I could redo these last few hours. I love you guys, and I don’t know why I didn’t see that before.” He leans in and kisses me passionately and it feels like hours. I pull away and help him up and lead him inside. I looked around at all my friends, tears in their eyes. We all bring it into a group hug and I whisper. “I’m so sorry, to everyone for putting you through this. I love you all, I guess I just missed my brother always being here for me that I felt like I needed to leave you guys to see him. Please forgive me?”

They all nod and wipe away there tears, as do I. Niall squeezed my hand and I put my head into his chest.
 

What was I thinking? I'm so sorry Niall, Liam, Zayn, Harry, Louis, Payton, Mom,  Dad. I love you all.

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