Against the tide


1. Chapter One



I looked down at the cuts on my wrists. I had broken my promise, I knew he would be heartbroken and would urge me to stop. But it's easier said than done. One week I'd lasted, one week without cutting. It'd been hard not to, to find other ways to calm down. I knew that Zayn only wanted the best for me, for me to be happy. 

I unlocked the bathroom door and decided to tell him, he'd be more disappointed if I didn't tell him and he found out for himself. I went into the kitchen and saw a note on the table.

Gone out food shopping, be back soon.

Love you

Zayn xx

I ran my fingers over the writing, feeling the indents where he had pressed the pen against the paper.

I heard the familiar click when the front door is unlocked. I walked into the hallway to see Zayn carrying shopping bags.

'You're up' he smiled. As soon as he noticed my wrists and the blood covered blade in my hand his smile vanished and you could see his heart break in his eyes.

He put the shopping bags down then wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him tight and nuzzled my face into his chest.

'You promised you wouldn't...' Zayn whispered, his voice breaking off at the end of the sentence. Tears started streaming down my face.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.' I sobbed and he hugged me tighter.

'Please... don't do it again...' I nodded and he let out a sigh. I knew this time he'd hold me to it, make sure I wouldn't.

We stood there for a while, his arms around me and vice versa, until he released me from the hug.

He picked up my left wrist, the one with the cuts on, and then ran his fingers over the cuts. They stung a little and I winced, he stopped then looked at me, clearly worried.

‘It’s not good to do this Meemz.’ He kissed my forehead before letting go of my wrist.

‘No matter what you go through, you have me.’ He said before disappearing into the kitchen with the carrier bags.

I ran upstairs into our bedroom and closed the door.

I looked at myself in the full length mirror.

I had bags under my eyes, my hair hadn’t been washed for a week, and I was pretty much skin and bones. I took off my top and I saw that my ribs were sticking out of me, like they didn’t fit.

The door opened and Zayn came in. I looked at him to see him looking at the state of me. I didn’t look beautiful anymore; I looked fragile, as if I could snap in two with the slightest touch.

‘I’m hideous’ I whispered before I sat down on the bed, my eyes welling up with tears.

‘You’re the same beautiful girl you were before. You’re still the girl I fell in love with.’

He sat down next to me wrapped his hand around mine.

‘Come on, let’s go downstairs and have lunch’ I shook my head.

Zayn kissed my forehead before whispering to me, ‘You need to get some food in you’ he stood up ‘Come on’

I let him lead me downstairs, knowing that if I ate anything I wouldn't be able to keep it down.


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