I Still Love You...

Austin(Ali) has a rough past with many things to haunt her. When a certain boy band comes around, she makes a best friend, and an enemy. She finds herself living the high life with these boys, until one phone call that rips it away and sends their life into a spiral of love, hurt, loss, and forgiveness.

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7. Chapter 6

"it's my fault." even now, 5 years later, this remains very true and heart-wrenchingly painful. Harry's eyes were filled with the same look I received from my brother. The same look I thought I'd get from my mother. The hatred of killing someone buried underneath the silky layer of wonder and uncertainness. 



"what do you mean?"



"I was very childish for the age of 13..."



**5 years previous**



"DADDY!!! Can we PWEEZE get some ice cream?"



"Austin. I've told you 5 times. Not today. We need to get home to give your mother her birthday present."



"humph." I folded my arms across my chest and pouted my bottom lip. My dad usually took me for ice cream every Thursday. Today was Thursday. 



"stop pouting!" he says looking through the rear view mirror.



"but it's Thursday! I want ice cream. You promised!"



He studies me through the mirror. The next few second are the worst of my life.



One second. My dad turns to look at me and cracks his warm, loving, and genuine smile.



Two seconds. The light ahead turns red.



Three second. Four. Five.



"fine." he says. "we'll go for I-"



BAM!



**present**



My eyes are burning now, as the waterfalls come from my eyes and I recount the day my hero was taken from me.



"Ali... That's not your fault." 



"yes it is. Had I not been so whiney and selfish, wanting ice cream, my dad would have seen the light turn red because he wouldn't have been turned around giving me what I wanted. It's my fault my dad is dead. I should've been the one to go. Not him."



"Ali. It's not your fault. It will never be your fault. It was just a roll of the dice. It just so happened to land on your father."



"you can say that over and over again. Everybody can and everybody does. But I know, and I know you know, that at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, it was my fault." I drop my head to my hands as waterfalls continue to fall from my eyes. "but I can't help but think, or know, that your wrong. Everybody is. I sit there at night and in myself in tears, wandering about my dad. What would he be doing now. Would he be proud of me? Would I be the same person I am today, or better because he was there to help me through the years?"



"you would be the amazing person you are today, but better. You would have just another person who loves you. Another one to protect you with all their heart."



Through the tears, I start cracking up laughing, earning a worried yet curious glance from Harry. "that's another thing I wonder about."



"huh?"



"of my dad was still here, would he be protecting me from all the ass whole guys that came my way, and the few that broke my heart? God knows my brother won't do it. He is the only one who thinks the truth. He knows it's my fault too. And he'll never let me live it down. He looks at me like I'm vermin. A disease that killed his role model. My brother was 17 when it happened. I haven't talked to him since... It tears me up inside knowing that what I did ruined the relationship with him. I love him so much, but he can't see that. I sit there and cry for hours on his birthday, and mine, just wishing for a phone call or text message, but he doesn't even have my number. I don't think I'll ever talk to him again, and it KILLS me." I stand up, "knowing I'll never be hugged by him again. I'll never smell the Old Spice deodorant he wears. Weird I know but its one thing I love about him. I smell it everyday. Yes. I wear that scent. It's the only thing that makes me feel even somewhat connected to the relation ship we once had."



"is this all true?" I jumped, startled by the voice that didn't belong to the curly haired boy sitting next to me. No, this voice belonged to one Mr. Louis Tomlinson, who had appeared behind us. Along with the rest of the boys and my very teary eyed best friend.
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