We're Like The Titanic

Excerpt: Liam and Danielle are like the titanic. They're the ship no one expected to sink"

(She looks the photo with shaking hands. It was private, so painfully private, dare she mar it? Change it? Because it was the last of it's kind - private from the public, just for them, and another would never be taken because there was no 'them' anymore.

"We're like the Titanic, Liam." she whispers with a choked voice and shaking fingers as she rips the flimsy paper with his face upon it, his lips kissing her hair, and in the frozen, torn up moment she's smiling this stupid smile, and Danielle remembers at that moment she had been thinking that she'd marry him.

"We weren't built to last."

And Danielle finally cries)

Or When-Danielle-Didn't-Want-It-To-End-But-She-Had-To-Let-Him-Go-Because-She-Wasn't-What-Was-Best-For-Him-Anymore.

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1. How Danielle Isn't Coping

1.

Danielle spun around on a heel in her flat, going round once, twice, thrice. The world rocked and span and blurred so that she couldn't see where she was going.

When she finally stopped, she realised the music had all been in her head, and there was no pumping beat, but just floorboards and cement and paint and the fabric of the carpet.

She collapsed on her sofa, realizing how silent it was.

"Well," she spoke aloud "what do I do now?"

(She doesn't know, because the room is so silent and quiet and it's just her now, and she has all the time in the world - officially that's why they broke up, they both didn't have enough time - but now she has nothing to do and she could've been spending this time with him)

(What does she do now?)

2.

Danielle's in the shower, the spray of water hitting her hard and fast and massaging her sore muscles (she spent ten hours dancing, and half of that time she didn't properly warm up which was stupid because when did she get so careless?) and her legs suddenly give out, and she falls to the tiled floor with a shocked scream.

"Ah... ah..." She's gasping, and her ankle is pulsing (she sees no bone, so not an ugly break - might now even be a break if she's lucky) and then she bows her head and tells herself that the water droplets running down her face are from the still running shower head and she isn't crying.

"Liam!" She screams, and she's shocked when she doesn't hear Liam's worried footfalls running to her side, doesn't see his brown eyes looking at her in concern, doesn't feel his strong arms hoisting her to her feet, asking her (are you okay) and (should I call the hospital) and she doesn't feel the soft kisses on the injured area, and it escapes her why for a minute.

Then she remembers - Liam isn't here anymore.

She sent him away.

And there's no way to deny that the water running down her face aren't tears anymore.

So Danielle heaves herself out of the shower and gets to a phone and calls the hospital, explaining the injury and the pain and the fact no one can help her because she lives alone.

She gets off the phone, and realizes that the aching in her ankle isn't even half the aching of her heart.

3.

Danielle's having a sorting out session, when she comes over the photo that she thought Liam had kept when she moved out (okay, she hadn't, but she had thought stupidly that it was gone, because it wouldn't be fair that it had stayed around, drifting round, but life isn't fair).

It was a photo of them, which they had taken when they were in bed, Liam's strong chest and arms showing as he held the camera the wrong way round and cut off the right side of his head, his eyes twinkling with mirth and his lips are curved into a sweet smile as he kisses the top of her curly hair (which looks horrendus, by the way) and she realizes that she'd forgotten how much she had loved him.

Did love him.

Oh, alright loves him.

She looks the photo with shaking hands. It was private, so painfully private, dare she mar it? Change it? Because it was the last of it's kind - private from the public, just for them, and another would never be taken because there was no 'them' anymore.

"We're like the Titanic, Liam." she whispers with a choked voice and shaking fingers as she rips the flimsy paper with his face upon it, his lips kissing her hair, and in the frozen, torn up moment she's smiling this stupid smile full of happiness and love and dreams of a stupid girl who should've known better, and Danielle remembers at that moment she had been thinking that she'd marry him.

"We weren't built to last."

And Danielle finally cries properly, full of remorse and regret and things never said, admitting that she's crying for him.

4.

(Bitch)

(Slut)

(Cunt)

(Ugly)

(Stupid)


but the one that hurts the most is

(Heartbreaker)

because she knows that she is.

She saw the comment long ago, just after it came out that they were over, finished, done.

(Liam and Danielle are like the Titanic. They're the ship no one expected to sink)

And she justs wants to agree.

Because even though she's the one who ended it, she hadn't seen the reasons and emotions and pain coming when she finally realized the relevance of the little known saying 'if you love him, let him go'.

Because if she stayed, it would've been bad for him, he would've tried to stay home for her (she's not being vain, she knows him better than anyone and she knows that's what would've happened) and maybe the tours would've been messed up because Liam would've always been coming home to visit her and then the rifts in the band would begin and it would've been all her fucking fault.

There is something called being too much in love.

Danielle hadn't known that.

Maybe if she had, she wouldn't have messed up so bad. But she pushes that idea away quickly, because she would've messed it up anyway.

It doesn't make sense, this train of thought of hers, but it's not like anyone's going to know, or anything.

5.

(run run as fast as you can you can't catch me i'm the gingerbread man)

She's running, away away in a stupid outfit because she's supposed to be one of Rylan's backing dancers and if she had the chance to do so with no consequences, she would give Nicole bloody Scherzinger some choice words about how slutty she'd like to be dressed for a gay man singing what was previously a half-decent song, and while she had the chance, she would murder Brian Freidman for thinking that she would look happy while figuratively humping the floor.

And she's just really wishing to have a go at Simon Cowell, because (hello?) a little bit of warning would've been nice that Liam would be appearing at X Factor out of the blue with the whole band, just walking round backstage nonchalantly.

("Hi") he had said, and taken a step forward, but she had turned on her heel so that the world was spinning and rocking and turning and she was running.

(run rabbit run rabbit run run run don't let the farmer have his fun fun fun)

And he was running after her, his worried footfalls pounding along the halls, and her hair was whipping out behind her and her dodgy ankle began to shudder, and then she fell.

But before she hit the ground, he caught her, and she was in his arms for the first time in... a while.

She struggled to turn as he righted her to her feet in the ridiculous high heels that she had always found it easy to walk in until today, where her limbs were shaking and her heart was stuttering and he was right there.

"I... I..." she struggled, and he seemed to be having the same problem.

They stood there for what felt like forever.

"So," he began, finally "how have you been? How are you?"

Broken Useless Alone Clueless Confused Betrayed Fragile On the verge of tears Depressed Anxious About to break down Ready to give up Pathetic Annoying I'm just a burden Distant Lonely Bitter Heartbroken Lonely Rejected Crushed I feel like I'm going to fall apart at any moment Empty Defeated Never good enough.

"Fine." she replies.

He gives a wan smile that doesn't come anywhere near his eyes.

"Yeah," his voice grates, rough, raw "me too."

They stand there a bit more.

She smiles suddenly, and it feels so fake, like plastic, like she's not a human being anymore, she's a machine, made to back out of the situation, get away, escape. She's an escape artist, she can do this.

"I've got to go warm up, but-"

He springs to life at the same moment "Yeah, me too, the boys were saying we had to go over some melodies for the teen awards-"

"Nice seeing you-"

"Have to talk again some time-"

And they both run in opposite directions away from the other.

Danielle feels brave, and she stops, and turns, and she sees he's done the same.

They're still both standing, faceing each other.

"Liam," she whispers, voice suddenly hoarse and gone and weak.

She knows he hears, because right now they're the only two people in the world.

"Yeah?" he's looking at her with those eyes that melt and change shape, and she knows she'll take them with her wherever she goes for the rest of her life.

Danielle stretches her arms out until she can't anymore, and recognition dawns in his eyes as he realizes what she's doing.

"I love you this much." she chokes out, joints threatening to pop as she stretches out as far as she can in the narrow corridor.

He stretches out his arms, mimicing her, like a cruel mirror.

"I love you more."

And that's all Danielle ever wanted to hear, because her arms drop by her sides, and she's running.

Running towards him, where he holds her in her ridiculous outift and strokes her straightened hair and she breathes him in, and they both know that this is the last time, it's just something in the air.

They break apart, and Danielle registers that she's crying again (when did she become such a sap?) and Liam's got a wet patch on his shirt.

"Take care of yourself, yeah?" She asks, because it's an overused cliche, and she loves him too much not to care if he gets hurt in anyway (if he called, she'd be there in seconds).

"Right back at you." he smiles, and Danielle knows everything will be fine.

At least until she's alone at home and she's spinning in circles and she doesn't know what to do.

Because what does she do then?

Because Danielle isn't coping, because there's such thing as loving somebody too much.

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