I'm In Love With You

Samantha has had a rough life. From being abused by her parents, to living on her own at 17. When she gets a recording contract from a big agency, she beings a new lifestyle. She meets many new famous people and has many short "relationships" with them. When she meets One Direction, she thinks will be just like every other relationship she's ever had. She expects them to use her and have nothing more than a one night stand. Falling in love is not an option.


8. Cuts

I sat on my bed, crying silent tears. I had no idea that Sam had felt this way about me. I didn't know that he was suicidal. All we ever did was talk about my problems, he never mentioned anything about feeling like this. I would have listened, I would have helped him like he helped me. I felt horrible. No matter what anyone said, I was the reason for Sam's death. Because I moved away from him, he killed himself. But it was also Bethany and his mom and dad's faults too. Bethany was his ex girlfriend. She slept with so many other guys and Sam knew about it, but he really did like her and really wanted them to work out, so he stayed with her. Then she broke up with him because apparently he spent too much time with me. She was a horrible person and she completely broke his heart into pieces. Then his parents. They acted like they were the best parents ever and that they got along great. But they weren't and they didn't. There was a constant feeling tension whenever his dad would come home. I think that his dad was cheating, that's why he went on so many "business trips." And his mom, drank a lot. Especially on weekends.

Sam never said anything about any of this to me. We talked a bit about Bethany but he said that he would get over it and that it was really no big deal. He never told me how badly it hurt him that she did that. I felt so stupid for not realizing.

It was 5 in the morning now and I still hadn't gone to sleep. There was no point in trying now. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I stripped and stepped in, feeling the warm water calm me down. I took a long shower, thinking a lot. When I stepped out I wrapped a towel around my body and looked in the mirror. I still didn't like what I saw. But if I cut and Harry noticed, then I'd be in trouble. But I was becoming more and more tempted to the longer I looked in the mirror. God I couldn't stand myself. I was the reason that my best friend and they only person I've ever truly loved was dead. I was the reason. If I hadn't been so damn selfish, maybe he would still be here. If I hadn't worried about only my problems, maybe Sam wouldn't have fucking killed himself. I grabbed my razor and started at it before sliding it across my wrist. One cut for everything I was sorry for. Sorry for not listening to Sam. Sorry for being so selfish. Sorry for not asking him how he really felt. Sorry for lying about not cutting anymore to Harry. Sorry for letting all the stupid rumors become true. Sorry for being such a burden on everyone I knew. Sorry for being alive. I put the razor down and watched as the blood trickled down my arm. I was sobbing now and I couldn't stop it. I wasn't being very quiet either. I sank down to the floor, still in my towel. I don't know how long I sat there before someone knocked on the door.

"Sam, are you okay?" Of course it was Harry. He couldn't know what I had done, he'd be so dissappointed.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said but my voice cracked and you could tell I had been crying.

"Can I come in?"


"Are you dressed?"

"No but I will be in a second." My arm still hadn't stopped bleeding and I was getting dizzy now. I took my towel off and tried to stop the blood, but it kept coming. Everything was getting really blurry. I got up shakily and began slowly putting some clothes on, trying not to get blood on anything. It was really hard considering how dizzy I was. I had my bra and underwear on, and had just finished puttinng my pants and my tanktop on when my knees gave out. I fell into a small puddle of my blood. There was a lot more blood on the ground than I thought.

"Sam?! Are you okay?"

I tried to get up but I just didn't have the strength. "No, Harry I'm not alright. I can't get up."

He opened the door and stood there staring at me. He had a look of pure horror on his face. I guess it was a pretty gruesome sight to see. A girl with cuts up her arm, blood covering half her clothes and the floor and a blood stained towel beside her. The last thing I remember before everything we black is Harry kneeling over me, crying.



She had done it again and this time she had gone too far. I quickly pulled out my phone, dialling 911 while trying to get her to wake up.

A dispatcher picked up and said in a monotonus voice "911 What's your emergency?"

"My friend she's passed out. She's lost a lot of blood. I need an ambulance now."

"Okay what's your address."

Shit. I didn't know I just knew kind of where her flat was. "Um the apartment complex near the north side of Central Park. Next to the doughnut shop. We're on the left side of the third floor."

"Okay an ambulance is on it's way. I'm going to need you to stay on the line until they get there okay? Now what's your friend's name?"


"Okay and what happened to her?"

"She cut her wrists and she was bleeding a lot and then she fell and passed out."

"Okay well can you feel a pulse?"

I felt her neck, and there was a pulse but it was faint. "Barely. What do I do?!" I yelled frantically.

"Just remain calm, the ambulance should be there in just a few minutes."

"We don't have a few minutes! SHE'S FUCKING DYING!" I yelled. Why the hell couldn't they get there sooner?! She was going to die!

"Sir I need you to calm down, she'll be fine." The dispatcher lady was trying to calm me down, but it wasn't working. "The ambulance is at your aparment complex, they should be up in a few moments. Is the door unlocked?"

Shit the door. I didn't want to leave Sam but I had to unlock the door. I quickly got up and unlocked the door, thowing it open. I saw the EMT's climbing the stairs with a gurney. I quickly ran back into the bathroom where Sam was. My heart was racing. They better save her.

"Hello?" one of the EMTs yelled out.

"Back here in the bathroom!" I yelled back. They were here. They were going to save her. She was going to be alright. They came into the bathroom and made me step back. They put her on the gurney and began taking her out of the flat and down the stairs. When they got to the bottom they quickly ran into the ambulance. There was paparazzi all over the place.

"Do you want to ride along?" One of the EMTs asked me. I jumped into the back of the ambulance and sat down, holding Sam's hand. They began cleaning the blood off. Some how she was still bleeding. She must have cut really deeply. She was hooked up to all kinds of machines. Suddenly one of them started to beep really loudly.

"The patient is going in to cardiac arrest!" I was frozen. Her heart was stopping. I couldn't breathe.

"Clear!" I let go of Sam's hand and one of the EMT put the paddles to her chest after having taking her bra and tanktop off. He shocked her and her back arched off of the gurney. The machine was still beeping. "Clear!" He yelled again. This time the machine went back to it's normal beeping.

"Patient is stable." I let out my breath. That had only happened within a minute but it had felt like hours.

We arrived at the hospital not long after. They put her on a hospital bed and wheeled her into a room, then hooked her up to several machines again. She looked so fragile and small. Her face was pale and her blonde hair was fanned out over the pillow. I grabbed her hand and it was really cold. I could feel the tears going down my face.

"Sam, you're going to be alright. I'm here, you're going to be just fine." My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I wiped my tears away and looked at the screen. It was Louis.

"Hello?" I tried to make my voice sound normal, but I failed miserably.

"Harry? What happened? Are you okay? Why didn't you come back last night? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He fired question after question at me, not giving me anytime to answer any of them.

"I stayed with Sam last night."

"Oh did someone get lucky?" I could practically hear his grin over the phone.

"No it was nothing like that Lou, we only talked and...and now..."

"What? Did she break up with you or something?"

"No Lou, listen, she's in the hospital."

"Oh my God. Is she okay? Are you okay?" He was really worried now.

"I don't know. I think she's going to be okay but Lou I really don't know."

"What happened? No wait on second thought, I'll be there in a few minutes. All of us will be."

"Lou you dont hav-"

He interruppted me "If she means this much to you and she's in the hospital, we're all gonna be there for you and her."

"Thank you Lou."

"We'll see you in a couple minutes." He hung up and I went back to sit next to her and hold her hand. She hadn't moved a bit. After a few minutes of me just looking at her, I texted Lou the room number. They all walked in about five minutes later.

I stood up to hug them "Hey guys."

"Hi." They all said together.

"Harry, what the hell happened?" Niall asked. He seem more worried about her than the other boys.

"Sam, she did something bad."

"You can tell us what she did." Louis said.

"It's not really my business to tell." I didn't want to tell them all what she actually had done, but I didn't want to lie to them either.

"I really don't think she'd mind you telling your best mates." Niall said.

He had a point. "She um..cut herself. Badly. She lost a lot of blood. Then on the ride here, she lost so much blood that she went into cardiac arrest."

They were all silent, and shocked. Then they all looked at her.

"Why would she do that to herself? She seems so happy."

"Yeah that's what I thought too. Then we talked about it last night and while I guess I understand why she does it, I obviously don't like it. I made her promise that she wouldn't do it again. But her friend who killed him self a few months ago, wrote her a letter before he died. I don't know what it said but I saw it on her bed and I heard her crying in the bathroom. Then, she broke her promise."

They were all still silent. I looked over at Sam. It was weird seeing blood being dripped into her body from a bag. I walked over to the chair beside her bed and sat down and grabbed her hand. I leaned over to kiss her forehead when I heard a really loud alarm go off. My head snapped up and I looked around for the cause of the noise. Then nurses barged into the room and surrounded Sam. One nurse pushed us all out. I didn't want to leave, but I was forced to.

We stood in the hall way before a nurse came along and told us we could wait in a waiting room just down the hall. I didn't want to be that far away from Sam, but they boys made me follow. They sat in the plastic chairs while I remained standing and started pacing.

"Harry, just sit down. Pacing isn't going to help anything." Louis said. He has really worried look on his face, they all did. Niall and I were the only ones crying.

We stayed in that room for about an hour before we were allowed back into her room. We were told to be quiet and not to move her too much, her body was extremely weak.

I walked into the room and froze. She was hooked up to life support. She wasn't getting better, she was getting worse. I broke down into tears again. I leaned against Liam for support. I couldn't handle this. I had barely known her for a day and here I was crying my eyes out while she laid in a coma basically. I hadn't realized until this point that I was falling for this girl.

*A week later*

Sam still hadn't woken up. It had been a week and I really hadn't left much. I ate here and sometimes slept here. I didn't want to be too far away if she somehow got worse or if she woke up.

She had another cardiac arrest after they decided to switch her medicine. Apparently her body rejected it and her heart just stopped. Now she was on some special type of medicine but she wasn't getting any better. Her body was still really weak and she was still on life support. The doctors said that she could wake up at any time, whenever her body decided it was ready.

Niall was here almost as much as I was. I'm guess he had developed a really big crush on her. Well too bad for him, she was mine.

"Niall do you like Sam?" I suddenly asked him. I hadn't really planned to ask him that, it just kinda came out. We were playing cards and he looked at me with big eyes, then blushed, then stared at his cards. I took that as a yes. "Well if you do, then you should know that she's mine." He looked back up at me.

"Oh really? What if she decided she liked me better?"

"Why would she? Who did she pour her heart into? Me, not you Niall."

"Maybe because you're the one that hogged her the whole time when we first met her. If you had just given me a chance, I would have taken your place and we wouldn't be in this situation. I would have stayed up until she fell asleep so I could make sure that she didn't do something like this." He was getting angry, I could tell. But that really hurt me. It was my fault that we were in this situation.

"I'm sorry Harry, that was way over the line. This isn't your fault. You did everything you could." He apolgized quickly. I knew he had only said that because he was mad, but it still really hurt me.

"No, Niall, you're right. It is my fault that we're in this situation. If I had done like you said and stayed up until she fell asleep, she wouldn't be on the verge of death right now."

"Harry it's not your fault. Like I said, you did everything you could. You couldn't know that something like this would happen."

"Yeah I did everything I could, but it still wasn't enough." I slammed my fist on the table we were using, Niall jumped. This was all my fault. My fucking fault. I slammed my fist down again and stood up and walked over to the door then slammed my fists on that. My fucking fault that Sam was probably going to die.

I slammed my fists down again and I heard a slight groan. I looked over at Niall. He was staring at Sam. Did Sam make that noise?




(A/N) okay I know I said last night would be the last time I'd update till monday, but I was done with my project in third block and decided to type this. This chapter wasn't planned, my fingers just typed what ever they wanted. I actually really like this chapter though.

Thank you for reading!!!!! Please keep commenting, liking, and favoriting.!!!!!!

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