Broken

"Forever and Always." he said while giving me my new promise ring. It has been the best 2 years of my life with him but now all down the drain. I didn't think a orange letter could pain me so much. That was three years ago and I am still a bit Broken but a little healed with the help of my new fiance, Max Walls. I am not ready to face him and probably never but I know I will be completly healed after the wedding, next month. I don't want to be Broken but I am still. Broken........

Hiiii!!!! So some of you are probably wondering who that HE is, well i can't tell you! It's a mystery!!! You must read and later on in the fanfiction you will find out. I did this so I could make cliffhangers because I love you guys!!!! haha!! Please leave some comments telling me what you think!!! Thank you!!!!
Jenn XXX :D

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1. Very long Prolugue

The pain you left me still lingers in my body but I will still love you even though it hurts. You broke me. I wait for you but I know you will never show again. I am broken but you don't notice. 'Forever and always' were the words you said to me everyday but were they true? You had me believe that I loved you and I still do. I missed those three words coming from you. Since you left, I have been nothing but a useless item. Thrown away and forgotten. I am like a broken toy. I can't be fixed and I never can. Your touch left the butterflies go crazy in my stomach but I never get that feeling anymore. I never smile because there is no reason to. Your gone and you thought it was for the best but you were wrong. You only made things worse. I just want you to come back. You don't know how much it hurts. I will never be the same. You were a part of me but you had left so I am the depressed one. I am in a great depression but I don't think I can go back to my happiness. I have cuts all over my arms and wrists. They leave the bad memories in me. You always find a way back to my head. I am worthless. My heart is broken and will never work again. It's shattered and cannot be used again. I am slowly dieing but no one notices me. I am now in the dark shadows away from everyone. Hidden away from anyone who trys. I just want him back but that will never happen. But I still believe he will come back and it will all be the same. I will just wait for you.

I just want to see your beautiful face and kiss those soft lips. Nothing will EVER be the same. I stopped eating and fixing myself up. I never leave the house you used to live in. I never stop crying. Your friends stay and try to fix me again but it just pains me more. Memories stick onto them like leeches. Your smell lingers on everything I smell. I still hear your voice speaking to me but I know thats not you. I love you so much but the pain always comes back and kills me more. I just want you to walk into that front door with your beautiful smile that makes me smile. I can never love anyone else like I loved you. You were my first love and I wished you were my last but now that dream can't come true. I feel like you had shot a bullet in me and I am dieing in the slowest way possible. At least I will die knowing that you loved me. Knowing that you were mine. Please come back to me. I wanna feel your touch once more. You are long gone and it still hurts me. I must thank you though. You made me stronger. I am still broken but a bit stronger. You took everything from me. My heart. My happieness. My feelings and you. Tears never stop flowing. I just can't stop thinking about you. The way you laughed at my terrible jokes, the way your hair flowed, the way you held me tight when I was scared, the way you had effects on me. I am back in my black hole. You made me feel safe and now I don't. You were my bestfriend and my lover.
You took my virginity and you can keep it. Please come back! I am begging you. I love you and I always will. Forever and always.

 

That was three years ago. You are still everywhere I look. I still love you. You never showed but instead you became a bigger british boyband with your bestfriends who were like my brother. I had gotten mad (crazy) when you left but now back to my normal self. I am still broken but a bit healed. I am not as insecure but now I love another man. Not as much as I loved you. I am much more happier than I was but still in my depression at times. I had been able to survive and at least fake a smile. Your friends left but kept the memories in the back of my mind. I still have nightmares and cry thinking about you. I hate you for doing this to me but I love you. How is life for you? Is it the same? Not mine but better than it was. I am engaged to the one I also love. I knew you weren't coming back so I had to move on. I still see one of your bestfriends and mine but mostly like a brother. He comes and checks on me once in a while. He makes my day better and so does the other three. They had managed to become friends with my love now. They are coming to the wedding.

I want to see you again but if I do I will break again. I must move on further. It has been a long three years and I still don't think I am ready to see you again. I must say a proper goodbye but I am not ready. I am just going to continue my happy life with Max, my fiance.
I love him also. You probably have a lovely girlfriend. I know you are much happier and have moved on a long time ago. Maybe even married? I wasn't fully healed but I know I will be soon after I get married and spend the rest of my life with Max. He fixed part of me with the help with our four bestfriends. Max will never take your place but something to make me smile about. You need to leave me alone. My head and nightmares. You are like a drug but I have to move on sooner or later. Hopefully sooner. I just need to say bye...... Just once. Maybe I was ready to see you again. Maybe...... Not now though, too soon. I need to talk this out instead of keeping this all to myself. Our friends don't even know that I still hurt. Max doesn't even know about you other than the fact your famous. Sometimes I think that killing myself is the only answer on being fully healed. I am still Broken.

 

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