Janoskians

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6. Chapter 6

*Annabelles POV*

"It was when I was in grade 4 that the troubles started. My sister and I were best friends. We wore the same clothes and did absolutely everything together. She was literally my whole life, we had a really unique sister relationship that I thought would last… forever. That's before she got diagnosed with leukaemia when I was 9 and she was 7. She was my baby sister and it felt like my world ended. For a year they tried all kinds of treatments and sometimes we would have a glimmer of hope that she would recover and get better, and for a bit we thought she had recovered. That's before she went into remission in December. Things were worse than they had ever been and for three months she kept living, barely and weakly. I hated seeing her like this and I would cry for days on end and I wouldn't go to school. This was back when I lived in Brisbane. This time 7 years ago, I was in the hospital crying under some random stack of shelves. I ran away when the doctors told us that my sister had died. The floor just fell from beneath me, and I just felt all kinds of pain. My best friend, my life, my sister had just died. And I felt useless. Every year we would go to her grave and have a picnic with chocolate covered strawberries, because that's her favourite food. It was really a hard time for us all. I guess your mum must know and my mum seems to think that we all need to move on, but I just can't. She'll always be a big part of my life and I just can't let it go. I always hate this day. Maybe it is time to say goodbye but, it's just way too hard." I concluded, looking back out at the ocean. Beau said nothing, he just stayed silent. The tears were coming again. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Beau look at me with sympathy.

"Anna… I'm so… I'm so sorry." He said, touching my arm. I sighed.

"It's okay, not your fault," I tried to smile, but I think I failed.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" he asked.

"I really don't know, I just. I couldn't face it I guess."

He nodded. I knew he didn't understand what I was feeling and I don't think anyone ever could. It feels like my whole body is engulfed in loneliness and sorrow. Like I have lost a part of me that I will never get back. My sister was my life, my everything. Now she is gone. How is possible to feel whole after your other half has died?

I suddenly felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. Beau was still beside me, looking at his hands, obviously thinking hard. I wanted to talk to him and reassure him that I was fine and that every year I felt the same pain. That I was used to it. That I was used to the idea that this feeling would never fade. Maybe somewhere, deep down, I always knew why the feelings kept hurting me. It was because I hadn't properly gotten over the events of my sister's death. I don't think I ever will.

I sigh and look up into the worried eyes of Luke. He is kneeling behind me, his arms still holding me together. I lean back into him and he sits down on the ground, his legs either side of me. Beau gets up and silently leaves us to talk.

I had always wanted to confide in Luke of my sister's death, but I had felt a strange sense of guilt, like I was disclosing one of my darkest secrets and in a way, I was.

We were just sitting like this for a while, until he finally spoke up and broke the silence.

"Anna… what's wrong?" he says worriedly. I knew the question was coming and I was ready to answer.

We talked for ages, me telling him everything about Sarah's (my sister) death. We talked about why I had never told anyone and he told me that everything was going to be okay. At the times when I had cried, I could feel his arms tense around me like he was scared I would fall apart.

I got up, realising that the sun was starting to go down. I had been out here all day, most of the time with Luke. I smiled when I looked up at the sky and felt the wind whip my hair around my face. I made a promise to myself, right then and there; one I knew would probably take years to keep true.

I made a promise to my sister, however dead she is physically, I made an emotional promise to love her and keep her alive inside of me. I promised her memory would never fade and that she would keep on living in my heart. I also promised that I would live twice as happily, to make up for her not being able to. I promised to cry twice as hard at times of sadness, to make up for her not crying with me. I promised to love twice as much, because I knew she would love the people that I loved. I promised to always stay true to how she lived her life; to the fullest.

*Lukes POV*

We were walking back to house now, hand in hand, and she had stopped crying but the evidence that she had been for the past hours was still obvious; the bloodshot eyes, the red nose and the swollen eyes. For the most part, she looked tired. Like she was sick of feeling this was every year, like each tear shed became harder and wore her out more. Like she need her mum with her at times like this, but she had sent her away.

I opened the door and my mum rushed up to Annabelle and engulfed her in a huge hug, which Anna returned. I dropped her hand and walked over to fridge, getting something to eat. Beau and Jai were on the couch, looking worried. I knew Beau and mum would've told Jai. We all just semi-smiled at each other. I walked off into our room and closed the door. I sat up in my bed and grabbed my laptop, checking out my Facebook requests and notifications.

I had heaps of comments on my recent photo saying, 'Add me Luke!' Like said in many previous Ustream videos, I can't add or accept anyone else. I was actually starting to get a little bit frustrated because they just didn't understand. If I could add everyone, I would. But I can't.

I hear the door creak open and Anna sticks her head around, smiling the first smile I have seen from her all day.

"Hey cutie," I say, making her scrunch her nose up with a smile. I chuckle because she hates pet names like baby and sweetheart. I never understood why but then again, I don't understand everything about Anna and I don't think I ever will. Girls are so confusing.

"I'm so tired Luke, I'm going to bed!" she runs and jumps on her bed, flopping at an awkward position. She slips under the sheets and curls up in a little ball, closing her eyes with a small smile on her face. I watch her slowly drift off. As her breathing slows down and her mouth slightly opens, I know she is asleep. Quietly, I follow her lead, and drift off to sleep myself, thinking of how much it would ruin my life if Jai or Beau died…

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