How I Got What I Wanted

Tania Jones is just another girl with a dream. One of the millions of girls auditioning for the M Factor. She would put everything on the line to win, to be famous, to never have to do anything but sing, and when she's turned down in the judges houses she does...
This is for the M Factor Competition. Please comment, like, whatever. All constructive criticism is welcome. :)


2. Let Go

I can't describe the following week. Anxiety, excitement, follwed by a whole load of scanning and putting away. All overshadowed by guilt and shame. I would wake up in the morning, almost happy, then realise I had work. Then realise I was a disgrace. I would go to work even sulkier than normal, and not even answer Georgia's witless comments most days. Frank seemed to have disappeared, which is just as well. I guessed he would be "pulling some strings" as he innocently put it. Mum didn't notice anything different about me, because I was moping about at home before Frank's proposition anyway.

Then I got a phone call.

After that it seemed my life was spinning. The reality of my situation was finally becoming clear to me.I was going to lie to everyone, to my mum, to Georgia, to everyone. Suddenly there was a great, high, unbreachable wall between me and the rest of the world. And I was alone on the other side. It wasn't pleasant lying to my mum, pretending I was happy. But I realised I was going to have to get used to that, since I would be lying to the cameras every week from now on. The night I told my mum was hard. It was also the first time I sang since Dubai. I knew I was going to have to practise ten times as hard as the contestants who actually deserved to be there, if I was going to make anyone believe I could win. After warming up my voice, I sat down on my bed, closing the door behind me. I turned on my streo and flicked through the songs. Nothing suited me today. Nothing that  had any meaning. I had too many happy songs on my ipod. Then it hit me. I pulled out my guitar from under my bed quickly, itching to get my feelings out. There was nothing better in the world than expressing myself through singing- I just had to find the right song. My fingers strummed the strings; gently at first, I was a little rusty since I haven't played since Dubai- and two weeks is a long time for me not to play. Once my memory jogged itself back to place I launched myself into the song.

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!

After that I sang some Beyonce, and then Christina Aguilera. My voice was flawless. I put my heart into every song I sang, leaving my concience behind. From now on I wasn't Tania anymore. I was a star.  An evil, cold, star. I put my guitar down, pleased with my singing. I knew one day, in the distant future the old Tania would come back. The honest, fair, truthful Tania. For now though, it would be the safer if she just stayed hidden, far away. Whatever cruel thing I was becoming, the mask I was wearing, I knew it would get  me where I wanted. I heard my mum's slow footsteps, and the creaking of the door.

"Hey sweetie, I just came to see how you're getting on" he said settleing herself on my bed.

Having no morals is easier thna i thought, thanks, I thought to myself. "I'm alright. I can't wait!"  I said instead, giving my mum a big grin. She gave me a a big hug.

"I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it"

That's how I knew the old Tania was really gone. She wouldn't have been able to control herself and would cry, or at least drop a couple of tears down mum's old cardigan. But that Tania was gone.

"Thanks mum. Your support means so much" I said instead. At least now I knew. I knew that no matetr what the M factor throws at me I'll bounce back. Now I knew I could win, and I would win, without  futher "help". I knew somewhere deep inside was that old Tania, the honest, fair, truthful girl I once was. BUt it was safer to keep her well awya and let the cold and cruel Tania do the work. I knew this new "me" would get me where I need to get.

Before I knew it, I was saying good-bye to my till and Georgia. I would remember all the good things about her, not the annoying. I would remember the day just before I left, the day I spent at home with my mum, making cupcakes, then eating them in front of East Enders. I would remember kissing her then stepping inside the black cab. Happy on the outside, empty on the inside. The night I left I wasn't nervous, or excited. I was ready to fight.


-the song is "What I've Done" by Linkin Park-



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