Romeo & Juliet's "Undying Love"

Ehm ... What can i say about this? Well, I had a free English and the teacher told us to write an essay about Romeo & Juliet at Halloween, so I came up with the idea of doing a parody of Romeo & Juliet's love, on the basis that, whenever a couple get married, they immediately hate eachother. It's not brilliant, I will admit, but it makes me giggle so I hope it will provide you with 1 of your 5-a-day of laughter. Also, this contains a bit of bad language so excuse me in advance for that.


2. The Orchard-Hatred/Love

Romeo hopped across the wall into the Capulets' orchard. He crept over to Juliet's balcony and looked up at the glass doors that opened out onto the balcony. Right now, they were closed. He shuffled about on the ground to find some pebbles to throw at her window to make her aware of his presence. when that failed, he used a slightly larger stone. That also failed to wake her up.

"Wow, heavy sleeper." he said to himself as he grabbed a rock and threw it up at her window, smashing it in the process.

His eyes lit up triumphantly as Juliet stormed out onto the balcony, but joy soon turned to regret when he realised how angry she was.

"Are you sick in the head?!" Juliet screamed, "Here was me, expecting a fine night sleep after getting the shift at the ball but no! Then you had to come along and smash my fucking window!"

"Well" He said obnoxiously, "Don't I feel like a proper tit now?"

Juliet sighed, still rubbing sleep from her eyes, "What do you want?" 

"Well, I was expecting a nice friendly chat but there's no chance of that now, is there?" Romeo said sarcastically.

"Well it's not my fault you went and smashed my window" Juliet retorted, "Have you got any idea of how much that is gonna cost to fix?!"

"Well this would never have happened if you weren't such a dry shite and hadn't left the party 3 hours early!" Romeo shouted

"Oh, so now this is my fault, is it?!" Juliet snapped.

"Chillax babe" Romeo said arrogantly, "You know you can't stay mad at me."

"You're right" She said "I can't.

"So, anyways." Romeo said, "Do you want to get hitched up?"

"You mean, get married?" Juliet asked.

"Yeah" Romeo replied, not thinking of what he was letting himself in for.

"Oh my God. Yes!" She cried, "While were at it, why don't we just have sex?"

"Jesus Christ!" Romeo exclaimed, vomiting into the nearest bush, "Take a look at yourself!"

"Yeah, I suppose." she replied, "My fake tan is a mess tonight. You can blame my Nurse for that. I love you."

"And I quite like you too." Romeo said lovingly, "Let's get married tomorrow."

"That's great!" she exclaimed, "But where am I gonna get a dress? I could go to TK Maxx, but I would be ripped off in there. I think I will just go to Primark instead."

"Hazah!" Romeo shouted triumphantly and galloped off into the distance while Juliet was left checking out his arse.

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