Moments - A Harry Styles Fanfic

One night when Olivia Howard hears her daughter crying she decides it's finally time to tell baby Darcy about her daddy who just happens to be Harry Styles. Read about how Olivia came to love the boy that we all love too. The heartbreak and happiness she shared with the curly haired boy.

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8. Dreaming...

Chapter 8:


Dreaming...


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As I held the cold silver of the knife in my hands I started to think of everything that had happened to me in the last six months of my life. My own mother had died of one of the most painful diseases, I wouldn't wish the pain she experienced on my worst enemy. She had cervical cancer and yet she never complained not once. Never did she try to show any sign of hurt.

It wasn't until the final month that I realised how much pain she was really in. Of course by then we were told it was fatal but we didn't know what she was really going through. She stayed in the hospital and I could only stand by and watch as her hair, eyelashes, eyebrows everything fell out. Her skin began to get greyer and greyer and her green eyes that I inherited no longer sparkled like they used to. She didn't let us take any pictures of her while she was so I'll so the last photo I have my mum is my twelfth birthday party. That's how long she had cancer for....two and a half hell filled years of chemotherapy that was useless in the end...

She left us anyway....

I carried the knife up the staircase careful to hide it in case my father saw it. I reached my room and found the photo. The picture of me and my smiling mother when I had just turned twelve. We both looked so happy. My mum looked so healthy and her eyes were bright and glimmering in the sun as she stood with her arms wrapped around me. As I smiled you could see my braces shining because of the flash. Not my best look...the tears started again and I felt worse than ever. It's time...

I placed the precious picture carefully on my duvet and sat down. The tears fell more prominently down my cheek. I need a way to rid myself of this hurt, this pain. I need to forget. I placed the shining blade over my wrist and hovered it there for a second. I took a deep breath and held it in as I pulled the blade back and put pressure in my tanned skin.

First there was a light scratch. I thought it would be enough...it wasn't. The pain disappeared within a few seconds. I placed the knife over the same spot and once again slid the blade against my skin. This time the cut was deeper and some blood started to flow out. I made sure not to cut too deep because this was just enough. It stung like hell but it made me forget everything...

I pressed my hand on my wrist and went to the bathroom to try and stop the blood flow. I ripped a piece of tissue from the roll and placed it on the cut as it started to soak up the dark red thick blood. The pain was horrible but it was better than what I was feeling before...

After the blood stopped pouring I tried to find something to cover it. I eventually found a wristband that just about covered the forming scar, but if anyone were to move my arm it would show...

It was only now 3pm but the tiredness was practically knocking me out. I had to get some sleep. I decided to go for a quick nap so I pulled the covers across from my bed with my non-injured arm and climbed into the warm duvet. The heaviness of my eyelids overtook me and I gave in. Within seconds I had fallen into a deep dark dreamless sleep...or so I thought...

I found myself in a bright white room that hurt my eyes to look at.i stood there for a couple of seconds wondering what was going to happen. Nothing. Why am I here?Suddenly I heard a voice that had once given birth to me. Mum...

"Mum?!" I asked tears in my eyes as I tried to talk through the lump in my throat.

"Baby..." She said softly as she came into vision. She was absolutely stunning....just look I remembered her before she got sick...in fact she looked even more beautiful. Her short dark brown hair still cut into a bob. Her green eyes glimmering in the light and her full pink lips pointed into a smile. She was dressed all in white..I'm not dead am I?!

"Am I...dead?" I asked worried at the consequences I had to face after my actions this afternoon. She shook her head but looked sad.

"No Olivia, but you can't do this to yourself....you can't go back to cutting" She spoke with a hurt expression in your face. "But mum...it's the only way" the tears were now freely streaming down my face. She stroked my cheek to wipe the tears away and I held her hand in mine. It felt alien. Her hand didn't feel like it used to. It just felt like a cold presence on mine. Sort of like cold smoke...

"It's not baby, you've got so much to live for...so much talent. You're going to be an amazing artist some day" She smiled kindly at me and I weakly returned it.

"So why am I here?" I asked sniffling. "To make sure you don't do it again..."
I nodded for her to continue.

"I want to show what you're future will be like if you continue to go this way in life..." she frowned as she spoke and I already knew this would be bad.

The bright room went black and we stood in darkness as I awaited the scene before me.

I dark clearly run-down apartment was displayed in front of us and there was a girl in the corner. She was sat in a bedroom. The bed wasn't made and there was some random guy in it. He looked like some sort of druggie. The girl was crying in the corner. I caught a glimpse of her face. Her dark brown hair was lump and flat onto her head. Her green eyes were lifeless and only showed loneliness. Her skin was an almost dark grey colour. She looked terrible. That girl was me...

"If you continue to go the way you're leading this is your future. A different hook-up every night to pay for your cocaine addiction, and yet you still cut. Sometimes you nearly go to deep. You won't last much longer. One time that knife will slip and you'll lose too much blood....you never got a career. Never went to college and Harry....he moved on. He had to. He couldn't wait for the girl who didn't want him..." she explained and I began to cry even harder. What did she mean by 'he couldn't wait for the girl who didn't want him'?

I was about to ask when the room went black again.

I woke up in a sweat, panting and gasping for breath.

"Mum..." was the only thing I could manage to croak out. My throat was bone dry. That dream was too real. Too vivid. It had to mean something...

I looked over at the alarm clock on my bedside table and groaned as I rubbed my eyes. 3am. There's no way I'm getting back to sleep.

I stood up out of my warm bed and went downstairs to get a drink before I died of dehydration. I know what I'm going to do. I grabbed a glass and filled it with tap water. I quickly chugged it down. The cool liquid felt great sliding down my throat. I placed the cup in the sink and went back upstairs. I pulled my easel out from my under my bed. The painting I did when I first met Harry was on top of it. I threw it across the room not wanting to be reminded when I remembered my wrist. I slid the bracelet from the cut which stung like hell and saw the dried blood starting to form a scab.

The pain was horrible from having something graze along it all the time but it has to stay covered. I set up the easel quick enough and found an empty canvas. Just what I need. A fresh start. Before i make a fresh start though. Time to check my phone and get my miseries over with.

I turned on my phone that had been switched off all day. I didn't exactly want to speak to anyone. 32 new texts....woah....

23 were from Harry.
5 from Andy.
4 from Gemma
And 1 from my dad.

This should be good.

'Liv I can explain. Please talk to me!'

'She came onto me and tried to kiss me'

'you're the only one I want. Not her'

'it meant nothing'

'I'm so sorry. Please just let me tell you the full story!'

These were just a few of the pathetic apologies from Harry. How could he think he could just go and snog another girl just a week after saying he liked me? A week after snogging me at his party? A week after we spent the night together having the best night I've had in a long time? Not having sex but being close. Having fun together.

I threw the phone across the floor not in the mood for anyone feeling sorry for me. I don't need that crap right now. I found the paints on my bedside table and started squeezing the thick liquid forcefully out of the tubes. I grabbed my artists paintbrush and jammed it heavily into the black paint. All the anger, Hirt and annoyance I what been feeling was inside that piece of wood. I gripped it so hard that my knuckles were white and began heavily outlining my feelings in the dark colour.

I then pushed my earbuds into my ears and pressed shuffle on my iPod. The song that came on was one I really didn't need right now. "How to save a life" by The Fray. Why is it every time im depressed I listen to a song that somehow relates to how I'm feeling and makes me feel even worse?! I let the tears freely flow down my face as the song continued. I need to stop crying. I need the years to go away. No more sadness. No more hurt.

How to save a life....

I broke down completely as the song ended and in front of me, my new creation, stood tall still balancing on the dark wooden easel. It pictured my mother painted vaguely in black paint, in fact the whole painting was in black. Then there was hands with cuts all down them representing me cutting, Harry, lips again, even Skye made it on, the whole painting would look a mess from someone else looking but it all clearly made sense to me.

I dropped the paintbrush as I lay on the floor in a fetal position. I didn't feel better at all. In fact I felt worse. Everything has finally caught up on me...

I lay there for what felt like minutes thinking of my nightmare, my mother, Harry, Skye, everything...I realised I had been there longer as the annoying buzzing of my alarm clock sounded waking me from my daydream. Well there was nothing happy about it so you couldn't exactly call it a dream...

As much as I didn't want to have to face sitting next to Harry or even going to school at all I decided I had to. I can't show weakness. I'm not weak.

**

I cut out most of the last part of my story for Darcy. There's no way I want her to here any of this. It was one of the most depressing days of my life and she doesn't need to know about it.

It made me smile knowing that Darcy looks up to me so much. I've done a good job as such a young mother. I adore her and she adores me. I don't want her ever going through what I went through...

But she has no-one to spoil her like she should be. I just don't have the money to spend on nice clothes, toys and everything a little girl wants.i barely have a enough to feed us and pay the bills.

She needs her father...But I promised myself I would never let him into her life. Not after what he did...

**

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Authors note:

Ok so I don't usually wrote an authors note for this story because I just think they irritate people and not a lot of people actually read them, but I just wanted to say that there will be a surprise for you guys in the ext chapter so I will definitely need a few votes for me to put up the chapter!
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