Sick and Tired

James Potter begins to realize his life isn't as perfect as he firstly thought of. Hogwarts' graduation grows closer, and a war waits for him outside of the gates. A tired enemy fuels the indecision and uncertainty James feels about where he's heading, and the destiny of many might be involved into James' brand new path.

Warning: this is a Snames fic, mature content.


15. The Muggle

I thought I would have some free time for myself in the morning before giving Voldemort the spell at night, because thankfully my ribs were easily fixed with Skelegrow and painkillers. I only thought I’d have free time, though. I discovered you cannot possibly have time for yourself when you happen to be involved with Potter: while I tried to assemble a somewhat nutritious breakfast in the kitchen, Potter walked inside my house.

Rather, I heard the lock unlocking and someone closing the door after him. Who else could it be?

“You know, there is such thing as knocking.” I said when Potter followed the smell of coffee and found the kitchen.

“I don’t have the time for knocking.”

“But you have time to come here and bother me yet again. I see.” I replied as I continued to focus on the task of not burning my scrambled eggs.

“Well, I will bother you, I assume but…” he hesitated for long minutes. I honestly did not care for what he had to say so I stayed silent, too. “I kind of… Revealed our secret to a muggle and he… Hm… Lives next door to Padfoot and I thought you’d want to take a look at that.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I knew I couldn’t trust Potter.

“You did what, Potter?” I asked when I opened my eyes again. I turned off the heat on the stove, my breakfast completely forgotten.

 “You know, it’s a long story. Thing is when I got home, Lily accused me of having an affair and she smelled you and your stupid cologne on my clothes and thought it was from a woman and she stormed off to her sister’s house.” He explained, barely stopping to breathe. “At first I thought, well, I could drop by here and demand you explain the situation to her so we could get back together because her sister is truly an awful human being.”

Telling her how I’ve changed was my biggest desire, but I knew she would never forgive me, as well as it would put me in unnecessary danger. I wanted to avoid it as long as it could be avoided.

“But…” continued Potter, with his ears red. Was he blushing? “I didn’t really want to get back to her, and before you punch me in the face, let me tell you why.”

He paused.

I crossed my arms, ready to hear why he decided to throw her away.  Rather, I deep down knew it was bound to happen: everything he did seemed to be done to get to me, including getting the woman I loved. Maybe he saw her as just a prize and got bored as soon as he realized she was a real woman and he would have to show a little more commitment than just holding hands in the hallways at Hogwarts. I wondered what explanation he managed to gather.

“Well?” I said.

“I’m…” Potter swallowed hard and looked away. “I’m…”

“You are… You are…” I mocked. “I tell you what you are. You are a cunt, Potter. A cunt who decided to have Lily because she was the only one who wasn’t swooning at your feet and when you had to do something for her and her safety you backed off. You never really loved her.”

If he ever loved her, he never did as much as I did. As I still do.

“It’s not that, it’s that…”

“What else could it possibly be? Do tell me.”

He took a deep breath.

“I’m into guys, alright? And this muggle I told your secret to: I slept with him once or twice and when Lily left my house, I went to his place because I was feeling guilty that I didn’t want  to mend my relationship with Lily. He would understand. Well, we drank and we slept and while I was sleeping, Sirius showed up and asked Raphael where I was. He didn’t tell anything to Sirius, of course, but later he asked where I was during the times I was with you and I ended telling a… Simpler version of what I was doing with you. I didn’t say anything which would explicitly identify you but Avery and Mulciber would be able to pinpoint I was talking about you.” He said, all at once.

I couldn’t make sense of his words for a whole minute, during which we just stared at each other in silence.

“Yeah.” He broke the silence. “You are right, though. I don’t love Lily as much as you, or as much as I thought I did.”

“Because you like it up in the ass.” I observed, finding the whole situation funny rather than embarrassing or potentially dangerous to me. Which it also was, but meanwhile, I needed to get back at Potter for something, at least.   

He agreed: “Yeah. Because I like it up in the ass.”

“What about Lily? I had the displeasure of meeting her sister and Lily is probably not going to have the greatest time of her life if she stays there.”

“Well, my plan was to convince her to get back at my place just as friends. I can’t really look at her face anymore.”

I snorted, holding back laughter.

“She will never accept that.”

“It’s the best plan I have. I don’t want to tell her anything.”

I would have to think of something. Potter’s preference did save me the trouble of letting yet another person know vital information about me that could get me killed. The muggle could be dealt with: Voldemort knew Black probably was nothing but a paw in the game, so the muggle was safe, for the time being. Voldemort was more interested in more important figures of the Order of the Phoenix.

That train of thought led me to another point. Potter needed to learn Occlumency, not only to be able to shield memories about me against Voldemort’s legilimency, but also to learn how to control his feelings and how to not spill my beans to every man he slept with.

First things first. Deal with the muggle.

“You need to take me to his place.” I said. “I need to wipe his memories.”

“I know. I told him I’d drop by later. So it can be now, if you want to.”

“Not so much as I want, but I need to, don’t I?”

“I suppose. I’ll take you there. Sirius is probably sleeping so he won’t see us.”

I sighed.

“Let me at least eat something first.”

My grand breakfast was two bites of an apple and four sips of coffee. Didn’t want to waste time eating when a muggle was a loose end of my secret. Potter took me to an alley in a sketchy part of London.

I couldn’t say any better about the place I lived, though the lack of people around was a benefit considering how many times Potter showed up at my door.

We walked inside a building and used the elevators to go to the tenth floor. Potter knocked softly in the third door of the hallway.

“You’ll put him to sleep right? I don’t want to use violence.” Potter questioned.

“I’ll be gentle.” I sneered.

The muggle opened up the door. He was an athletic, light brown haired man and smiled at me as soon as he saw me there.

“Hello sir.” he said, eyeing me head to toe.

I didn’t bother.  I was used to people, and by people I mean Potter, scrutinizing my appearance.    

“He’s the guy I was talking about.” Potter explained. “Mind if we come in?”

“Not at all.”

As soon as the door was closed, I expertly took my wand out of my pocket and knocked the muggle down with my own spell. It made people unconscious for a length of time, enough to flee or tie them up if need be.

I raised an eyebrow to Potter.

“What exactly did you tell him about me?”

“The basics. I was jealous of you and your friendship with my girlfriend, then I acted like a jerk and now we are working together on something.”

It was pretty obvious he was talking about me. At least he had brains enough to come and tell me instead of brushing it to under the carpet.

“You do know I have to go through his memories, I suppose.”

Potter sank on the couch.

“Well, you’ll see some uncomfortable things. I’d rather if you didn’t, but I made a mistake and this the way I have to pay for it, I think. So be it.”

I’d rather not see them too, but it seemed that I had no other choice.

“I’m the one who’s paying, Potter.” 

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