Sick and Tired

James Potter begins to realize his life isn't as perfect as he firstly thought of. Hogwarts' graduation grows closer, and a war waits for him outside of the gates. A tired enemy fuels the indecision and uncertainty James feels about where he's heading, and the destiny of many might be involved into James' brand new path.

Warning: this is a Snames fic, mature content.


8. Popped Cherry

Awkward. That was one word to describe the whole situation.


Mildly “stoned”, drunk, sitting at a pub, waiting for no less than eight meatball sandwiches while having a scotch with a dude I just kissed. To swallow down the news, I needed some much stronger than weed or beer.


“So.” said Raphael with a polite smile as if though nothing had happened. “What do you do for a living?”


“I...” I tried to think of an answer, but my mind drifted away from it. I had quite a few questions, instead. I knew not all dudes were into girls, though I never gave much thought about it, to be honest. Now the thought hit me like a pile of bricks. “How did you find out that you were... You know...”


“Gay?” he finished the sentence in a lower tone of voice. We were in a private booth but I suppose he didn't want to risk being heard.


I nodded, staring at the ice cubes in my scotch.


Raphael shrugged in response: “You just know. The same way you know you like girls. I knew it as soon as I started the dating phase. Wasn't easy. Parents kicked me out of the house when they found out last year and here I am. Such a waste, they said. I was on my way to become a lawyer. Now I work in a shop at a corner of a poor neighborhood.”


Although his words could come accross as sad, he seemed to be rather relieved, or at the very least, apathetic.


“Don't you regret it?”


“What is the point in living a miserable life? I couldn't live like that. I'd rather be living on the streets. I'm glad I found my job quick enough and was able to support myself without having to go through that.”


That was a truly awful thing to experience, I suppose.


“That is terrible.” I said, with my head still spinning.


“What about you? This is the first time you kiss a man?”




“Did you like it? Be honest, I didn't ask anything before kissing you. I won't be offended if you say no, and, by the way, you already doing great if you are here talking to me.”


Did I like it...? I didn't know. It was different. Didn't feel any wrong, though. Well, besides the fact Lily was waiting me at home. Trusting that I wouldn't cheat on her, and I did. With a man.


“I'm not sure.” I replied, doing as Raphel told me and being honest. “It was... Peculiar.”


Raphael offered me a smile.


“Fair enough. I promise I won't do that again. Unless you want me to.”

We remained in silence until the sandwiches arrived. During all the time, I was conscious of Raphael's every move and breath. Everytime our legs touched under the table, my skin was set on fire.


I loved Lily, didn't I? Well, it was true that after we moved in, things weren't the same. I knew very well I wasn't ready to live with her just yet. I was young and I wanted freedom to do as please, go out, get drunk and come back home in the following morning. But I couldn't let her live with her muggle sister that didn't like her.


In Hogwarts, kissing her and being with her was a treat. It turned into routine, and I didn't want routine.


I loved her all the same.


We went out of the pub and dropped by a 24 hours store to buy more beer, still in silence. Raphael acted naturally and I couldn't stop observing him. His politeness, the gentle way he moved. Couldn't stop thinking about his teeth softly digging into my lower lip. Yet I still didn't quite accepted what happened.


Then we headed back to Padfoot's apartment.


“Oh, finally!” he exclaimed when he opened the door. “My stomach is eating itself alive.”


Then we sat down to eat. Padfoot and Moony made conversation about impersonal muggle things. In a sense, Raphael and I were similar on the fact we had something to hide from other people. We couldn't dwell too much in talking about our personal lives or the secret would leak.


Within a couple of hours, Padfoot passed out and not much later, só did Moony. I remained awake because I didn't drink at all after I got into the apartment, and neither did Raphael. And we were alone again. Padfoot and Moony couldn't hear us. Too passed out for that.


“I think I should be going home.” he said.


“I'll take you to the door.”


At the door, before leaving, he turned on his heels.


“I must say, it was nice to meet you.”


I was sweating a little. Being around him put me on my toes, and I didn't know what to reply. We were standing só close, and he was slowly getting closer. Leaning in for another kiss. Once again, I couldn't muster the courage to stop it.


And this time, he placed a firm hand on my neck and put his tongue in my mouth. He was gentle, but firm. With the other hand, he closed the door and we were locked outside of the apartment, with me pinned against the door.


I had some odd kind of eletricity running through my body, a buzz stronger than alcohol or drugs. My mind was completely empty, filled with nothing but the sensations. Without even noticing, Raphael dragged me into his apartment and laid me down on his couch.


When I realized, he was on top of me, kissing my neck when I was pretty sure I could feel his erection against my stomach. Well, I suppose we were even on that, because I was rock hard too.


Raphael sat on his ankles and took off his jacket and his shirt. He was definitely a man. I wasn't making out with a woman.


“Wait.” I said, sitting down and putting my glasses back into place. “How can this...” I made a gesture pointing at me and him alternatively. “Happen? We are two guys.”


Raphael grinned, undoing and pulling down my pants.


“I'll show you.” he said, making a trail of bites down my chest, ending up in the navel of my boxers which were also pulled down. He knew very well what he was doing on the blowjob department, but the painful part would come later, when all the clothes were gone. He took me to his room and laid me down on my stomach.


Discretely he smothered lube all over his penis and got on top of me.


Oh oh. I figured out where this was going.


“It's not going to hurt if you relax.”


I wasn't able to. It hurt a lot, but there was something oddly pleasant about it. His hand stroking me meanwhile didn't feel bad either. I closed my eyes and bit the pillow, trying to avoid think about the situation and its implications. It felt good and was all I focused on at the time. I never had such an intense experience. With Lily it was great, though maybe the sense of accomplishment that, yes, I boned her, was bigger than the physical pleasure.


In the following morning, I headed back to Padfoot's apartment very slowly, yet as fast as possible with all the soreness going on. It hurt at first, was hurting then and would probably hurt a little longer. Being in the same room as Raphael again wasn't a choice after what we had done together. I didn't know if I was embarassed because I was innocent enough not to know a thing – after it was over, I realized it was pretty obvious – or because I actually enjoyed it.


Padfoot and Moony were still sleeping. I grabbed my wand and apparited away, back to my house.


Lily would be very pissed. I just hoped she didn't notice I was walking funny.  

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