Sick and Tired

James Potter begins to realize his life isn't as perfect as he firstly thought of. Hogwarts' graduation grows closer, and a war waits for him outside of the gates. A tired enemy fuels the indecision and uncertainty James feels about where he's heading, and the destiny of many might be involved into James' brand new path.

Warning: this is a Snames fic, mature content.


13. Affairs

When I brought back his wand, Snape was already pretty much standing. He still moved slowly and was supporting his weight on the wall, but if it wasn’t for the fact I saw him being ejected out of the room and passing out, I would think he just likes to walk nearby walls: it freaked me out to see that he was in pain but kept his expression and breathing normal.

Mr. Marshall, meanwhile, still struggled with all his strength. The first thing Snape did when he had his wand again was knocking him out, with whatever spell he used to do that. A spell of his own, most likely.

With a little bit of struggle, Snape kneeled beside Mr. Marshall.

“Legilimens.” he whispered. He seemed to be out of himself for a while and suddenly, he was back.

“What’s that spell?” I questioned. I felt like I should help Snape by supporting his weight but didn’t dare to touch him if it wasn’t strictly necessary. Not after realizing he had a penis. And I happened to have sucked a penis recently and enjoyed it.

“To be short, it’s for mind reading.”

“You didn’t do that spell on me when I wasn’t looking right?” was my first reaction. I think I would want to dig a hole and bury myself in it if Snape found out about Raphael.

“Trust me…” Snape replied very slowly. “I’m not interested in knowing what you think.”

Then he proceeded to mutter some spells while still keeping the tip of his wand on Mr. Marshall’s temple. Within two minutes, it was done and he stood up and immediately supported himself against a wall.

“Would you please untie him and put him on his bed as if though he’s sleeping?” asked Snape. “I’m afraid I can’t even carry my own weight.”

I shrugged.

“Sure.” But doing so under his watchful gaze was unnerving. “Will you stop looking?” I requested as I dragged Mr. Marshall’s limp body back to his bed to tuck him nicely.

“I’m trying to look at the window.” Snape explained himself. He was across the room, nearby the door, while the bed was under the window, in the opposite side. “If someone heard us here, we will be in danger.”

“It’s too late of the night and the houses are too far apart for them to hear anything.” I said. “I mean, Mr. Marshall woke up but he was probably paranoid since he joined the Order, right? As far as I know, no one else from the Order lives around here. Right?”

“I’m hoping so.”

I tucked Mr. Marshall on his bed and tried to organize the sheets.

“We are done here. Let’s go.”

Snape went out first, but walked with difficulty, even with his weight on the wall. I knew I had to drag him back to our apparition point, because appariting at the house would be too dangerous considering the amount of noise we already made. He didn’t want me too and I was a bit resistant but when we made to the top of the stairs, I knew he would have to be dragged downstairs by me.

I placed my arm around his waist, slightly intoxicated by his smell. Since we were not in a position of immediate danger, I was relaxed enough to realize he smelled like cologne. I’d expected him to smell like smoke or herbs or coffee, but no. He smelled nice enough. He put his arm around my neck, keeping his wand ready with the other. His touch was still comfortably warm and I just hoped I could get away from him soon enough: I was thoroughly embarrassed that I was noticing these things about him.

“One step at a time.” he muttered.

He was Snape, bloody hell. But Snape was a he, which seemed to be my focus at the time.

“You wear nice cologne.” I blurted out after five or so steps.

He frowned and fleetingly looked at me, as if checking I was still myself.

“We can exchange beauty tips at a more convenient time.” was all he said.

But the worst part wasn’t the stairs. After we left the house I realized I would have to drag him uphill until the borders of the forest. He was thin alright, but still weighed quite a lot. Bones were heavy, after all. I did manage to complete the feat and get us back at his house safely. I put his on his armchair and quickly fled to my own house, hoping I would get away from my conflicting feelings over there.

Which, by the way, I didn’t.

His smell was on my clothes and followed me everywhere. I could still feel his warmth and the tingly sensation on my skin when he looked at me. Damn it.

The lights were off when I walked inside my house so I thought Lily was still sleeping. I thought I could take a shower and change my clothes so I could slip back into bed without smelling like Snape. Though Lily was waiting for me, pretty much awake, sitting at the bed, in the dark.

She turned the lights on when I walked in.

“Where were you? I was worried!”

“I was at… Padfoot’s?” I tried.

“No, I called him. He said you weren’t there this afternoon either. Well, he did try to lie to me at first but I pressured him until he told me everything. Where were you?”

"I was with Snape questioning my sexuality" wouldn’t sound so good, would it?, I pondered. And then remained silent. Snape wanted me to keep quiet about him. And I felt it would be the sensible thing to do right now.

“Are you having an affair, James?” she accused.

“I… Sort of am.” I said. Wasn’t a lie… “I feel that we… Uh… We just moved in together way too soon. I feel like I married you. But I’m not even twenty. I love you, Lily, but this level of commitment just threw me off. I’m sorry.”

She stood up all of sudden, conjuring a trunk and furiously throwing all of her clothes inside it.

“I’m going to stay at Petunia’s.” she said with tears pooling in her eyes.

I approached her: “I want you to stay here, Lily.”

“You even smell like her!” she exclaimed, completely hysterical.

Oh oh.

“Lily, please calm down. I care about you. Deeply. I don’t want you to stay at your sister’s house. Please stay, so we can talk this out and maybe still come out as friends.”

“I don’t want to look at your face ever again.” She hissed and disappeared with a loud pop. She took her trunk with her.

She might even come back and live with me, but I knew she would never be my girlfriend again.  The worst about the whole situation wasn’t that she broke up with me. It was that I was relieved that she did.

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