Messed Up Truths

Life never really turns out the way you expect it to. But when your 29, dumped, sacked and living with your parents...your just doomed.

Follow my story as I share with you the highs and lows of being a 29yr old girl going crazy...desperate not to reach the big...I can't even say it without shedding a tear (3 0)!!


12. The non date

“So it’s a date?” Jana roared, doing her little annoying victory dance.

“No he just said he wanted to see me again.”

“You’re meeting him tomorrow evening?”

“Yes but it’s not a date.”

                I tell myself this to put the pressure off myself.

“Ok so let me get this, you’re meeting Ben tomorrow evening, around dinner time, where just the two of you will be having dinner...on your own?”

“Yes but it’s not a date!”

                Jana gave me a cheeky smile.

“Have you heard from Kim?”  I asked.

“No why?”

“Just wondering what she’s doing for her 30th, it’s in two weeks time.”

“Kim’s been in her little world lately, I don’t care.”

                I wanted to tell Jana about the affair, I really needed to get it off my chest but I knew she wouldn’t be the right person. Jana would only go crazy.


                Ben insisted on picking me up from my house but I really couldn’t risk him bumping into my parents especially my nosey mother. I chose to meet him at his favourite restaurant “The Blue Have.”

                The Blue Have just for the record is a treacherous place for me, it’s a restaurant/ bar with three floors. I’ve ended up at this place five times, whilst on a night out and each time I’ve been mugged. Not only has this place embezzled my dignity, it’s taken my phone, my necklace, two jackets, a left shoe along with hundreds of pounds! Yet I insist on going back for more!

                As soon as Ben mentioned this place, I shuddered but I  chose to go along with it. I just hoped none of the staff remembered me.

                I wore a black dress with my special spanx underneath to keep everything neatly tucked in. Spanx are certainly a long way away from the days when I’d resort to wearing cling film under my dresses. I spent an hour sorting out my hair, it need to be straight with lots of volume. Hair makes such a difference.

                Ben looked handsome, if he could possibly get better looking. His green eyes sparkled in the light. I felt this sudden warm rush spread across my body.

“You look so beautiful.” He said.

                I smiled, desperate to burst!

“Thank you, so do you.”

                I cringed!

                The night was going well, Ben even suggested another date, was this guy mad? Everything was going well until I proposed the idea of being my date at Kim’s (not yet organised) party.  His face instantly dropped.

Had I just overstepped the mark by inviting him to be my date at my best friend’s birthday, where they’d be other friends of mine. Oh gosh I pushed him, it’s too soon to be introducing my’s over. He’s going to smile, be polite, thank me for a wonderful evening then go home call his phone operator change his number and never call me again!

I’m going to be single for the rest of my life, my ovaries will just shrivel up and die. I’d have to resort to buying a dog and dressing it, substituting it for that child I longed for, name it something normal like Emily or maybe Charlie for a boy...

“You ok?”

                I instantly snapped out of my mind numbing thoughts.

“I’m fine.” (Damage limitation, try to get him back), “I’m sorry did I freak you out?”

                Ben just froze and stared at him, his eyes glaring into mine.

“No” he chuckled, “Not at’s just.”

“Just what?”

                He froze again, now something was definitely wrong.

“Look forget I said anything.” I muttered.

“No! I want to go, I’d actually like to meet your friends but.”


“It’s Kim...”

“Kim? What about Kim, do you know her?”

“I do.”

“How” I demanded, slightly irate at this point.

“Look I’m going to be honest with you. Please don’t take this the wrong way...”

                Oh god, here it was, he was going to single handily rip my aching heart out and eat it right in front of me. I had no choice but to watching him shred it piece by piece.

“Ok.” I managed to mumble.

“Christmas day, I came over to see Kim.”

“What! Why?” My voice was beginning to rise.

                Suddenly my throat was making way for regurgitation...if only there were some baby birds around to feed. I had hoped he wasn’t Kim’s mystery man.

“I met her a couple of months ago...”

“In this bar and you went for a drink somewhere.” I intercepted, “I don’t want to know the rest.”

                I stood and stormed out of the restaurant. I felt sick and humiliated. Everything was a blur.Ben ran behind me and grabbed my arm.

“It’s not like that, listen to me...why are you running?” He yelled.

“Because I know the entire story, you and her having this little affair. I take it the pair of you were having a good old laugh behind my back.” I rambled.

“What wait! Affair, what are you talking about?”

“Stop pretending to act stupid, I know everything. The theatre trips, Manchester, Bora Bora...Oh my gosh your name isn’t even Ben!”

“Stop this, you’re mad!” Ben yanked my arm, gaining my full attention.

                He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his wallet,

Ben Rabeel, the name clearly marked next to his photo on his driver’s licence. I was utterly bemused.

“You’re not Zeb?” I asked, completely confused.

                Ben chuckled, “I’m sorry I told Kim it was Ben but she was rather drunk that night and started calling me Zeb, I didn’t feel the need to correct her.”

“So it is true! That night, she left her jacket behind in the bar and you seduced her. The trips to Manchester and..”

“I’m not sure what that lady has been telling, in all honesty she is a little crazy. Christmas morning I woke up to find twenty six miss calls and like eight texts. I have them on my phone.”

“Is that why you were there that day, when you met me.”

“Yes! She text me saying come to her house it was urgent. She needed to tell me something. I’ve never been so freaked out. I thought it was some bust up she had with her husband.”

“Wait you knew she was married?”

“Yeah, she told me.”

“I’m so confused!”

Ben’s side of the story

“I met Kim in a bar after work, I was with my brother and some of his friends. I was standing at the bar and she comes up to me giggling, she seemed quite drunk at this point. She kept pinching my bum, I think it was one of her work friends, this guy who had to drag her away, from me, to sober up.

It got to midnight and I think her friends had abandoned her at this point because she was alone, she kept pestering me. I felt a little bad for her, as she was alone and quite emotional so I gave her some water to sober her up. She kept saying something about needing some air so I took her outside.

Kim was all over the place, she mumbled stuff about her sexless husband and her need to be a women. I really thought she was a man until she flashed her boobs. Anyway I gave her some more water but she threw it out of my hand and lunged at my face, she attempted to kiss me but instead ended up vomiting in my mouth. I can still taste that vile concoction of redbull, vodka and I think it was broccoli.

The bouncers refused to allow her back in so I called my brother and we all went back to his flat. She slept in my brothers bed, a bit of a tight squeeze. The next morning, she looked awful and he kept running to the toilet. We spent like an hour looking for her mobile phone, I called it a million times but after finding it she realised she’d put it on silence. I felt really bad for her so I dropped her off home, she kept apologizing, but it was fine. 

I thought that was the end of it but she kept calling to apologize and she kept calling me Zeb, it made me laugh and like I said I really didn’t want to correct her. I did meet up with her for a coffee because she felt really bad. After work she insisted on meeting me, and I mean really insisted. She hounded me, so I went along (To a public place, of course).

She was a mess, she kept crying about things, I made no sense of what she was saying. I told her maybe to seek some help...I made it clear, in the nicest possible way that I couldn’t see her again. That’s why I freaked out when I got all those calls and messages. I thought she might have done something bad to herself.”

                I pondered over Ben’s version of events, but I’d soon managed to forget them after our goodnight kiss.

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