Messed Up Truths

Life never really turns out the way you expect it to. But when your 29, dumped, sacked and living with your parents...your just doomed.

Follow my story as I share with you the highs and lows of being a 29yr old girl going crazy...desperate not to reach the big...I can't even say it without shedding a tear (3 0)!!


9. The confession

I frantically hurried to St Hunderson Street. I parked up and called Kim, she answered instantly.

“I’m here, where are you?” I shrieked.

                Kim was silent, but I could hear her breathing heavily on the phone.


“I'm getting out of the car now.”

                I too got out of the car, I could see her standing next to her silver bmw. I walked towards her. She looked awful, her eyes bloodshot and puffy, she’d tied her hair back in a mess, something was seriously up, Kim never left the house without her defined her.

“Let’s go, follow me.” Kim sniffled.

“Where are we going, what is going on Kim?”

                She quietly walked along the path. She continued until we reached this enormous house, on a corner. We walked down the narrow pavement steps to reach a glass door, it read “Reamans Private Clinic.” I just followed Kim in.

                She pointed to the waiting room, I took a seat directly in front of the TV, I had this strange habit of directing myself towards the TV. Kim sat next to me.

“I’m having an abortion.” She just blurted out.

“What!” I spat out, compelling everyone to turn their attentions to me.

“Please don’t judge me.”

“But I thought you and Rick wanted children, oh no is there something wrong with the baby?”

“No, Rick doesn’t know.”

“Kim you have to tell him.”

“It’s not Rick’s baby!”

                Just then Kim’s name was called out. She wanted me to go in with her. We both took a seat by the doctor’s desk.

“How are you Mrs Shand?” The Doctor asked in that monotone. You know that monotone all doctors use when they talk to you. It sounded particularly nice coming from this doctor, especially as he was quite easy on the eye. Stop bad thoughts now!

“Doctor can you please tell me my results.” Kim rudely spat out.

“Sure, I’m afraid you’re not pregnant.”

“What!” Kim shrieked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m very sure Mrs Shand. But you can start trying...”

“Oh wow that’s really embarrassing.” Kim whispered to herself.

“What made you think you were pregnant?” I asked.

“I just felt fat!”

                Oh wow that is embarrassing!

We didn’t speak again until we sat in Kim’s car.

“Right Kim, I want to know everything and don’t miss out anything!”

                Kim dawdled a little, but now she had no choice but to tell me.

“Ok! Four months ago my team went out to celebrate this case we’d won. I remember just standing at the bar trying to gain the barmen’s attention, I turn to my left to see this guy. He was just beautiful, the first thing I noticed were his mesmerising green eyes, then his golden brown curly but no so curly hair. My stomach just flipped. I felt nervous and out of control, excited yet sick all at the same time, I’ve never felt like that ever.

                He stared at me and gave me this polite smile followed by gaining the barmen’s attention so he could serve me. Ok this sounds stupid but it made me feel special. There were plenty of other scantily dressed girls standing at the bar, he could have smiled at any one of those, but he chose me! 

                I went back to my seat with my drink but my heart couldn’t stop beating incessantly, I was even shaking. Marcus from accounts had to get me some water because I looked as though I’d been in a train wreck, ok I may be exaggerating there, but I think you understand the point I’m trying to make here.

                I watched him take his drink and walk towards his friends; my eyes were glued to him the whole night. There were so many girls rushing around him but he ignored all of them. As everyone started to make their way home, I begged so hard for them stay, for goodness sake it was 9pm on a Friday! I even insisted on buying everyone the next two rounds that’s how desperate I was. I honestly don’t know why I wanted to stay it wasn’t like it was going to go anywhere, after that initial smile he didn’t even acknowledge me again.

                Finally I decided to leave with the rest of my colleagues, annoyed at how old and boring everyone was being. I got to the station to realise I’d left my Oyster card in my jacket pocket, which I left in the bar. I told everyone to leave without me as I headed back to the bar.

                My jacket was no longer where I had left it, so I asked the barman and surprisingly it was there, someone found it and gave it to a staff member for safe keeping. As I left again, I looked around to see if I could have one last glance of him for safe keeping in my mind but I couldn’t find him.

                As I turned around to exit, BOOM! There he was, right in front of me, flashing that same cute smile.

“Hi, I saw you leave without your jacket so I gave it to the barmen.” He smirked.

“Oh so it was saviour.” I chuckled. (I have to say I’m so glad that music was loud because thinking back to that, that sounds so cringe!)

                He suggested we go for a quiet drink somewhere else. I contemplated on it for a second but the next thing I know I was secretly taking off my wedding band and shoving it in my bag.”

“Wait!” I interrupted, “He doesn’t know you’re married?”

                Kim quietly nodded her head.

“This whole thing is a mess. After that night, I went home feeling like a teenage again. Well like the those teenagers that would talk about having the hots for some cute guy or being in love. I never had that with Rick. We met when we were both fourteen, at some stupid fairground. He asked if I wanted some candyfloss, I said yes, the next thing I know we’re dating. It was just dating, no real emotions, I never even had an argument with him, he agrees with everything I say!”

                Zeb, the guy I met at the bar, he was so passionate, he spoke so well about everything, he’s travelled well, he’s explored things I don’t even read about.”

                On our first date, he took me to watch his friends play down at the Rooster Theatre, it felt so exhilarating, he kept squeezing my thigh and I couldn’t control myself, I was hungry for him.

                We went back to his flat, ok he shares it will three other housemates and the walls are paper thin but I screamed and moaned so loud that night that I’m assuming the neighbours four doors down could hear. The sex was wild, he’d shown me things I never knew existed. And Just like those movies when the couple are all sweaty and wrapped in sheets cuddling one another, we lay on the floor talking about our future.”

“Where does he work?” I asked.

                Kim shied away from the question

“I was addicted to him. I saw him at every opportunity I could. We even went up to Manchester that one time I was supposedly at a conference. I mean I’m a solicitor I don’t have conferences to attend but Rick’s so thick. I could tell him something ridiculous as needing to go to Bora Bora for team building exercises and he’d believe it.”

“Oh my!” I sighed heavily, “You did go to Bora Bora Kim!”

“I know exactly!”

“Are you calling me thick because I thought it was for team building exercises too?” I queried.

“No I’m not calling YOU thick. The point I’m trying to make is Rick lives with me and he doesn’t even notice anything is up. Bora Bora was the best holiday ever.”

“You went there on your honeymoon.”

“Well it was better with Zeb, we made love on the sand, in the sea, the deck, anywhere but our bed because Zeb finds that boring and gross.”

“When you were staying at his flat, where were you guys doing it...actually I don’t want to know. Continue please.”

“He’s amazing, I’m so confused.”

“Confused, what are you confused about Kim? Don’t tell me you’re thinking of leaving Rick?”

“I haven’t even kissed Rick since New Years, three years ago!”

“Zeb what does Zeb do?”

“Urm.” Kim hesitated again.

“Kim tell me, he’s not a striper is he?”

“No!” Kim angrily blurted out.

“Then what!”

“He’s studying for a PHD.”

“Studying? Why’s he decided to leave it so late?”

                Kim glanced down at the legs, I could see her cheeks gradually turning into a bright shade of red followed but a thin veil of steam oozing out.

“He’s twenty two years old.”

“What.” I burst out laughing.

                Kim remained silent, this was no laughing matter to her.

“Oh no Kim, please tell me you’re joking! What on earth has a twenty two year old got to offer you?”

“He’s mature for his age.”

“Who paid for Bora Bora?”

“It’s not like that, he told me he loves me.”

                Unfortunately for Kim she’d never experienced doomed relationships in her past, with Rick being her first and only boyfriend. It was times like this I was slightly grateful for having to face such horrible experiences with men, so when it comes to finally meeting the one, I’d appreciate him for everything.

“Kim, I love you so I’m going to tell you the truth. He’s firstly twenty two...”

“But look at all those celebs who have toyboys, it works for them.”

“That unfortunately isn’t the real world Kim. What would your parents say, your family, Rick. Are you willing to give all that up for some guy you’ve only known for 4 months?”

“He loves me and I love him, Rick and I am longer a couple, in fact I can’t even stand being in the same room as him.”

“Zeb is young, what if he realises in a year’s time that he doesn’t want any of this and leaves you, then what?”

 “You don’t understand.”

“I may not understand what you’re going through but I’m telling to think sensibly. Maybe take yourself away from all this and reflect on it.”


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