Messed Up Truths

Life never really turns out the way you expect it to. But when your 29, dumped, sacked and living with your parents...your just doomed.

Follow my story as I share with you the highs and lows of being a 29yr old girl going crazy...desperate not to reach the big...I can't even say it without shedding a tear (3 0)!!


11. The awkwardness

Days had passed by and I had yet to call Ben, I was dreading it, I didn’t want to call him in case I freaked out on the call. I was nervous, giddy and I simply couldn’t control my voice. When I get nervous I have this bad habit of speaking really fast and jumbling up my words, with the occasional out of tune laughing.

                I called Jana but her phone went straight to voicemail, I tried Moby but he didn’t answer. Next in line was Kim, again no answer either so I tried Kim’s houseline. Someone answered, and that someone happened to be Rick.


“Hi Rick, it’s me...How are you? I asked, praying Kim would be around to intercept this call.

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“Oh good, I was wondering if Kim was around?”

“I’m afraid not, anything I can help you with?”

“Oh no I just wanted to ask for some advice on girly stuff.”

“Girly stuff?” Rick probed.

“Yeah not to worry...”

“Pop over, maybe I can help, I’m free all today and pretty much have nothing to do.”

                I paused for a brief second, desperate to pluck out an excuse to refuse his offer...any excuse!

“I have an doctor’s appointment.” I mumbled.

“Anything I can help you with?” Rick sounded concerned.

                I’m such a dumb ass, HE was a doctor.

“Did I say doctor, I meant dentist...I mean...I’ll see you in ten minutes Rick.”

                I had no choice... I’m such a pathetic liar.


I reached the front door all prepared on what topics to talk about with Rick. Even though I’d known Rick for sixteen years we’d never really hung out on our own. I didn’t know what his favourite colour was, his favourite show or even his favourite food. Kim never really spoke much about him either. It never bothered me before but today, finding myself having to spend time alone with this “stranger” I found it really weird.

                He answered the door in all bizarre seeing him, I almost felt a lump at the back of my throat.

“Come in and tell me what I can help you with?” He smirked.

                I gave him a brief glance, I really wish I hadn’t said yes to this now.

“So when’s Kim back?” I blurted out.

“Hmmm I think tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, where has she gone?”


“Manchester!” I yelled.

                I was suddenly furious at Kim, actually a lot worse I was disgusted at Kim. And annoyed with Rick for being so stupid and allowing this all to happen, was he really that dumb?

“Rick are you ever curious as to what cases Kim works on? Do you not have this urge to know what she’s up to.”

                I could sense my bitchy side suddenly coming out to play. I needed to stop before I gave too much away.

“Not really, she does her work and I do mine.”

“But wouldn’t it be nice to know what her work was. For example, why is she in Manchester today? Is there a need to stay overnight?”

                Stop it, Kim is one of my best friends, I couldn’t do this to her.

“Who works this time of year anyway.” I asked.

“Kim said it was important, so I let her be.”

                Stop! I had to end it there.

“So what are your plans for New Year’s eve?” I asked, forcing myself to be nice.

“Nothing, Kim’s going up to Scotland to spend it with some friends.”

                Oh for the love of God, this man almost deserves to be cheated on! Apart from Kim’s five work colleagues, her and Rick shared the same friends.

“Which friend?” I asked.

“Lucinda I think.”

                Oh wow Kim had gone as far has making up imaginary friends to hide her affair.

                I left shortly after, fuming, with adrenaline pumping through my veins. As I sat in my car, I began dwelling on how stupid Rick was. Or maybe he wasn’t stupid, maybe he knew exactly what was happening and he was allowing it. He was allowing Kim to have an affair maybe to ease his own guilty conscious, maybe he too was having an affair. I concluded Rick was having an affair and now I hate all men because they are liars and fraudsters...I rang Ben!

“Hello?” Ben answered straight away.

                I should have been nervous but I was angry.

“Ok Ben time to sort my car out, if Ben is your real name!”


“Sorry? Sorry! A bit too late for that now, my bumper is still missing and I thought I’d call to sort it out...”


                I hadn’t a clue how to sort this out, wasn’t the insurance supposed to take care of this?

“Well let’s sort it then!” I yelled.

“Are you free right now, meet me at Joal’s Cafe on Pebble Street, thirty minutes.”

                The phone line went dead, he hung up on me. Rude I thought, but now the nerves were kicking in. Why did he want to see me? Why Joal’s Cafe? What was going to happen? These thoughts continuously drummed around in my head, whilst I drove.

                I waited in the car, for ten minutes, till it reached exactly thirty minutes. I didn’t have time to sort my hair our this morning, and after finding a pink lipstick in my purse I smudged it on my cheeks to add colour.

                Thirty minutes on the dot, I walked into Joal’s cafe. I searched the entire room, and there he was sat in the corner, looking as cute as I first recall. This time he was suited up, easing his appeal even more.

                I took in a deep breath and hoist myself towards him. I wish I hadn’t agreed to meet up with him, I should have just let the insurance company sort this out. What would I say to him? What if he starts asking me personal questions? I didn’t want to talk about me.

“Hi, you look good.” He smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

                I didn’t know him well enough for a kiss but...

“Thanks.” I smiled, immediately sensing my cheeks were burning up.

“So your bumper, I’m so sorry about that. My mind was elsewhere, what’s the cost of the damage.”

                Oh shoot I hadn’t even taken the car to the workshop, in fact I’d been driving around with a bumperless car, I know that’s not good.

“I’m still waiting for an estimate.”

“Oh ok, can I get you a tea or coffee.”

“Tea please.”    

                He stood up and walked over to the counter to order some tea. I need to snap out of this little mood I was in. I needed to relax a little, smile maybe, be more receptive.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.” I smiled, suddenly realising that smile was a bit too wide for my liking.

“Can I say something?”

“Sure.” I mumbled.

                Oh god here we go...

“I actually called you over here to talk to you, I had no intention of asking about your bumper. I mean don’t get me wrong I’ll pay for the bumper .”

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Just anything, like where do you work?”

                And there it was, the question I was dreading, I wanted to just get up and walk away. I didn’t have to tell him any of my business, who was he to be so snoopy.

“I’m not working, well not working as such...I’m temping, which is temporary till I find something more important...This tea is hot” I said.

                This point, I was sweating but I could sense another question, so I tried to beat him to it.

“In fact I still live at home with my parents. So I’m jobless, well temping, whilst looking for a job. Living at home with my parents, oh and I’m twenty nine and the only thing I have going for me is my car, which is now not so good. There you happy, please feel free to leave right now!”

                I could see his face reddening,

“Oh so I’m embarrassing you, well you know where the door is, so leave.”

“You’re yelling.”

“What!” I screamed.”

“You’re actually yelling, I think that’s why everyone here is looking at you.”

                I could see a dozen pair of eyes gawking at me.

“That’s ok.” He mumbled. “You looking for a permanent job, it’s tough, I know.”

“It is tough.” I moaned, sensing another pity party coming on.

“It is tough, just be positive and you’ll find something.”

“What do you do.” I questioned, since he asked me.

“Hmmm worse, I work in banking.” He whispered, tilting his forward, close to mine.

“That’s really good.” I said, confused as to why he had to keep it such a secret.

“I don’t think others see it like that. I had to see a client so I thought I’d see if you were around.”

                The conversation was a lot more at ease after we’d initially broken the ice. Apart from his good looks, I felt I was being seduced by his smell. He smelt so good, in fact when I got home I refused to wash my face, where he’d kissed me. I rubbed my cheek against my pillow and smelt him all night long. (I should stop there!) I thought he’d leave it at that, but he insisted on seeing me again and I thought I was the insane one!





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