Three Billy Goats Rough

Another Ghetto retelling of a classic ... the Shame


1. Bridge over troubled water.

In a far away land there lived three Billy Goat brothers.

The youngest was called Bantam.His coat was bright fawn , if it wasn't for his short horns and wavy goatee beard many would of mistaken him for a Deer .

The middle born was called Mezzo he stood stocky and bold. His coat was ebony with splotches of  gray. 

 And the eldest was called Ample. He was a true specimen of a goat. Broad strong shoulders and a muscly neck to support a fabulous set of horns. Ample's coat shined bright red in the morning sun.

The Billy goat brothers loved a bit of Weed, they would chew it all day. Their Mother had a bad back and she ate the Weed for  medicinal purposes. One day the Weed in brother's area run out, and Mother Goat got really sore so she called to Bantam.


"Banban my sweet, would you be so kind to find me some Weed. My back is terribly sore"


" For sure mum." Bantam said with a smile.


Life was a little too serious without a bit of Weed to chew. So with a flick and a toss Bantam went off to find some fresh Weed.  Bantam walked for a while due south, as that was the only place he knew he and his brothers had not been. There was bound to be some juicey Weed just waiting to be chewed.

As Bantam left the arid land behind him.On the horizon he could see a  luxurious green meadow. Bright yellow Buttercups,spring from the ground in clusters. Dandelions danced in the wind. And just off to the right of the meadow was a healthy patch of high grade Weed! Bantam gave out a massive..




And continued to skip merrily  towards the meadow. Unbeknownst to Bantam hungry  greedy eyes were watching him. Bantam  pulled out his Blackberry Curve 9320 and BBM'd Mezzo.


" Hey bro I've just seen the finest bit of green on road. If you leave mums' and walk south for about

20 mins. Boom your eyes are gonna POP! ping me when you reach! 

Ban x"


As soon as Bantam sent the message he noticed a wooden bridge in-front of him. The land had come to a stop and rolled into a strong running river. The river  buffeted and surrounded the meadow.

The wooden bridge swayed left and right. It was constructed entirely out of  old rope and rotting wooden planks. It was something out of an Indiana Jones film. Whoever commissioned this bridge had clearly never been to any health and safety convention.

 Bantam gingerly approached the swaying wooden bridge. The wooden planks creaked with every step. No matter how much the planks moaned they stayed firm. So Bantam started to speed up and clip clop over the bridge and reached the other side!


" Yo Blud !" Thundered a loud voice.


The voice startled Bantam more than it scared him. Both his ear popped up and tried to locate the source of the noise.


" You think you can roll up here without any goodies !? clip clopping making bare noise !? You take mans for a Dickhead ?! "


Bantam's ear flashed left and right . Then both focused at the wooden bridge that was now behind him.The voice was coming from it. Turning around Bantam eyes finally found a figure shape under the bridge. On a rock just out of the river.


" Am down here you Mug, let me hold your BlackBerry init ! " Bellowed the voice.


" Nah cuz, am holding the old Curve 9230 my brother got himself the fresh Curve 3G with that you can go on Twitter and Facebook... this one doesn't even have Wifi .." Bantam said as humble as possible.


" Is it ... that's Peak fam.. Mmmm go on. Jog on, but if I see you again! Man's gonna get jacked .. you heard!?"  Hissed the voice.


Bantam nodded and clip clopped into the Meadow.

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