Without You

This is the story of Jamie, Hana, Ginger, Juliet and John. Their best friend commits suicide.

Jessica. Bullied every day. So tired of it she ended her life, before it even started.

Broken hearts heal over time. Or so they say.

(Formerly entitled 'Never The Answer')


4. Not So Alone

"Well...." we say in unison when the door bursts open. Silhouetted in the door is Johnathan, our best guy friend ever. He's crying. I dash up and hug him. So does Jamie. Soon, we're all trapped in an extremely tight embrace. I feel a tear slip down my cheek. It lands on John.

"Girls, who is this?" Anna asks gently.

"Jo-o-oh-na-atha-han," Ginger chokes out.

"Johnathan," Hana repeats, clearer.

We all sit around again. John's still crying. Jamie and I sit beside him and hold him tight. We tell all of the amazing things about Jess. Everything that made us love her. The things that she didn't even do purposely. How she made us laugh. Everything.


"Wow. Jessica sounds like a truely amazing person," Max says.

I nod, feeling a fresh wave of tears coming. I fight to hold them back. I look away from Juliet, Hana, Ginger, Jamie and the counselors. Strong arms wrap around me. My will-power is fading fast. "You know you're alowed to cry right? She was your sister," Jamie whispers in my ear. I lose it. I melt into her and hug her tight, burying my face in the crook of her neck. The tears just fall. I don't hold back. Sobs rack my body. "Okay, that's it. You're a mess John. Come on, let's go. Ginger, Hana, Juliet? You guys coming? I'm taking John back to the house and staying with him," Jamie says helping me stand. I'm still bawling. I hear muffled responses.

"I'll tell Mr. Dove that we're going home. He'll understand," Hana declares.

With Jamie and Ginger half dragging, half carrying me, we head out. Soon, we're all piled inside, Hana in the very back, Ginger and Juliet in the middle, me riding shotgun and Jamie driving.

"John! Put your seatbelt on! Until you do, we are not moving an inch. I don't want to have to go to another funural just 'cause you weren't wearing a seatbelt. Understand?" I hear Jamie and Hana say. I buckle up unwillingly.

It just hurts so bad. What do they expect me to do? She was my God damned SISTER! My mother fucking TWIN. It's like half of me was ripped away. Like I'm not whole anymore. I don't want to live without Jess.

"John, we're here. Now come on. Let me help," Jamie soothes. The seatbelt slides away and my arm gets pulled over her shoulder, held there, with her other arm around my waist. We walk through the house I've lived in for months. Jamie sets me down on the floor in th bathroom. She fills the tub and puts some weird stuff in it. It smells really funky but I don't argue.

"You're taking a bath okay? Sometimes it helps. I've put some oils in it that have different sents and effects on your brain. I also threw in a couple of those fizz balls of yours. Now, get in. I'm leaving okay? I'll be back later, and don't freak, I'll knock first okay?" she says heading for the door. She's out the door and has it nearly closed when she pops her head in. "I nearly forgot to tell you I love you. You're like my brother. You know that don't you?"

She leaves and I undress. Once I'm in the yub I sink down and inhale the weird smelling oils. I feel a little happier already. I try to figure out what exactly I smell. I'm pretty sure I smell citrus (lemon, lime, orange, grapefruit), peppermint, sage, and I'm pretty sure it's lotus and lilies. Jamie's favorite flowers.

Don't ask how I know that because I'm not exaxctly sure. I lay there and try to compose myself.

Somebody knocks at the door and I jump out. I snatch the towel that's sitting on the sink. I quickly wrap it around myself.

"You decent?" Jamie asks sheilding her eyes. I make a sound that's kinda a 'yes'. I suppose she got it because she took her hand away.

"Go get dressed okay? Lunch is nearly done and I made your favorite cookies too," she says with a small smile. Just as she head towards the door I hug her.


I'm leaving when I feel John's arms wrap around me from behind. I turn and hug him back. As I walk away I think about that surprise hug.

'Maybe, just maybe, I'm not so alone after all...' I let the thought trail off.


(A/N I am so so so so sorry it took so long to update it. I just couldn't think how to word it. I got stuck and now, well, now I'm happy with the outcome. Tell me what you think of this. I want your opinions.)

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