he's gone

Imagine waking up everyday and realising that he was gone or that she isn't here anymore. You miss the one that was always by your side. The one you have lost. Maybe you'll find your missing piece but what will happen if you never see him / her again?

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28. that's kind of your thing, isn't it?

 

 

 

Cassie

 

I just lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My life just seemed to be one big joke. I mean, let's just look at this mess: I met the love of my life, he got famous and moved away for a long time, he acted like I didn't exist and then after a while he came back and tried to apologize and we start to get along again, but that's not enough for me, no I have to fall in love with one of his best mates and band members and yeah, kiss him in the house of my first love, in the living room. But that's not enough. No. His freaking ex-girlfriend is standing right on the other side of the door and I have to find her right there after this curly idiot told me that he was in love with me! I mean seriously, thar just sounds like a bad joke.

 

Ugh.

 

I closed my eyes for a moment and just shook my head. Stupid me, stupid me. 

 

How did I get here? I mean, how was it possible that things have gone so wrong? Everything should be easy. I should be in a happy relationship with Zayn. I should get along with his friends, but only on a friendly base. I shouldn't hurt anyone who's around me. I should be a good person in every way you can think about it, but I'm not. And to be honest that's not what I want. Well, of course I want to be a good person, but I don't want to be in a relationship with Zayn. Not Right now. I wanna let him know that he has hurted me so bad and in some way I want to let him feel the pain I felt but at the same time I don't want to hurt him, because he's still my friend .. And also I don't want Harry and me to be just good friends. That wouldn't work.

 

It felt so incredible good to kiss him. To feel his soft lips against mine. It was like time stopped just for us. It felt like a little forever. I really don't know how to explain it, it just felt so incredibly right.

 

But damn. I know that it was wrong.
I knew that I had to talk to Zayn and tell him what happened. And I also knew that he would be angry and hurt. That he would scream at me and maybe call me names, but it was okay, because it was my fault. I knew it.

 

I sighed and opened my eyes again.

 

It kind of felt stupid that the only thing I could feel at this moment was sadness. I was sad that Harry didn't stop me from leaving and that I opened the door and Taylor was standing on the other side. I was sad that he didn't made a move to explain everything. I was sad that he didn't told her to leave. I kind of felt betrayled because he just told me a few minutes ago that he was madly in love with me and then his ex is standing on the other side of the door? 

 

Did he lie to me? Did he just made everything up? Is he a player?

 

Gosh.

 

Again I shook my head and moved my right hand through my dark hair. Maybe I just should stop thinking about all of this and try to calm down, get a little bit sleep. But it just wasn't that easy. I couldn't just stop thinking. That was impossible.

 

 

 

Harry

 

"I've missed you so much, Haz!"

 

Taylor said and followed me into the living room. But I couldn't look at her and I couldn't lie to her. I just could think about Cassie and what she was thinking at the moment. And I hoped to god that she wouldn't hate me. 

 

"Did you miss me too?"

 

She said now and I turned around, just looking at her for a few seconds and then I just shrugged my shoulders.

 

"I-I don't know. I just .. Taylor. I can't do this and you should leave. That was a mistake. Just one big mistake."

 

I finally said and I knew that this would hurt her but it was the right thing to do.
I always tell Cassie that she should tell the truth and that sometimes people get hurt, that this is life and that she should start to get along with this and now it was time for me to actually do what I was so busy talking about.

 

"What do you mean with 'that was just one big mistake'?", she said and I could hear the confusion in her voice.

 

"I was angry and I didn't think about it before I called you. I don't want to hurt you, Taylor, but you need to leave like right now, okay?"

 

"I'm not going to leave, Harry. You called me, okay? You said that I should come as soon as I can. I came flying from America to England just for you. Don't you think that I have better things to do, huh? I came here for you. Just for you! And now you tell me that I should leave? Like right now after I just walked through that goddamn door? No, I don't think so.", she said and I could hear how she raised her voice a little bit with every word she uttered, what kind of surprised me, because just one minute ago, she seemed so calm.

 

"Taylor, I know that this was stupid. I shouldn't have called you. I was just so confused and-"

 

"And what? You called me for nothing? I have changed over the past months, Harry. When we broke up you called me pathetic and stupid and I tried to act like this didn't effect me. I tried to tell myself that this wasn't true but I kept talking with some friends and they told me that was way to jealous when it came to you and that I treated you like a child because I wanted to keep you save. I felt like I was responsible for you, and in the past months I recognized that I wasn't."

 

"But if you recognized all this, why did you call me that often and why did you came here?" I asked her confused, all this sounded like she wasn't in love with me anymore so why should she come her just for me? That didn't make any sense.

 

"I came here because I really wanted to get a second chance, okay? I wanted to let you know that I have changed and I'm a better person now. That I'm not that pathetic girl anymore. I am able to treat you right and to make you happy and I'm not going to let you call me names again and I'm surely not leaving this goddamn house!"

 

I rolled my eyes a little. She said that she was a better person and all that but through it all she still acted a bit childish, when someone tells you to leave, you do it. You don't ask for reasons you just do it, because you see, that the person isn't doing well and that this is all he or she is asking for. So you leave. 

 

"Please, Taylor. It's good that you changed but I have changed too. I finally know what I really want and it's not including you. I found my happines where I didn't expected it to be. And the only thing that is preventing me from being happy right now is you. Don't get me wrong. You are such a lovely girl, in so many ways but we're not made for each other. I'm not worth being with you, okay? You need to find someone that is able to appreciate every single part of you and not just a few."

 

"But I came here, just-"

 

"Just stop it, Taylor. Deep down in your heart you know that I'm not what you're looking for. You need someone who treats you well. Not someone who calls you and asks if it's okay, if you fly across the globe the be around them. You need someone who just does that for you, okay? I loved you from the very first moment, but it wasn't forever. It lasted for a few months but then it just didn't work anymore and you need to stop doing whatever I want from you. You need to care more about yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world and someone that really deserves you. I found my happiness and I hope you will find yours too."

 

I finished and now I was able to look at her and she just stood there in the door frame. Her mouth was open and she just stared at me. She blinked a few times and finally she closed her mouth again. After she swallowed, she started to nod slowly.

 

"You are right. You have changed and I don't know if I like the new Harry." She frowned a little but continued with a sigh. "Well, flying here doesn't really show that I have changed too, right? But I needed this and to be honest I already knew that you would hurt me again, that's kind of your thing, isn't it?" She laughed slightly, and she sounded so incredible sad.

 

"Taylor, I didn't mean to-"

 

"Yes, you did." she said but her voice was so small and I could see how she blinked back some tears, while she nodded at her own words. "That's what you always do and I should hate you for that but I can't. You broke my heart several times and I always think that it's my fault. You make me feel like I'm not good enough even through when I try so hard. I'll never be what you want and that's so sad, because all that I want is you." She pressed her lips together and shook her head slightly. "I'm just not good enough."

 

"Yes, you are."

 

"No, I'm not. Just look at me. Here I am again, begging for one more chance. I'm so small. So pathetic. Again I let you make me feel small again. I knew how it would be when I come here, because it's always the same. Always. In the end, I'm always the one that gets hurt. It's always me and it's slowly destroying me. But no one cares, because no one is able to truely love me."

 

I shook my head and immediatly reached my hands out for her. I pulled her into a hug. Nobody should feel that small.

 

"Don't say something like that, Taylor! Don't believe all of these things. You are wonderful, okay? I'm just not worth being with you. You need someone that treats you the right way. I'm not what you really want. What your heart is craving for, but you'll find it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you'll find it. I promise." I whispered into her ear and pressed her body against mine.

 

She sobbed into my chest and I slowly stroke her back.

 

"Maybe you're right. I should leave." She said with her weak voice out of nowhere and ended our hug so fast that I didn't have time to pull her back into my arms. "I won't call you anymore. I just .. I will take my time and try to forget about you, what is not that easy because your face is all over the internet." She laughed again and it sounded so sad that she almost made me cry, because I knew that she hadn't changed her mind yet. No one was able to change his or her point of view from one second to another.

 

"Taylor, I-"

 

"No, no. Just shut up. I mean don't say anything. It makes this whole thing only harder." She sighed slowly. "My driver is still outside, so I will just get on that car and try to get a flight back home again."

 

I nodded in agreement, still worried about her and I really wanted to hug her one more time because she seemed so weak and sad, but she just pushed my hands away and tried to make jokes about it. She wanted to act strong. Hide her sadness, but she failed. But I didn't say anything, she had enough to deal with and I knew that I was the source of it, and I couldn't change that. I couldn't act like I was still in love with her and live happily ever after.
I knew that it has been wrong to call her. That I messed up big time, but I tried to make everything good again. I wanted to undo my mistakes and I knew that this wasn't possible, because I was about to hurt another person in the next days, Zayn, but some things just need to be done.

 

I sighed as I walked Taylor to the door. I watched her getting on the car and she didn't look back again and as I said my last goodbye she didn't reply and I understood that I wasn't an part of her life anymore.

 

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ow, this is kinda sad, isn't it?
I hope you like it.
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