he's gone

Imagine waking up everyday and realising that he was gone or that she isn't here anymore. You miss the one that was always by your side. The one you have lost. Maybe you'll find your missing piece but what will happen if you never see him / her again?

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26. "make me."

 

 

Harry

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

I repeated my question and looked at her a little bit shocked. What was she doing here? Zayn wasn't at home and she surely wouldn't come over because she wanted to hang out with me. I could tell that I was the last person she wanted to spend a second of her wonderful life with. I sighed and crossed my arms a little. She till hadn't answered my question, which kind of annoyed me. I raised one eyebrow, still looking at her and finally she shrugged her shoulders.

 

"Zayn told me to have an eye on you. He said that he and the boys are worried and that I should stay here for a while, talk to you and try to find out what's going on."

 

She simply said and made her way past me into the living room. I followed her quickly. My eyes followed every move she made, as she stayed in the middle of the room without sitting down, so I just stayed in the door frame and looked at her.

 

"That's absolutely stupid." I said and shook my head. "We both know the reason why I'm hurt." I sighed. "But I don't want to be rude or fight. Maybe it isn't that bad that you're here. We need to talk about what happened and sort things out, Cassie."

 

She nodded slowly and looked at me for a while. "Yes, I guess you're right. The last week was kind of strange and difficult. I don't know how to act when you're around because I don't want to hurt you. Yes, I'm also still worried about Zayn, but you weren't right when I you said that I only care about him and that I just want himto be save. I do care about you, Harry, just not as much as you care about me, I guess. But I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry for that."

 

That kind of shocked me a little. I didn't expect her to apologize for what happened. I thought she would tell me to take my words back and just act like nothing ever happened. Or that she would act like nothing happened and she didn't knew what I was talking about. In the last days I only thought about her being a stupid bitch, to be honest, it helped me to continue. But now I felt bad. I mean .. I called Taylor and she would arrive today. I called her to hurt Cassie and now she was all that beautiful to me. I sighed. I was so stupid.

 

"Don't apologize, Cassie. In some ways it's all my fault. I shouldn't have told you all that. I put so much pressure on you, because you already have enough to do with this whole Zayn-Thing. And I .." I stopped for a moment, even through I pictured her as this evil wich the whole week, I still knew what I wanted to tell her, I wanted to put her away from all that pressure. "I thought about you and me and everything that could or couldn't be between us and I came to the conclusion that I may not be in love with you." I already knew that this was bullshit, but it was the best thing I could say.

 

She looked confused at me. Her brown eyes a little worried about what I could say next. "What do you mean, Harry?"

 

"Maybe Zayn told you that Taylor and I broke up a few months ago. I mean, I broke up with her. She was jealous all the time and acted so childish and pathetic. I couldn't take it anymore, but at the beginning I was so in love with her. I only knew her from the media and when we finally met she was even better than I expected her to be. She seemed to be everything I ever wanted." I stopped for a moment and thought about my next words. "We started dating and yeah, started our relationship and I was so happy at least for a month or something like that. Then she started to read all messages on my smartphone, she called me like thirty times everyday. She always wanted to know where I was and who was around. That was so annoying."

 

She nodded and said, "I really don't want to sound rude, but what has that to do with me?"

 

"Oh, you're not rude." Never could be. "The thing is I really loved Tay, even when things got complicated I still was in love with her, I just couldn't take it anymore and our tour ended we made our way back to the UK and the thought of her calling me every second was kind of freaking me out so I decided to break up with her. Since that she calls me every month two times and asks for a second chance, but I wanted to move on." And I don't love her anymore, I'm not even able to like her a bit. "But feelings never changed, you know?" Liar.

 

"Still don't get what all this has to do with me, but I know what you mean. She will always own a part of your heart, because once she owned it all." She nodded. 

 

"And I kind of think that when I saw you all these feelings grew even stronger, I forced myself to fall for you, because I'm just in love with the idea of being in love with you. I wanted to get butterflies again, but it wasn't real. I just wanted you to take Tays place, but I just realised in the last week, that you're not Taylor." Lies. "You're not the one I really love. Taylor is the one for me." Oh, Harry.

 

She swallowed and bit her lower lip. "So, you're not in love with me?

 

I looked at her and tried to hide my real feelings. Blinking away the sadness and concentrate on what really counted. "No, never was. I just love Tay."

 

Here eyes were a little glassy and she kind of looked like she was about to cry, but I pushed the feeling of hugging her away. 

 

"But you said that she's annoying and pathetic. How can you say that and still love her?"

 

"Sometimes you just have to forget about someones flaws, Cassie. She has also so many beautiful sides and I want to try it again. You should do the same with Zayn, forget about his flaws." I said and I felt nothing but pain, I hoped that she wouldn't take me for granted and start things with him again. I couldn't take watching them being so in love.

 

She shook her head slowly. "I can't and I don't want to. And you told me that Zayn changed and that I shouldn't be with him anymore. He's no good for me."

 

She said and nearly made me smile.

 

"Okay, that's your decision."

 

"Please don't be with Taylor again, Harry." She said out of nowhere. "I don't think that she has changed. Please, I mean. I don't believe you when you said that you wanted me to be Taylor. You're not someone who fakes emotions. You wouldn't tell me that you love me and then just say that you didn't really mean it. Please, don't hang out with her, Harry. You'll only get hurt in the end."

 

"Cassie, this isn't you decision." I said but I was so happy. She cared about me. More than she thought. "This is just between me and Taylor."

 

"But you can't just come and tell me that you love me and than say, oops, I didn't really mean it. That really hurts." She said and I could see how a single tear left the corner of her beautiful eyes

 

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Cassie."

 

"Yes, you did. What did you thought how I would react? You're such an idiot." I took a deep breath and I could see the change in her face. How she turned from sad to angry. "This really hurts, Harry. I don't know why, but it hurts and I don't believe you. You're a liar! You don't love her."

 

"I do, Cassie. I do." I said and tried to stay calm. I really didn't expected her to start raising her voice. I thought she would be nodding and then leaving. I really didn't thought this through. I didn't want her to be hurt. I thought I would do her a favour.

 

"No you don't! You said that she's pathetic, Harry! That you couldn't take being with her and now you just want to see her again? That seems pretty stupid to me. You don't love her. You can't!"

 

"Why can't you just acept it and leave?" I asked a little helpless, I really didn't want to fight with her, but I could already feel how I wanted to protect myself and how a little bit anger grew up in me. I just wanted her to be fine and now she was yelling at me. Perfect.

 

"Because you don't love her. Open your eyes, Harry! She's not what you want. Why would you want to see her again? And don't tell me that you love her, cause you don't!" She yelled at me and I didn't expected that her voice could be that loud.

 

“Stop yelling at me!” I said, also raising my voice now. “Oh god, I just wanted to get things started again, okay? Finding out if we could make it this time.”, I said and added “And I really don’t need to explain it to you, Cassie! This is none of your business! And I already told you the whole story, so just stop it and leave!” I sighed. I hated fighting, but she kind of started to annoy me.

 

She lifted one eyebrow and asked sarcastically “So, this is none of my business?” I nodded. “Weren’t you the one who told me he was in love with me only a few days ago?” I asked him in a loud voice. “And just told me a few minutes ago that you didn't really are, because you just wanted me to be someone else. Someone who's pathetic and childish, to say it in your words.” She yelled at me and I could see how the anger grew in me.

 

“Oh, wow.”, I said or better yelled back. “Don’t blame me, Cassie, because you were the one who didn’t say it back. So you don’t have any right to criticize me, when I’m dating another girl, because I made a mistake and I try to get my old life back!”

 

"So you literally just admitted that you have feelings for me because it bothers you that I didn't say it back. This is not about you and Taylor. This is about you and me. I just don't understand why you would lie to me. That makes absolutely no sense!" She said in a loud voice.

 

I shook my head no and took a step in her direction. "I didn't lie to you and it doesn't bother me."

 

"Yes, it does and you know it. Stop lying, Harry! Just stop it!" She yelled back and crossed her arms right before her body.

 

"I'm not-ugh!" I yelled in frustration. "Maybe I am, but I'm not the only one who's lying. I try to protect you, keep you save, because I put a lo of pressure on you and everything could be fine again, but you have to scream at me and tell me to not start dating Taylor. You're so stubborn, damn!" I shook my head in anger. "Just leave me! Go away. Leave me alone!"

 

“I’m not going to leave you alone. Never ever.” She yelled back, while pushing her pointer finger against my chest, but I just pushed it away and took a step back.

 

“But why, Cassie?” I asked yelling. “Is it because you do are in love with me? Because for me it seems like that!” She shook my head no. “The way you look at me, with all this love in your eyes! And now you're freaking out, because I want to start dating my old girlfriend again. You're so jealous! I mean, look at you!” I yelled while pointing in her direction, but again she shook my head no.

 

“Oh, shut up!” She yelled back, but I took a step forward.

 

“Look at you, Cassie! You’re not even able to say no! You’re so damn in love with me! I can see it in your eyes, your movements. How you act when I’m around. I can tell from just looking at you. I mean, damn it, Cassie! II though you wanted to start dating Zayn again, but you just told me a few minutes ago that you really don't want to do that. You said, that you’re done with him. That you can’t forget how much he has hurted you. And that was the moment I recognized, that you really weren’t in love with him anymore, but with me. You love me, Cassie. Just admit it!”

 

“Shut up!” She said and tried to yell at me, but her voice was so small and again I said “Admit it!”

 

And again and again she shook my head “SHUT UP!” she yelled, but I just took a step in her direction, so that there were only a few centimeters left between us.

 

And I slowly leaned down to her and whispered right into her ear: “Make me.

 

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haha, always wanted to end a chapter like that. ow, can you feel the tension? (:

this time i'm serious. I need to know if you care about my story or I will stop writing it. comment and like. i love you all! 

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