he's gone

Imagine waking up everyday and realising that he was gone or that she isn't here anymore. You miss the one that was always by your side. The one you have lost. Maybe you'll find your missing piece but what will happen if you never see him / her again?

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18. he's the enemy.

He started taking some steps closer to me, but I didn't made a move or said a word. There was a difference between imagining to see him again, and really seeing him again. I felt insecure and didn't know what to do. 

 

"Cas, I missed you."

 

He said, still walking towards me. His eyes were full of sadness and it seemed like he was the one who got hurt. And that wasn't true. He's no the victim. He's the enemy, I told myself while crossing my arms in front of me. He's the one that ripped my heart out. He's the one who made me feel so damn insecure. I'm the fucking victim, but again he made it seem like I was the bad person.

 

I took a breath and shook my head no. "You didn't miss me." I said and now he was standing right in front of me.

 

"Yes I did."

 

He said, sounding a little helpless. He shrugged his shoulders and reached out to touch my arm, but I took a step back and again I shook my head no. "Don't dare touching me!" I said rising my voice and making him jump a little.

 

He put his hand back, but he still was staring at me. Still helpess and sad. And I couldn't take it. I mean .. he shouldn't look like this. He has all he ever wanted. He was famous and everybody loved him. And he was able to date every freaking girl in the whole wide world, not me, but this doesn't seemed to bother him.

 

"Cas, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." He said but I shook my head no.

 

"Stop lying!" I cried but he just stood there and I had to take another step back. My thoughts were running and I couldn't focus on anything. It was like I was even more confused like I was in the last months. And that made me angy. He shouldn't have the power to make me question everything anymore. He shouldn't mean that much to me, after he made a wreck out of me.

 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Cas." Now he was also screaming and I could hear the disbelief in his voice. "I love you. Oh god, I love you so much and I'm so sorry for what I did to you. It wasn't my fault, It was.."

 

I raised my hand and interrupted him. "It wasn't your fault? Are you serious? Do you think that now that you're famous you can't make any mistakes? Do you need someone to stand up for you? To bear the consequences? Is this the new you?" My voice was so loud that it even scared me.

 

He rolled his eyes a little and shook his head no. "No, that's not what I wanted to say." He took a breath and continued. "I just wanted to eyplain it to you, Cas." He waited for me to say anything, but I really wasn't in the mood of saying something so I just shut up and waited for him to continue.

 

"Okay, the management told me to say that I was single. It seems like I'm the fans in the US and in the UK love me pretty much, so the guys from our management decided that it's better for me to stay single, you know?" He shrugged, still not done talking. "I didn't want to do it. They needed two damn days to convince me of this stupid idea."

 

I snorted and laughed sarcastically. "Oh two whole days? I'm-I'm so sorry, Zayn, that it took you two fucking days to be convinced about betraying me. I'm so sorry for you, poor little Zayn." Again I laughed. "Oh god! You're such an ass. I mean do you even hear the words that come out of your mouth?" I cried but now I could feel the tears in my eyes. I felt so small and insecure, that wasn't what I wanted to be like.

 

"C'mon, Cas. Don't be like that. I want to apologize and I want you to know that I love you. You're always going to be my number one. I will never put something above you. You're the only one that really counts. I love you so much and after we didn't talk anymore I was like .. I couldn't stop thinking about you, you know? I'm not able to do anything without being distracted by the thought of you. I love you, Cassie. I love you with all my heart."

 

He bite his lower lip and looked at me. His hair was all messy and he looked so helpless, but I told myself to not concentrate on his last words.

 

"I'm not your number one. Your fame is the number one. What your management says is all that counts for you." My voice was so small and quiet, but I could see in his eyes that he heard every single word I said. It hit him and he shook his head, but I just shrugged my shoulders and could feel how the tears started to escape my eyes.

 

"Cassie, I..." He started but again I interrupted him. "Please don't." I said quietly, while turning around heading towards the door.

 

"Cassie, what happened?" That was Harry, but I didn't turned around to face him. I didn't say anything. I just walked through the door, leaving everything behind me. I was so done and felt like the whole world was against me.

______________________

so, here we go again. (:
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thank you so much for reading, i love u! ;*

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