he's gone

Imagine waking up everyday and realising that he was gone or that she isn't here anymore. You miss the one that was always by your side. The one you have lost. Maybe you'll find your missing piece but what will happen if you never see him / her again?

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20. Confused.

After a few minutes we arrived at Zayns house and just like yesterday Liam opened the door with a big smile on his face. He seemed to be really kind and I hoped that I could get the chance to really get to know him and talk a little to him.

 

"Great, that you decided to come over." he said and asked Harry and me in. He closed the door behind us and led us to the other boys, wich where sitting in the living room.

 

Harry cleared his throat and waited until everybody was lookig at us. For one moment I caught Zayn starring at me, but I didn't care about it, but looked at Harry, who slightly smiled at me, before he looked at the boys again and said: "Guys, this is Cassie." He pointed at me and the boys smiled at me, while standing up.

 

Of course I already knew their names, since you couldn't go anywhere, without seeing all of them on giant screens, but still they introduced themselves. "Hey, Cassie. I'm Niall." Said the one of them with an irish accent, which made ​​me smile somehow. I really liked irish people. "And I'm Louis." Said the other one, grinning broadly. We shook hands and then they sat back down on the sofa.

 

"Uhm, we have incidentally ordered something to eat because we did not want to drive down to the city." Liam said and then looked at me. "Zayn told us what your favorite food is." He smiled slightly and I forced myself not to look in Zayn's direction, instead I just nodded and was about to say something else, but in that moment it rang on the door, which meant that the food arrived.

 

Together we lay the table and then sat down and started eating. During the meal we talked all the time and it was really funny and seemed as if everyone had fun. Well, except Zayn. He kept quiet the whole time and stared at his plate, which was lying right in front of him. He didn't even eat something what kind of really worried me. Sure, I was still mad at him, but I still didn't want him to feel bad because of me, because through it all, I still loved him with all my heart and that was a fact I couldn't deny.

 

When we finished eating, I went along with Niall in the kitchen to do the dishes.

 

He handed me the dishes and I put them into the hot foamy water and I began to rinse slowly.

 

"You're just like Zayn described you." Niall said suddenly, and I glanced at him. "Oh really?", I asked him blankly. Honestly I didn't know what to think about the fact, that Zayn had told the boys apparently so much about me. That just didn't fit in the picture I had from him at the momentI and it did not help in the process of 'not-liking-him'.

 

Niall nodded and I asked him, "What did he say?"

Now he smiled slightly and I handed him one of the plates, so he could dry it. "So, at first he said that you look incredibly good and he was absolutely right. I mean look at you. You're beautiful." I gave a short laugh, but felt my cheeks turning slightly pink.

 

"And what else?", I asked.

"Well, he said that you're the nicest person he knows, but that sometimes you're quite stubborn. You don't let yourself be intimidated by new situations and you really care about other people, but sometimes you're also totally swept into yourself and it is difficult to get into your mind." He finished drying the plate in his hand and I handed him the next one. "He has also said that everbody has to like you right away. And I think that's what's most true." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smiled back.

 

"Did he really said that?", I asked, handing him a new plate.

"Yes, he did." Niall said, still smiling at me. And even through I wished the whole time that all this had no effect on me, I felt all this butterflies and warmth in my stomach.

 

When we were done, we walked over to the living room to the other boys, who had now turned on the TV. My eyes wandered through the room, searching for Zayn, but I couldn't find him and sighed a little bit in relief.

 

"Cassie, we have considered whether if you might like to stay here tonight? We could watch some movies together, or do something else." Louis asked and smiled at me. And I did not even need to really think about it and simply nodded.

 

"Gladly, I just need to go home first and get my sleeping stuff."

So I went home, got all the stuff I needed and hurried back over to join the boys again. I put my stuff in the hallway and wanted to go to the kitchen to fetch me a glass of water, but to get into the kitchen I needed to cross the dining room.

 

When I walked into the dining room, I winced slightly. Zayn was still sitting on a chair at the table and stared in front of him, as I entered the room, he looked up for a moment and sighed softly. I didn't really know what I should do, so I just stood there and waited for something to happen, but we just kept quiet.

 

The minutes passed by and nothing happend, but as I wanted to leave the room and get into the kitchen, Zayn asked, "Cassie?"

 

„Yeah?“

 

He sighed briefly and then went on. "Can you sit down for a moment and I just listen to me?" He asked, his voice sounding so sad and lonely that I couldn't even waste a thought of saying no, I just walked around the table and sat down on the opposite side of him and put my hands on the table, right infront of me.

 

He took one of my two hands and I didn't flinch. He did not squeeze, or something like that. He just lay his fingers on mine and slightly stroke them with his thumb.

 

"I talked to Harry yesterday ... and he really seems to care about you, a lot." He sighed briefly and shook his head. "He told me that I can't just blame it on the management and that it's entirely and solely my fault, because I've really screwed up. He persuade on me the whole time and we had a little fight, but when I woke up this morning I knew that he was right. It is my fault. And only my fault." Now he looked up from our hands and directly into my eyes. "I'm so incredibly sorry and I understand that you cannot just forget so quickly what has been, but I hope you can forgive me. Not only because I love you so damn much that it hurts, but also because I miss you. I miss our friendship, even more than our love."

He paused for a moment and took my hand in his, this time squeezing it a little. "Can you forgive me, Cas?" He asked, his voice trembling slightly.

 

I could feel my body tense slightly and thought for a moment about everything he just said. He was right. I would never forget what happened, but forgive ... that was certainly possible. I bit lightly on my lower lip and looked at him. "I love you, Zayn. I really do.", I said. "But you're right, I cannot forget and no matter how much I love you, that doesn't change the fact that you have hurted me so incredibly much." He nodded and tried to move his hand away, but I held on tight. "But I will try to forgive you, because I do love you."

 

Again he nodded and this time I was the one who pulled away my hand, then I slightly got up and he did the same. As we walked together to the living room, he murmured, "Thank you." And I tried to ignore the stares of the others, when we entered the living room together.

 

_____________

 

The hours passed by and we watched a few movies, but I wasn't able to concentrate on any of them. After a while they boys decided to turn off the TV and go upstiars to get some sleep, so I was left alone in the living room and lay on the sofa, trying to get some sleep but I didn't really work. My thoughts were filled with every little thing Zayn said to me. I really tried to mash it all down and don't think about it, but it didn't worked.

 

So after 3 hours passed by I decided to go out and sit on the porch swing in the garden. I sat there for a few minutes, as I heard how somebody opened the back door and joined me on the swing. I looked up and caught Harry starring at me and I smiled. He smiled back.

 

"Shouldn't you be on the sofa, trying to get some sleep?" He asked me and smirked.

"Uhm, what about you?" I asked him and he just nodded, still smiling at me.

"Good point." He said after a while and looked away from me, staring in the back of the garden.

 

For a moment we just sat there without saying anything, but then I decided to tell him about the things Zayn said to me, because I felt like I could trust him. Sure, I only kne him since yesterday, but for me it felt like we were really close and I don't know. I just kinda liked him.

 

"Zayn talked to me. He apologized." I said quietly, while putting my legs on the swing and hugging myself. "He told me about your fight and that he woke up the next morning and knew that you were right." I added, still looking at him and waiting for him to turn his head in my direction again and facing me. And finally he did it.

 

His eyes met mine and I could feel the warmth in my stomach. He nodded slightly but he wasn't smiling at me, which confused me a little. Shouldn't he be happy?

 

"And now?" He asked. "Is everything fine between you and him?" He looked a little nervouse and even through it was pretty dark, I could see how he bit his lower lip, while waiting for me to answer his question.

 

I sighed and put my head on my knees. "uhm, I guess, everything's okay. I told him, that I forgive him, because of our friendship and all that, but I also told him, that I will never forget how much he's hurted me." Now he nodded, but kept quiet.

 

And for a moment we just stared at each other without saying a thing and it felt really good, because it's one thing when you can talk to somebody the whole time and it gives you a good feeling and another thing if you can just sit beneath them and don't say a thing at all and feeling great. I mean, there are a lot people I can talk to, but not that much I just can stay silent with.

 

But after a while he started talking again. 

 

"Are you freezing?" he asked concerned and in that moment I realized that I was shaking a lot, so I just nodded and he reached out his hand for me and said, "Come here." He pulled me into a hug and hold me pretty close and I could feel his body heat. I sighed satisfied and then lifted my head a little, to face him again.

 

He looked at me and asked, "What?"

And I just shrugged my shoulders, while saying, "Nothing. I just remembered that Zayn said, that It seems like you really care about me. And that he added: A lot."

 

He froze for a moment, without looking away and again we were just staring at each other, but this time I could feel how he got closer and before our lips were able to meet, I pulled away and quickly stood up.

 

"Uhm, maybe I .. uhm .. should get back in ...  and ... sleep." I nodded, trying to convince myself that this was the only with thing to do. He stood up and nodded. "Yes, that's a good idea." He said but I could here the disappointment in his voice.

 

Together we got back in and he went upstairs and I sat down on the sofa, putting my head in my hands. Oh, god. What was I about to do? I asked myself. I can't kiss him, I mean, damn. I'm in Zayns house! I sighed and shook my head.

 

But even through I was thinking, that this was absolutely wrong, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Harry was the one who got closer. He was the one who tried to kiss me. And while I was thinking about this, everything started to make sense in my head.

 

He cared about me.
Everytime I turned around, he was there.
When I talk about Zayn, he tenses or freezes.

Could it be? Was it possible that Harry Styles was in love with me..?

 

 

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A/N:

such a long chapter with so many mistakes, haha.
just tried to write a bit more but it's a little idk .. boring?
do you like it?
please comment and I will update the movella in the next days,
love ya
. ;*

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