Lost In the Sea Of Darkness

This is the diary of a bullied girl. Her name is Ivy Danger Devious.She has no one to talk to but she writes everything down in her diary. Everything they say to her, do to her and how she feels. Will things brighten up or will they get worse?

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10. 27/2/2011

Dear Diary,

I am tired of this. Teachers see everything happen everyday and they do nothing. Nothing what so ever. The names are getting worse. They are changing to things I cant even repeat. I have noticed a lot of kids smoke too. We are only in year 7. Its really unhealthy. Chase makes me smile every now and again but hes too busy with his friend and his friends are the bullies. Iris has been a bit distant lately. Shes been with a guy that gets picked on a lot but they get in loads of trouble so I would prefer not to get involved.

I just want to give up. They are calling be stuff and it hurts. Not only that they hurt me physically too. I have a massive bruise on my check from PE. There was a girl and she was batting. She takes PE a bit too seriously. They to bowl. I chucked it at her getting ready for it to go flying afterwards. It did go flying but it went flying straight towards my face. They all laughed at me then she started running so she could win point for her team. She chucked the bat. When I was walking away to get a ice pack. I stood on the bat and fell. That made everyone laugh more.

I am sick and tired. I am tired of putting on act. I act like this all doesn't hurt when it does. People say if you act strong then they will leave you alone. The stronger I get I get it worse. If I be weak I still get picked on. The support mangers don't help. They tell me to be strong that is it. Teachers just stand and watch. Sometimes I even catch my friends laughing a bit. When they see me looking at them they stop. 

Every night I lock my self in my room and cry. I cry until every tear has landed on my pillow. A guy who I thought was ok is now a total jerk. His name Adrian. He got really close to me we was so close. He hugged me when Chase wasn't there. Until one day. Until that one awful day. After that day everything got worse. There is more tears falling every day now my pillow is drenched every night. 

It started when I invited Adrian to come over for the day. He showed up at 10:00 with a sweet smile on his face. I told him to come in. We spent that day messing about watching movies, throwing popcorn at each other, tickling one another and other cute things. Every now and again I thought maybe Adrian's the one for me. Then I convinced my self I had a crush on Chase and I was working on getting Chase I couldn't let Adrian get in the way of the most important person to me. I heard Adrian shout my name. I turned around and looked him in his grey eyes. He then slowly leaned in I could feel his hot breath blowing in my face. He then closed the gap up and kissed me. I remember thinking no he took my first kiss when it should have been Chase. I didn't pull away I was too shocked but I didn't kiss back. He pulled away and muttered "great I kissed a freak.". That hurt I thought he was my friend.

After that he told people I kissed him and pinned him down. He told people that my plan was to use him kiss him for popularity then do the same with chase and a list of other boys. He got other boys to lie saying I'd used them like this before. I still don't get how this works but now people are calling me stuff like slut. I haven't had a boyfriend and I have only had one kiss in my life. Chase is keeping his space but he tries to talk to me. I really love him and no one else but I am never going to get him now. 

I get called bad things every day. Life is awful. Life is cruel. Why can't I just have the life of a normal teenage girl?

I have to go cry my self to sleep now. Bye Diary 

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