What cost does love come at? Martina has to choose wether to follow her head or her heart but one will lead to disaster... Which will she choose?


1. 1.

I and my husband James moved further down south to Southampton so we could be closer to my parents. We live in a quiet area called Chapel, where we bought a lovely 3 bedroom cottage at the end of a cul-de-sac. It took us about 2 months in total to fully move all our belongings in and set everything up, I did most of the unpacking since James worked away most of the time. His job was very consuming; he was main manager of an international banking company, which meen’s that he had to travel between countries in order to do business. I really did hate James's job but I put up with it because I was with the man I thought I loved. His working away always left me to my own devices because it was so demanding, sometimes he would be away for up to a month. Recently I managed to get myself a job at the local news paper company as assistant editor, part time but I wished I had something a bit more entertaining. Even though James was away most of the time I enjoyed the time I had alone. Deep down in my heart I knew I and James were not ment to be but I accepted his marriage proposal because my father wanted me to settle down and start a family before he got to old to be entertaining grandparent. I really did hate the fact that my father, even though I love him to bits was always grilling me about children. He always said over and over 'Martina your getting older now and since your mother has be gone so long, I feel my time is running out and I really want to be a grandpa' but I did not have the heart to tell him that James had an accident when he was younger and is now infertile. This would destroy him and could not bare to see him hurt again especially after mum passed away. If I had told him this he would have made me break up with James and find someone with good swimmers, also I probably would not be in this situation right now. My father arranged the wedding and everything happened so quickly I did not have the chance to back out. Within two weeks of accepting to marry James my dad had set everything up and we got married. I never really had a part in arranging the wedding but if I had I would not be talking to you today.

I had been on my own because James had been away for around a week and a half, so I had been spending my nights talking to my best friend Lizzy over the internet to kill the boredom and also figure out how I was going to get out if this marriage. I often say to her that if I and Dean never split up, I would be happily married with 3 kids in a nice village but the cheating bastard left me for a hooker and now I’m miserable constantly. Early this morning I received a call from James saying that he had to stop over in brazil a week longer because of a business deal going wrong, I hit the roof when I found out, in total he would be there 6 week and I just wanted to tell him I was leaving. There was no way I was doing it over the phone, that’s just cruel. Angry and frustrated I logged onto the internet in hopes to vent to Lizzy about her James's very demanding job and the whole situation but instead a box pop up in the right hand corner of my computer screen saying that I had a new friends request. Under the accept button was a message 'Please don’t say no to my request Martina, I really need to speak to you, it’s important.' The name on the friends request said Dean Thawley, my ex fiancé. After around ten minutes of debating with myself, I finally clicked the accept button on the screen. I was happy and nervous that Dean had sent the request. A box popped up from Dean saying:

10:33pm Dean: Hi Martina, thank you for accepting my request, how are you? X
As I sat there staring at the message, I thought to myself 'I really should not talk to him after what he did' but my heart yearned for him so I replied and this is how the whole ordeal started.

10:38pm Martina: Hiya Dean, I’m fine thank you, how are you? By the way what was with the message with your request? What do you need to speak to me about?

Ten minutes had past and I was getting irritated that Dean had not replied straight away but then to my surprise a popping sound rang through the speakers on my laptop. My heart skipped a beat. The message said:

10:48pm Dean: I’m really good cheers, calm yourself down, I have just landed myself a new job but it is at the company you work for in Southampton, I wanted to tell you personally but when I spoke to your friend Lizzy, she told me you had moved down here so I told her about the job and she gave me your email address so I could tell you virtually.

I gasped in shock at what I had just read on the screen, alarm bells sounded in my head. Working together would be a recipe for disaster because I still love Dean so much that if I saw him again I did not know whether I would be able to control myself. After all I cared for James but I did not really love him, I guess I was just with him to try and make my father happy although I knew that would backfire. When I was with James I tried hard every day not to think about Dean because I felt like I was being ripped apart inside and that a piece of me had died when he left me all those years ago. My love for him was so strong that I manipulated it and used it towards James even though I knew this was such a cruel thing to do. My heart was broken because I didn’t have Dean but James was a loyal and decent man, he would provide for me and tries to make me happy everyday even if he was away. Dean had screwed me over I could not change the way I felt about him. So when I got the friends request I thought I might be able to give his a second chance once I and James was over but then another pop rang through the speakers.

10:59pm Dean: Martina?? Are you still there?? Did you get my message??
I replied to Dean's message because I hated to keep him waiting.

11:00pm Martina: yeah I got your message Dean, which department will you be working in? When are you starting the job?

11:02pm Dean: I’m going to be working in the editorial department as a senior editor and I start in 3 days time!

I could not believe what I was seeing, Dean was going to be my boss in a way because senior editor is the highest in my department and I knew there was a vacancy, I decided to reply even though I was numb with shock and my heart was skipping beats at the fantasies playing over and over in my head.

11:04pm Martina: Erm wow, congratulations, I guess we will be working together then seeing as that is my department. You will have to come to dinner sometime and have a catch up outside work.

I realized what I had said in the message but it was too late to change it because I had already sent it. Then I panicked because I knew that if she had dinner with him while James was away, I would end up telling him how I truly felt, then anything could happen. 'He won’t say yes to dinner, I’m panicking for no reason' I told herself. Popping rang through the speakers again.

11:06pm Dean : Oh cool, I did not realize that was your department, at least I’ll already know someone there then LOL, Yeah I’d love to come to dinner, we can have a good catch up, I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time but I had no way to contact you. I've miss you x

I just sat and stared at the screen, all sorts of fantasies whirling around my head. I replied.

11:09pm Martina: That’s great, I have to go, and I’ll see you at work.

I signed out and shut my laptop down, 'YOU FOOL! Why the hell did you invite him to dinner, You silly cow' I mumbled to myself as I stormed up the stairs and into the master bedroom, I was angry at myself because this could make splitting up with James twice as hard but I was also happy as a kid at Christmas because I had gotten to speak to Dean again. I chucked my laptop on my dresser still arguing with myself as I got ready for bed. Once in bed I had lay there not been able to sleep, I was too excited at the fantasies whirling around my head. So I got up and dug an old picture of me and Dean together on a holiday from years ago. As I sat on the bed staring at it I ran through all our memories together and how he made me so happy and looking at myself now thinking what a mess I was in. The next few days flew by but Sunday night my phone rang.

'Hello Lizzy' I answered.

'Hello M, I need to tell you something' Lizzy replied.

'Let me guess you’re going to say you gave Dean my email address! am I right?' I said. 'Yeah... sorry if I have pissed you off M... but I thought you may need a reason to finally end things between you and James' She replied panic in her voice

'You have a point and I’m not pissed off Liz... I am glad I have you as a friend but is that why Dean's said he’s got something he needs to tell me?' I replied.

'Yeah and you really need to hear it but I cannot tell you... it has to come from Dean but I have to go now... I'll drop you a text sometime... Bye' She replied.

'Bye Liz... take care' I said then hung up the phone.

I got more and more anxious as well as excited as the days hours passed. I was on an emotional roller coaster. Monday morning arrived and I vomited twice with the fear and excitement of seeing Dean again as I got myself ready for work. I really wanted to know what he had to say but I had no idea how long I would be waiting, Dean may not talk to me straight away but on the other hand we might hit it off from saying hello. I nearly crashed twice on the drive to work, all I could think about was seeing Dean again and how I was going to say hello to him for the first time in nearly 8 years face to face. When I stepped into the office and everything seemed the same as usual, then I heard that husky, sexy voice that had seduced me all those years ago. 'Good morning Martina' Dean practically shouted it from across the office. My heart started to pound as I heard his footsteps coming up from behind me, I had the same feeling that I had the first time I met him. As I turned to say hello I dropped my papers on the floor, I dived to the floor to pick them up thinking 'you silly cow, you want to impress him... not make him think you’re a clumsy cow' and my eyes met his, he still looked as handsome as he did all them years ago, his chiseled jaw still as defined as it used to be and those big blue eyes that I dreamed of so many nights, had me locked in his gaze.
My heart was skipping beats, my breath short and rapid as he took my hand and helped me to my feet, the firm grip I had missed so much made my legs tremble slightly like jelly. 'Martina, you ok? You seem distracted' he said, his voice echoed through my ears, so husky but ohh so sexy, it sent shivers down my spine. I was excited in every way possible. 'Yeah I’m fine cheers' I then mumbled while being mesmerized by his presence. 'WOW you look... WOW' he stuttered as he looked me up and down. My heart was beating even quicker now he was looking at me, checking me out like the first time we met. I felt like my heart was going to explode from my chest as I muttered 'Cheers... you look good too... I have to get to my desk... see you at lunch'. I practically ran to my desk and buried myself in my work although I could not concentrate, the thought of the guy I was helplessly in love with, being in the same office as me was mind blowing. I felt sick again, too many emotions I guess. After 3 trips to the toilet I decided I really need to get some work done before lunch. 'Ping' an email popped up on my computer screen. 'ALL EDITORIAL PERSONELL TO THE MEETING ROOM IMMEDIATLY'. My heart leapt into my mouth, I dreaded sitting in there amongst all my colleagues while someone announced the man of my dreams is the new senior editor.

'Please everyone be seated' Maria the second in command shouted over the noise of the staff chattering away. 'Ok, people shut it for a moment, I have an announcement to make... well 3 actually' she screamed over everyone’s voices. The room went silent. 'OK... right... The first of the 3 is we have a new senior editor Mr. Dean Thawley'. All the women in the room were deafly silent when he entered the room, all practically drooling at this handsome thirty something year old dominating the room with his presence. 'Hello everyone, I look forward to getting to know you all and working with you' his voiced echoed around the room as he aimed slight wink at me. Maria chimed up again ' The second announcement is I’m leaving next Monday so I have already picked a person to take my place'. Everyone in the room gasped in shock and demanded to know why. They were all very fond of Maria but she ignored the chattered and continued ' and the last announcement is Martina Gallagher will be taking over my role' It was if someone had just slapped me around the face, Maria had not even spoke to me about this and she wanted to me to take over her role, I have only been working here a few months. As I stood a saw Dean smiling and looking at me, my legs were like jelly, ' erm... thank you Maria... I wish you had given me some notice on the subject'. Everyone in the room was glaring at me as I stood there in the middle of the room, embarrassed and shocked.

After the meeting had ended I ran back to her desk, grabbed my bag and ran for the door. Dean was stood there when got to it, my heart started to pound again. 'well then Tini' he said using the old nickname he called me when we were together, 'Are you going to come to lunch with me so we can speak more about that third announcement.' 'Erm... ok... I need the ladies room before we go' I lied; this was not the time for a panic attack so I marched to the door. 'Ok I’ll wait here for you Tini' His husky voice stated as he lent against the wall in such a cool manor. I quickly checked over me hair and makeup as I tried to calm myself down, I could not go out there looking all flustered, I need to make a good impression for if I’m ever going to get him back. I hesitated as I grabbed the door handle 'now or never' I thought as I opened it. 'That was quick Tini, you going to show me where we have lunch or do you want to go out and grab a coffee with me? Also don’t worry about doing much work today we need to go over our new working arrangements.' he said sarcastically and with a wink. ' I don’t eat here Dean, there’s a little coffee shop just down the road, I always go there'.'Ok then Tini, you lead the way' He stated as he suggested I should go first. 'Damn, she still got a fine ass' he thought to his self as he watched Martina's behind while she marched down the corridor.

I felt as if I was on cloud nine when walking down to the coffee shop, the wind was blowing Dean's aftershave and the smell was driving my sense’s wild. If I was not married to James I would jump on Dean and make passionate love to him not caring who was watching. As the sun shined on his flawless skin I noticed that every woman in the street stopped what they were doing and stared at this stunning bloke walking down the street. I felt so lucky just to be walking next to him but that one thought was constantly in the back of my mind 'He can have any girl he wants so why would he ever pick me'. This made me think twice about ever letting him know how I truly feel; I would only tell him if he told me he wanted me. As I leant forward to push the coffee door open, I felt something on my waist and it slid down and pinched my bum. I glanced behind me and saw a smile appear on Dean's face, I ignored the fact he had grabbed my ass and carried on into the shop. We ordered our food and drinks and took a seat in the far right corner, out of the way of any unwanted business. While engaged in mindless chit chat I wondered when Dean was going to tell me whatever it was Lizzy had been on about, I sat in a trance staring at the man I love wondering whether he knew how I felt. As I leaned across the table to pick up the salt for my Jacket potato, Dean did the same and our hands touched. I pulled away red faced and embarrassed hoping and praying he could not see how obviously in love with him I was. 'You ok Tini?' he asked gently. 'Yeah, yeah... I’m fine... just a bit warm that's all' I lied. As I watched his face while he carried on his conversation, our eyes met a few times and each time he had that loved up look in his eyes that we used to share. Occasionally nodding and agreeing with his conversation, I watched his body language although when he’s talking about a subject he’s found of it’s hard to see anything, he gets so into what he's talking about that everything else goes out of the window, 'If I keep looking for any sign's I’m going to have to do it when he’s not talking about his hobbies' I told myself as I took a bite of my dinner and listened to his conversation.

Back at the office, I tried to keep my distance from Martina for the rest of the afternoon, I just wanted to grab her and kiss her all over. I’ve got to keep my feeling to myself for now, as Lizzy told me, jumping straight into everything might make everything got wrong. I need the perfect timing to tell her I love her. Then if she tells me what she’s told Lizzy, we will be together again, like we used to be. I really do hate myself for leaving her the first time for that stupid hooker, what the fuck was I thinking! I had the girl of my dreams and I blew it and now she’s married but I will get her back, I need to get her back, I cannot live without her. I did not get this engagement ring for no reason; I know she will say yes, I cannot just rush into it. As I glanced through the window I saw her sitting there engrossed in her work, everything about her was sexy, the way her hair flowed in the breeze from the fan, the way she bit the end of the pencil as she was drafting papers and the way she slipped her foot out of her heals and slid it up the back of her other calf. She was mind blowing. Jesse walked in the room with a coffee she had brought to me, I did not realize she was even there at first; I was in a trance looking at Tini. 'Mr. Thawley...here’s your coffee... Mr. Thawley is you ok?' Jesse said hesitantly as I continued to stare out the window. I nearly had a heart attacked when I jumped, I scared Jesse half to death and all she did was grab my arm to see if I was ok, poor girl she looked terrified. I have to make it up to her. 'Cheers for the coffee Jesse and sorry about scaring you... I just have a lot of things on my mind' I said sympathetically to her. 'No problem Mr. Thawley... if there’s anything I can do for you... just let me know' she chirped. 'I will do Jesse... why don’t you go home early today... with full pay of course... my treat to you for scaring you half to death' I replied. 'That would be great Mr. Thawley... Thank you for scaring me, then giving me the afternoon off' She chirped as she skipped out of my office. I spent the next two hours until home time staring out of the window at Tini, a couple of times she had looked over and I quickly looked away so she would not notice me staring at her.

The clock struck 3pm; I gathered my stuff into my handbag and shut down the computer, while thinking to myself 'I need to get out of here and large glass of wine'. As I stepped out of the building and headed to my car I spotted Dean leaning against the side of my Honda Civic. 'Shit, What’s he doing next to my car, Shit' I mumbled to myself as I plucked up the courage to head in the direction of the car. 'Ahh I’m glad I caught you Tini, we still need to plan when were having dinner' His cool smooth voice echoed as I approached him, It was like sweet music to my ears. 'Erm... it’s up to you... whenever your free' I lied to him, secretly not wanting him to know that I just wanted to get home and forget the day I has had. 'Umm... I’m free tonight Tini, are you?' he said with a cheeky smile. I could not believe he was suggesting dinner tonight, considering the day we had both had and the fact that we had lunch together as well. 'Yeah that’s ok' I mumbled. 'Ok then, I’ll follow you to yours' he said with a smile on his face. 'You’re coming now? I haven’t even had chance to plan what I can cook for Dinner' I barked at him. 'No worries Tini... I'll order Chinese that way you don’t have to cook... even though I like your cooking... you can put your feet up and we can talk' He replied. 'Fine' I barked as I pushed him off my door and got into my car. As I pulled into my driveway I saw him arrive behind me, my heart started to pound again at the thought that he would be in my house and we would be alone. We walked up the path and I unlocked the door, as we walked in Dean said 'Nice place you got here Tini’, 'Cheers, James is especially fond of the place' I muttered as I kicked off my shoes and put my bag down, 'James your husband then Tini?’, 'yeah Dean, he is' I said with a really unsure look on my face. 'Shame that I blew my chances with you Tini, you’ve turned into a mighty fine woman', 'I’ll take that as a compliment shall I' I sarcastically chirped as He sat himself down at the table. 'so you said you had been wanting to speak to me about something Dean’, ‘That can wait until after dinner and a few more of these' He smirked as he pointed to the glass of wine.

Dinner went pretty well, not too many sarcastic comments were thrown at each other but as the wine took affect we both become more relaxed in each other presence. After Dean had helped cleared away the Chinese food packaging we both moved to the front room engaged in mindless chit chat. 'So are you ever going to tell me what you have been wanting to speak to me about, after all I've waited most of the night' I said tipsily while realizing I was drinking my wine so fast I should be in a competition for it 'The night is still young Tini' Dean smirked. 'Oh come on don’t leave a tipsy lady waiting' I said while chuckling hoping he would realize I have drunk quite a bit, 'your going to need a lot more wine to here this Tini',He said with a serious look on his face. 'I think I’m drunk enough to not get mad if it’s bad Dean, you know I don’t have much of a temper’. I said in a cheeky tone, trying to encourage him to talk. He paused for a moment and then said. 'Ok Tini, I’ll tell you. The job was not a coincidence, I heard you had moved here and got a job at the news company. I know someone in recruitment and they got me the job in your department' I sat there shocked just staring at him as he went on, 'I wanted to make it look like it was just one of those things but it’s all out in the open now' he said then took a big gulp of wine. 'Why?' I asked still staring at him, wanting him to open up to me. 'Because I needed to see you again, I need to tell you. That I made a mistake letting you go and I can’t stop thinking about you. You having a husband makes this a little bit worse because I love you and I want you back. Tini I need to know if you feel the same.' He confessed to me, my heart stopped for a moment, he actually loved me and wanted me back, I felt so happy and relieved to here that so I could be honest myself.

'Well I was not expecting that' I chirped. He looked at me as if to say come on woman give me something, anything, please. 'Seeing as your being honest, I may as well be too.' I could not hide my feeling for him, I was always like putty in his hands, I just wanted to scream it from the roof tops. 'I've never stopped loving you, I can’t stop thinking about you Dean, I've missed you every day we have been apart, I love James but not like I love you... I...' Before I could finish Dean had moved up and started to kiss me, the passion between us was electric as we entwined our selves around each other locked in an embrace. 'Lock the door and meet me upstairs, bring the wine' I ordered as I ran up the stairs. Before Dean had even made it upstairs, I had undressed myself and laid on the bed waiting for him in my birthday suit. As Dean came through the door, ripping off his shirt, I gasped at his handsomeness. 'WOW your quick aren’t you sweet cheeks' he chirped as he moved to the bed. 'What can I say Deany bear, I've been waiting for this for such a long time' I said with a cheeky grin plastered across my face. The wine was left untouched as we spent most of the night in each other’s arms showing our love for each other.

Copyright © 2012 L.L.CAULTON - Lou2212 All Rights Reserved

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