Ha Ha You're Dead

A spooky story about a kid who go's to the circus. Nothing special. Except for the creepy clown who looks like he's been there for years. Then the worst happens..


1. Ha Ha You're Dead

Ha Ha You’re Dead

The face. The grinning deathly white face. Mouth covered in a blood red lining, leering at me. He leaned in for the kill and....

...gave me a balloon for moving on to the next poor sod in the queue. God I hate clowns.

I’d asked my parents,  no,  begged, pleaded  and threatened to get out of it, yet, here I am, at the circus. Ha Ha Ha Ha Halp me please. For the most part it was fun. Acrobats, animals and audience participation. Then they came in. Five of them. Grinning, laughing and whipping the morons watching into a pie-fuelled frenzy.

While we were forced to sing by ‘The Village Idiots People’, I looked around the big ring. I saw something that caught my eye. There was a clown, if you could call it that. He was dressed in normal clown costume (e.g. Ridiculous nose, large shoes) but there was something...odd about him. His costume was faded as though it was years old. And he definitely wasn’t smiling. He was gazing at something, as though it was causing him unbearable pain. He glanced in my direction, as though he’d felt my eyes intruding on his torture. I turned to show my sister but when I looked back he was gone. Puzzled, I carried on watching as the Mexican Wave came round for the fifth time. I felt something behind me and I turned and saw him standing there.  I wondered how he’d got here so quickly. He stared at me, thinking. He looked just above me and that’s when the screaming started. I looked around and saw that the main support had started to crack. I ran. Everyone did. Unfortunately, not everyone made it. In all, four people were killed, among them a clown. RIP KoKo, I guess.

Over the following months there were a few more circus accidents. The police had started an investigation but had found no clear links between any of them. They were all different. Fires, animals escaping, ropes snapping. Thank god we haven’t been to one.  And then my sister decided as a birthday treat we’d all go to the circus. Great. Whoop-dee-doo.  Hurrah.

Her birthday rolled up and posters for ‘Meaney and Miney’s Extravaganza’ rolled up. There were a couple of clowns on the front, presumably Meaney and Miney. One of them reminded me of someone but I couldn’t remember who...

Jeez. My parents had to buy VIP tickets, didn’t they? Free food, free drink and backstage access; costumes, animals and make up. Please god, no clowns! NO CLOWNS!

There were clowns. Miney met us and introduced us to all his ‘chuckle buddies’. Spanky, Sparky, Quigley, Oddball, Waldo, Wally, Biffo, Jimbo and Chubby, to name a few. Everyone was there except Meaney who demanded his own space, apparently. What a Meaney.

The show started off as expected – boring. Then the acrobats came on and jumped over their deaths. Then lions. And then clowns. We were forced to half an hour of unfunnyness until Meaney arrived. When I say arrived, I mean appeared. One moment there was an empty platform, the next there was a clown stood there. It was as if he were a ghost.

To be honest, Meaney bloody terrified me. He was kinda scruffy looking, with runny paint around his mouth, red paint dripping to the floor. He acted “funny” for a bit and walked off. After the show, we were meant to go backstage to discuss the show with them. Going over to the rest tent, I saw a little tent off to the right. It looked old and I wondered why they’d bothered setting it up.. I told my mum that I needed the toilet and I’d meet her in there. I waited until they had gone in before heading over to investigate. I opened the flap a bit and called out ‘Anyone home?’ no one answered so I stepped in. I felt around and found a switch. I flicked it and on came a little light, dangling above me. I looked around. There were clippings of newspapers stick on a corkboard. They all seemed to be on the accidents in the circus. In all the photo’s, there was a small red circle. I could just make out a figure. And in another. In fact, the same guy was standing in all the photos in the background. And then I saw another news paper clipping. It was older – much older – and showed a report about a clown that had died one show when another clown had performed a knife throwing act. It said that his stage name had been....

‘Meaney. And who might you be?’.

I turned around quickly and saw Meaney standing behind me. ‘I said, boy, what is your name?’


‘I asked your name. Not the meaning of life.’

‘Tom, Mr Meaney, sir’

 ‘Well, Thomas, would you kindly tell me why you’re in my tent?’

‘Well, the thing is...urr...’

 ‘It doesn’t matter Thomas. The thing is now you know my secret, I can’t let you go.’

‘Secret..? What sec- Oh...’. All of a sudden it clicked. ‘You mean you’re de...a gho...’

‘Yes. I am proud to call myself an undead, yes’

‘But why are you doing this? Killing all these people?’

‘Well, as you know, I was killed. By a clown called KoKo.’

‘Like the clown at the circus all those months ago!’

‘Exactly. The thing is, in the circus. You never know anys true identity, only ever the stage name. So...-‘

‘So you’re getting revenge on all clowns called KoKo?!’

‘Exactly. And now, dear Thomas,  its time for you to go.’

‘Go where?’

‘You’ll see...’

I woke up. Black. Cold. Alone. I looked around but could see nothing. My chest tightened. I couldn’t breathe. But, then again, I don’t need to. I look around. Footsteps. Millions of them. Marching into nothing, from nothing. Forever. Blindness. Hands. Cold and grey, gripping, squeezing. 5. Just 5. Marching from nothing. My direction. Chanting. Yelling. Screaming. Roaring. And thats it. The last stage between life and death, crossed in an instant. In my last living moment I could hear the words. The cruel, cruel words.

Ha Ha You’re Dead. And nothing, but chanting, marching and black. Forever black.

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