Burning Sun ( twilight)

Burning sun is a story based off the twilight saga. Burning sun has several mini chapters following closely to the story line's however adding more detail than beloved stephenie mayers wrote, just enough to keep you hooked. There are new scenerio's added but in such a way you'd truly thought it was written into the actual book. Burning sun has some of Bella's point of view but mostly edward's. Like midnight sun ( steph's partial release of edward's point of view). Help satisfy your craving to get inside the handsome vampires mind and hear of the constant struggles with himself and the decisions he's made along with his deep feelings for human Bella.

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25. It's not what you said, it's what you didn't ( Edwards p.o.v)

  “ Bella, … I’m afraid that what I’m about to say does not weigh lightly on my mind and in fact., Truly is one of the hardest decision’s I’ve ever been faced with in all of my existence!” I said holding her frail and cold hand in mine, as she lay looking at me bewildered.

“ W-what, what exactly are- are you saying Edward?” She asked flustered, stumbling over her word’s just as she did when she’d gotten upset.

“ Please, shhh, Bella, please, you really shouldn’t get all worked up like this” I said shaking my head “ Your body can’t handle it in it’s weakened state, I should hate for it to shut down from shock! “ I said trying to calm her as I smoothed her flowing strawberry chocolate hair back. My thoughts had been smothering me deep inside and the conclusion I had reached had been all but an easy one to make. Love is full of many sacrifices, some in which we aren’t so anxious to make, but the true revelation of whether or not in fact you do love that person is revealed when the time has come and the decision you make reflects that you truly are willing to give up anything at your own cost for their safety or happiness. My worst fear being that my one true love may never feel the same for me ever again, but instead only despise me.

“Ed-Edward, please, you… your scaring me, what’s this about Edward? “? She asked, her eyelids fluttering with confusion. I felt a twinge of pain putting her through the suspense, only, the words were all too hard to escape my lips because deep down I didn’t mean them, I was only doing what I felt I needed to be done.

“ Bella, …..it is with only my deepest regrets” I insisted, wanting so badly to stop at that and leave it be, but of course I must be strong, I pressed myself to continue on as she looked at me, her eyes pleading “ I’m afraid, … you and I…. , we can no longer,…. We just can’t be together anymore Bella!” I told her, the words scolding my tongue , my heart feeling as though it were being ripped apart. I could tell that those words had been her worst fear, and I had only made that fear come true , how much I loathed myself for doing so.

She nervously laughed “ What are you talking about Edward?… that’s- that’s just crazy… we-we’re having a baby Edward!” She went on pleading with me.

“ No Bella…., listen, you misunderstand. We are not having this child. I forbid you, I will not be a father to this… this loathsome creäture that is tearing you apart from the inside out, destroying you!” I said, my face disgusted.

“What?” She spat out disgusted, her face confused. “Edward, it’s our child Edward, how can you just say that? It’s helpless Edward, It doesn’t know any better. You can’t honestly tell me you feel nothing for it ?” She questioned looking at me intently waiting for my answer.

“ No….. Bella, I feel nothing for it!” I insisted trying hard to sound as convincing as possible. The hurt in her eyes ate away at me and had been excruciatingly hard to endure. It’s for the best I told myself.

“ You do… it’s fine, I know that it’s just different with father’s, they just..they don’t bond as quickly as us mother’s, I mean.. it.. It makes perfect sense Edward, the baby isn’t in your stomach… so you’ve got no attachment, but… I promise, when the baby is born… you will love it… I just.. I know it Edward, I can feel it.. You will love it just as I do!” She insisted, her eyes glossy as she rubbed her belly looking down at it.

I quickly shook my head, forcibly trying to make my face look as disgusted as possible “ No… Bella… I will NEVER bond with this …THING. It will never exist to me, it can never exist. Bella… you and I…. we cannot be together any longer, and Jacob, being the fine man that he is” I paused, nearly choking on the words, hardly believing I had said them myself, but continued, knowing that it had been the only way “ is willing to have you Bella, if… if you will just let him, and I know he wouldn‘t want you with child with another man‘s baby!” I said my voice broke, the pain almost giving away my façade. That child was mine, me and Bella had been so close to the future she and I had only dreamt about, figuratively speaking of course.

She scoffed. “ Jake? You’ve got to be kidding me Edward… you don’t mean that.. What’s gotten into you? Have I really been such a burden that your all ready, ready to hand me off so that I’m just somebody else’s problem?” She asked seeming visibly hurt.

“ Burden?” I snapped.

“Bella, is that… is that what you think I think of you as?” I asked insulted that she would think I thought of her anything less than perfect. If only she had known how much I wanted her, how much I had sincerely hoped from the bottom of my heart there had been any other way then this I thought it could work out. Only, I’d sorted through them all in my mind, and unfortunately, nothing ended well, the results had always been grim. Ultimately it ends at this.

“ Well then why else Edward? Why else would you say this? You-you hate Jake , remember?” She argued almost as if trying to convince me again to hate him, I’d almost re-considered, but of course thought better of it.

“ I did” I agreed “ But things are different now Bella,… you must understand… time goes on… and sometimes it just… goes on with or without you whether or not your aboard.. And I was left behind as your’s and my relationship continued forward… I became lost… a prisoner within myself, I continued living… but none of it had really registered in my mind. You see…. I loved you Bella, and I’ve always loved you more than you could possibly ever imagine… but the timing… it had not been right, I just… I’ve got so much left to do, so much life unlived, and sometimes with time, our hearts change and you will find it changes whether or not you want it to…and for that Bella… I’m certain… I truly do not deserve you… and I realize… “ I trailed off, my eyes burning “ …I do not deserve you!” I said, the words soft and lingering, almost as if a whisper.

“ Edward, you don’t mean that, I-I-I know you don’t mean that!” She insisted shaking her head, tears streaking down her ashen cheeks. I could only look down, my head fallen with defeat as I stared down at her hand. In mine, clinging so weakly, yet as tightly as she knew how, to mine. Afraid of letting go. I couldn’t speak as I was only afraid my cover would be blown, afraid I’d quickly be talked out of going through with the plan I’d worked so hard on in my mind. How easily it would have been to just turn back, to admit it was a mistake and that I had just said the words because I was scared, scared of losing her. She would understand. Only, I must continue on.

“Edward?” She asked again, her voice full of anguish, her nose red as she wept endlessly. I could see that my silence had been just as good as killing her deep inside, the twinkle in her eyes that I’d loved so deeply had dimmed as a looming darkness overshadowed her heart. My silence had undoubtedly been louder than words. Speaking volumes. It had been obvious...it was not always about what we said, but instead, sometimes it was more about what we don't say.
If only she knew how wrong her assumption had been, I had to let her go on believing otherwise though.

I cringed. It tore me up deep inside to torture her tremendously after all she had endured. To be okay with her being mislead to believe any differently than the plain and simple truth that I loved her endlessly and simply that nobody would quite possibly love her as much as I have. Reality had been all too cruel to us. It had been plain obvious that the fate’s had been against us from the very beginning, only I had it in my mind that somehow I could fool it, maybe trick it into enlivening otherwise, that it was wrong and we were meant to be together. Somewhere along the way.. I had only failed, I lost my faith and became a coward, I was bullied into believing in statistics.

“ No… I… I won’t be with Jake, Edward… I-I’m not going to be with him!” She insisted stubbornly trying to sit up.

“ PLEASE” I growled angrily. Quickly toning my voice down I asked now desperate, knowing what I was to ask next she would undoubtedly not be able to deny “ Please….Bella if not for you… then for me?” I asked…. My eyes pleading, as I had now been a desperate man, knowing that she barely clung to life and there had not been much longer for her. She searched my eyes carefully, making certain I’d meant my plea, within moments sinking down into the couch slowly as her eyes looked horrified and almost to be in shock, she covered her mouth crying. It would seem I’d been successfully convincing, she had not seen through my painful front. And although just a half hour ago, I thought this had been what I had wanted, and the conclusion I had thought to be best, I was now second guessing myself more than I had ever. This plan had to be the worst one I could have ever gone through with. But here it was… so close to being wrapped up… her letting go and carrying on with life. I’d never be the same again, I knew that much. She bit her lip and looked up and me, the look in her eyes as if she had lost it all but understood, as if to say she agreed, but only for my sake. I nodded as if to say, I understand, then pressed my forehead to hers tucking her hair behind her ears, searching her eyes one last time, taking in her sweat breath, my lips pressed to hers eagerly, full of a lingering passion I’d hoped to leave behind in her last memory of me so that she never doubt that I loved her endlessly long after I’d been gone, I kissed her goodbye. Her eyes stayed squeezed shut tightly, as I drew back, my lips but an inch from hers, taking in her sweet honey scent one last time, her breath warm on my lips speaking as if to be a siren’s haunting song, her face cupped in my hand, hearing her heart beats coming down, the sound intensified as my adrenaline surged through my body and I became lost in this moment, wrapped up in it, her heart beat serving as mine as well, it was the sound of goodbye, when I would no longer hear it was when I would know I was far enough away and that was it… there was no longer an “us” and I had truly died. A single tear streamed down her face, I wiped it away with my thumb, her face still cupped in my hand, in its place, now kissing her cheek where the tear had last existed.

“ goodbye Bella!” I whispered in her ear giving her one last kiss on the cheek, tasting the salt of a tear that had stray from her eye.

I then swallowed every once of pride I’d ever had, feeling the earth shatter beneath my feet, I turned and walked away, whispering “ always and forever!” .. uncertain if she had heard those words or not. My legs grew heavier and heavier as I continued walking away further and further from the love of my life, my heart deadening, my very existence no more, until finally, the thumping of her heart was no more… she was gone, we were gone. There was no turning back, she would hate me, and he was there, consoling her, his arms around her, those arms that were suppose to be mine.

 

 

 

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