Burning Sun ( twilight)

Burning sun is a story based off the twilight saga. Burning sun has several mini chapters following closely to the story line's however adding more detail than beloved stephenie mayers wrote, just enough to keep you hooked. There are new scenerio's added but in such a way you'd truly thought it was written into the actual book. Burning sun has some of Bella's point of view but mostly edward's. Like midnight sun ( steph's partial release of edward's point of view). Help satisfy your craving to get inside the handsome vampires mind and hear of the constant struggles with himself and the decisions he's made along with his deep feelings for human Bella.

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32. Faith by default ( Bellas p.o.v)

I had just lost my son. And yet it had felt like all of time had come to a sudden stop, the world hardly had a reason to keep spinning. How dare it continue to go on as if I hadn’t just suffered a great loss. I lost a child. No mother should ever know what it is like to out live their child, no mother should have to struggle to find a casket big enough for her newborn infant, no mother should ever have to try to perfect just the right words to say at their son’s burial, I had no memory’s at all to share amongst everyone. How could I keep my son’s memory alive in everyone’s mind and heart, if I hardly had any memories of my own with him? It was no matter, because I could not let my little A down, I couldn’t allow everyone to think he was just another small loss to this world that could easily be replaced, something I’d just as easily forget about if Edward were to buy me something new, I wouldn’t allow them to think so shallowly of Anthony, this wouldn’t just pass like a phase in my life, a small wrinkle in time, a wound that would eventually close. Because even if my wound closed, he would be the scar that I carried with me the rest of my life, when people looked at me, they would see him, a reminder of the pain I endured, one of life’s cruelest battles I fought and lost. We couldn’t have another child in his place, even if it were possible, in which it wasn’t… he was a medical miracle, a break through amongst vampires, a very rare case that had never been seen before. I would never be satisfied anyhow because they wouldn’t BE him, they were not that precious boy so vibrant and full of life, so giddy and happy, who’d already existed in my mind, whom I’d already loved, he visited me every night in my dreams, to rescue me from my nightmares. He was my guardian angel, my savior just like his father. I was resentful, I was wallowing in my own self pity, It had been but mere moment’s since his passing away. And all these thoughts were crashing down in my mind like falling meteors, slowly breaking me down and havocking chaos throughout my mind. I was becoming extinct within my own body, slowly shutting down.

“ Bella… Bella?”. I heard Edward calling my name, his voice muffled as I slowly sifted through the daze I was in, snapped back to brutal reality. I looked up at him, tears swiftly gliding down my cheek. He slowly slid his arms under mine to take the baby from me. In my mind I was struggling, I had put up a fierce fight, I did not want to let my little baby boy go. But my mind seemed disconnected from my body at the time, my body had already been in shut down mode. The baby was in his arms, he looked down at our son and then to me, his eyes pleading with mine. The sorrow was immensely overwhelming, he was struggling to come to terms with this himself, I could see it, despite his efforts to hide his feelings from me. I loved him, he was my soul mate, I knew these things and I didn’t have to read his mind to know, I felt it, first hand. My arms were cold and empty, my heart was black the void was deep. My baby? Where was Anthony Masen? Why was he no longer in my arms? I was protecting him, he counted on me to protect him. Finally, my mind made sense of the encoding in my brain. Edward had my baby, our baby, he was giving him to Carlisle, but why? How could he? I launched up from the rocking chair as he handed Anthony to Carlisle.

“MY BABY, EDWARD…NO…, NO… YOU CAN’T TAKE MY BABY. EDWARD HE CAN’T HAVE HIM! I WAN’T MY BABY! HE NEED’S ME, HE NEED’S HIS MOTHER, HE IS JUST AN INFANT, HE CAN’T BE AWAY FROM ME. I WON’T LEAVE HIM!” I whaled as I beat on Edward’s stern chest frantically. As Carlisle disappeared out of my sight. His face was grim.

“I’m sorry love… I’m so sorry!” He spoke softly, his voice full of empathy.

I collapsed into his arms, hardly able to see through my clouded eyes. As a downpour of tears flee from them. He guided me to the floor where I sat, with my legs curled behind me. He wrapped his stern arms tightly around me and held me closer then he’d ever held me before,.

“ my baby boy, my precious baby boy!” I mindlessly repeated.

“ He’s gone Bella. You must let him go!” He whispered as he held my head to his chest, his cheek pressed to the top of my head as my body shook erratically while I cried hysterically. My son was gone, I was never going to see him again. My heart was empty, I was nothing but a dead carcass. I’d failed him, I was supposed to protect him. My body failed him, my body failed me. I’d nearly lost Renesmee and now I did lose my son. Why hadn’t I gotten him out sooner when I’d felt something had been wrong? Perhaps Carlisle would have been able to save him then. I was so stupid to think I’d be able to carry him with no complications, to think he would survive. I had murdered my own son, I’d failed my duty’s as a mother. Why had he entrusted so much faith into me? I was incapable, shoot, I couldn’t even protect myself. Edward never trusted me to protect myself and he was right to do so. I’ve always had a vulnerability to me, it had been my weakness.

“ You mustn’t do this to yourself Bella. You’ll make yourself sick!” I heard him say, his voice loud as it vibrated underneath my face on his chest.

“ Isn’t that what I deserve Edward?” I snapped, unable to gather myself.

“ Absolutely NOT! “ he growled, his voice serious and full of discipline as if he was speaking to Renesmee for a moment. “ You did everything that you could Bella. You loved him unconditionally up until his very final moments, he loved you, he loved you so damn much!” He said whispering with his lips against my forehead as he closed his eyes tightly and kissed it. I shook my head still sobbing as my head hung in defeat.

He slowly lifted my chin with his finger so that my eyes were level with his, so that we had been equal and he was not looking down at me. I did not want to look at him, I couldn’t bare to look into his grief stricken eyes, someone who had an unwavering amount of belief in me, and yet I couldn’t even carry his child safely to term, neither of them, being forced to give birth prematurely.

“Please” he whispered “ please don’t you do that, be fair!” He said pleadingly. When I opened my eyes, he was gazing lovingly into mine, somehow he had loved me no less, he had viewed me no differently. In fact, it seemed almost as if he had loved me all the more.

“ I do!” He answered, his beautiful lips pulling into a small smile. It seemed as if he had been answering my thoughts.

“ I am!” He whispered again, still carefully examining my expression.

“What? But how? How are you.. How are you hearing what I’m thinking?” I asked confused.

“ I’m not really sure” he said “perhaps your shield is weakened by your state of mind?” He suggested.

It actually didn’t seem to be too wild of a theory. I just couldn’t concentrate on my thoughts being private, I could hardly keep myself together.

“ He loved you Bella, when you love someone, you will find your way back to them, in any sense. He came to you, in your dreams. He was just as curious of you as you were of him. In a sense Bella, it was his own way of giving you that closure, that small sense of fulfillment!” He said still smiling bleakly. “ I haven’t a doubt in my mind he had already thought the world of you, you’re the most amazing woman ever! “ He said seemingly certain. Looking into his eyes, was like looking into Anthony’s, for a small moment, I became lost in them. It had been too hard, I struggled deep within myself, I couldn’t no longer look into the love of my life’s beautiful topaz eyes simply because I couldn’t face the ghost of reality.

 

 

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