Reflection in the Mirror

What do you see when you gaze into the mirror? What do you want to see? What about a year from now. In this short moment of realism, one certain girl, explains, who she is, and realizes, maybe what she wants to be; it's all just an illusion.

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1. The Pressure To Be Perfect

I wake up every morning to a new reflection. I am never the same exact person I was yesterday, or will be tomorrow. I am smarter, wiser, and older. As I look in the mirror, I look behind everything. I dig deep behind my tan skin, my dark eyeliner, my head scarf, and I see someone. I know this ‘someone’ very well. I see, a girl who only wants to please others, that is all. She wants to make her parents proud of her, even if it is a difficult task, she wants to make her teachers look at her and think, “I remember her…” she wants her friends to be happy, she wants her family to be proud of the fact that they are related her. She wants to be intelligent; she wants to be… perfect; even if the sight of the word taunts her. This girl, she wants to be able to not only pass, but to excel in everything she does. She looks into the mirror past everything materialistic, and she sees a heart, and a brain, linked together. She feels so pressured by the outside world. The world that’s not hers, where she’s fighting to please everyone, and to be perfect in their eyes, but this task is so complex, will she ever truly succeed? Or, will she fall into a dark endlessness, where all she can remember, was that “they” were never pleased.                                                      

When I gaze into the mirror, I don’t want to see the pressure to be perfect. I want to see that the burden has been lifted up off of my shoulders. I want to see that the task has been completed, that it’s all better now. I want to perceive the ability to stand up for myself, it’s easy to do it for others, but when it comes to me, I become mute. I shutdown, and am unable to respond, I want to be able to tell “them” I have a voice, and that it’s aching to come out. Sure it may be hidden behind dark shadows, but it’s there, and maybe one day, I’ll show them all. I want to see self confidence, and perhaps a happy ending. I know it’s unrealistic, but one can always hope. Not every story can end like a Disney fairy tale; world peace, no hate, equality, it’s all an illusion. Sure I desire to see it, I want to see a lot of things in that one reflection in the mirror, but sadly, not even pixie dust can do the trick.                       

A year seems so far away, but it’s there. It’s going to be here, real soon, because the clock is ticking away, it’s in my grasp, and I can see it. A year from now, I want to be able to flip through a yearbook filled with the memories of those in my last three years. I want to see in my mirror, a girl who can do anything. I want to see that it has all paid off. All those night sitting with the lights off, but the laptop on, studying for all the many exams ahead. All the times I noted every word said in class, even if it wasn’t required knowledge. All  those test prep classes taken, thousands of dollars gone, with trips back and forth, from here to there, traveling everywhere, would be worth the effort because one year from now, I’ll be who I always wanted to be, I’ll be where I always wanted to be. Not only will I have pleased everyone else, but one year from now, I’ll have pleased myself, for making it to the days I always dreamed of, the days after all the pressure has been removed, glory days. Just maybe; one year from now, that reflection in the mirror, will be perfection.

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