99 Days Without You

Louis journal after Harry commits suicide

credit to original author


12. Day 79-90

 Day Seventy-Nine:
I think it’s going to be a daily routine, visiting your grave. I promise to bring a rose every day, just so I can at least compare somewhat to all of these beautiful flowers surrounding you. There are daisies and lilies, you always loved lilies.
I sat and sang to you today; I hope you heard it wherever you are. I know how much you love that song. It brings the memories flooding back to me, and I remember that day at the judge’s house when you sang your heart out just to impress them. I’ll never forget your voice in that song, or your voice in any song for that matter.
But I sang it for another reason, Harry.
I’m torn. I really am. I don’t know what to do… and I just want you to send me something, anything at all. I need a sign telling me if I’m making the right decision or not.

Day Eighty & Eight-One:
I’m sorry I didn’t visit you yesterday. Niall, Liam, and Zayn seemed to have different plans, and dragged me along to the beach.
It’s not warm enough out yet, but they seemed to think that it’d be a good time regardless of what the weather was like. Truth be told, I hated it. While they ran across the sand kicking a football around, I sat up in the grass, watching the waves roll over the coast and thrash against the rocks.
It was so peaceful and tranquil. I had almost lost myself in the scene when I heard a voice. Your voice to be exact. I could feel your presence beside me, as you slung your arm around my shoulder. When I looked over, you were smiling widely towards me, grinning the grin that had always caused my heart to stutter.
“I love the beach Lou, isn’t it beautiful?”
By then I was so overwhelmed I wasn’t able to answer, and the tears overcame my ability to speak or even move quickly. The boys immediately noticed and rushed to my side, carrying me away as I yelled your name, begging you to come back.
Today I am confined to spending the whole day with Zayn, who had gently offered to take me under his wing for the night. I declined, but after a lot of insisting and pleading, stating that it was of my best interest, I gave in angrily.
We did nothing really, just sat and talked about everything. He wouldn’t even let me talk about you though, and it hurt me. I’m still so sorry I couldn’t come.

Day Eighty-Two:
I swore I heard you singing today. In the middle of my showering, I could hear the faint hum of your voice singing along with the song blaring through the speakers. The voice was so beautiful and alluring, I found myself instantly becoming entranced within it. I knew it was your voice the second I heard it.
You sound so beautiful Harry. You truly sound like an angel now.
I visited your grave finally again today, with three roses this time, for the two days that I missed. When I sang, I could hear the echoing chorus of your own voice melodizing with my own. I sang “Moments” just for you, because I know how much you liked that song. I remember one time you teared up while performing it, and had to wipe the tears away as you continued.

Day Eighty-Three:
The boys think I’m getting better. They think I’m moving on. But the truth is that they don’t know how I’ve been hearing your voice sing me to sleep every night.
Day Eighty-Four:
I saw you in my dreams last night. You were on stage, which isn’t surprising because you had always told me that’s where you loved to be the most. You looked at me and smiled, beckoning me to come closer.
When you took hold on my hands, it felt as if you were real… and I never wanted to let go. I never wanted the moment to end. Your mouth leaned down to brush against the shell of my ear, and I immediately felt the shivers running down my spine.
“Come with me.” You whispered, and pulled back only a short amount of time before crashing your lips against mine.
It was the most perfect kiss I had ever had. Yet it wasn’t real.
So when I woke up only to find you not there beside me, I began to cry.

Day Eighty-Five:
I ran into Eleanor today. She’s been doing well, not that that’s surprising. She had always been kind of selfish, and I can’t believe it took me this long to realize. She asked me how I was doing, though I doubt she could have cared less. Then, she began to talk about you.
I couldn’t bear to hear her speak your name, so I left without a single word.

Day Eighty-Six – Eighty-Eight:
I slept for these three days. There’s not much I can say about them. All I can say is that it felt good to see you, and that’s why I found it so hard to wake up. That’s why I continued to sleep.
I just wanted to see you and hear you.

Day Eighty-Nine:
Liam called me today, asking if I wanted to grab something to eat. My stomach gurgled in response, so I agreed. I guess it was just an excuse to stop torturing myself with the dreams that I had been having…
We passed the graveyard on the way to the restaurant, and I asked the driver to pull over quickly. Liam gave me a strange look, before following my rushing body through the door and towards your grave. I had never visited your grave with anyone else, so I wasn’t quite able to do the usual routine.
I’m sorry.
But I did manage to sing to you, along with Liam. Our voices echoed throughout the graveyard, bouncing from tombstone to tombstone, sending our voices flying through the area. I hope you liked our song. But I do miss singing to you with just me around, so I think I’ll stick to visiting you alone.
By the way, the food at the restaurant was good, and I’m finally regaining my appetite. Not that it matters.

Day Ninety:
Today I visited my mother, right after I visited you of course. I spent the entire day lounging around the house, playing with the girls and catching up with mum and Mark.
It felt nice to be with the family again, and it hurt that I had to leave them soon.
When I pecked mum on the cheek, baring my farewell to her, she held me close to her. She didn’t want me to leave, and she made that clear when she began begging me to stay for the night, which I agreed to.
I guess I might as well have the decency to spend more time with my family before I leave.


Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...