99 Days Without You

Louis journal after Harry commits suicide

credit to original author


6. Day 17-23

Day Seventeen-Twenty:
I’m sorry I forgot to write an entry the past few days. To be honest, I haven’t even left my bed. I’m just so TIRED. I guess you would understand, since you’re asleep for an eternity now. Was that rude to say? I don’t know. I don’t know what happens after you pass, but some have said it’s just a world of black you’re surrounded in. God, I sure hope you’re not sitting in blackness Harry, you deserve to sing with the angels.
I bet you’d sound pretty good harmonizing with them, I’ve always thought you had a voice like the angels. Maybe you could be my guardian angel and sing me to sleep sometime, okay?
Anyways, back to the previous days. As I said, I’ve just been so tired. I haven’t left my bed. All I have to accompany me is my laptop, which I don’t mind. There are tons to do online. But I try my best to avoid any social networking sites. I’m just not ready to face the real world quite yet.
Niall has stopped by quite a bit. I think he’s the most worried about me out of everyone. I used to be the one who always smiled, and always brightened everyone else’s day. Now that I’m no longer that person, Niall tries to be there. He tries to make me smile, and I appreciate the effort.
I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to smile again.

Day Twenty-One & Twenty-Two:
Liam stayed over the past two nights. He’s sleeping on the couch next to me now. It feels good to have somebody staying in the flat with me. When it’s just me, it feels so big and empty. I think I may have one of the boys sleep over more often. If that’s okay with you?
I just don’t want to feel alone anymore.
Zayn finally called me today. He apologized for blowing up on me. I was just glad to finally hear his voice directed towards me. I of course apologized for hiding the note. He stated that he totally understood my reasoning behind it. I think we may finally be heading towards peace.
Oh, I broke up with Eleanor a while ago. In case you wanted to know. The day I found you, actually. I just haven’t had the courage to write it down until now.
You should have just held on for one more day. Then you’d still be here with me. We could finally be happy.

Day Twenty-Three:
Therapy is absolute torture. I’m not getting any better. Sarah keeps telling me to give it up, and stop writing these entries because they’re not helping me. But I can’t stop. If I stop, I’ll feel as if I’m betraying you.
I can’t let you down again.

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