99 Days Without You

Louis journal after Harry commits suicide

credit to original author


5. Day 14-16

Day Fourteen:
I’d just like to say that I wasn’t willing to go to therapy. But the boys insisted that I go. I went, but I didn’t like it. The therapist poked and prodded me for information, asking me about how I felt and what my thoughts were. I didn’t like the invasion of privacy. My thoughts were meant to stay hidden, not to end up in here.
But now here I am, writing to you.
I can sometimes feel you, you know. It’s like you’re watching me. Instead of being scary, like I imagined it would be, it’s actually quite comforting.

Day Fifteen:
And now here I am, present day. Today, I feel… empty. But I guess that’s just what comes with losing the person you love, right? Sarah read over my journal last night—did I forget to tell you my therapists name is Sarah? Oh well, it is.
She seemed disappointed in me, but I couldn’t find myself to care. She told me to stop writing these entries, but I told her that it was actually helping me. In a way it is. I feel as if you’re here with me, reading everything I jot down on this page.
Right then, back to today. I didn’t do much to be quite honest. Niall came over, and we watched a couple movies to try and return back to the old days. Liam called me just to check up. Still no word from Zayn though, and I’m starting to worry our friendship will never patch up.

Day Sixteen:
People are saying that One Direction is over, and it’s really tearing me up inside. It’s only been a little over two weeks and already people are starting to talk. The boys and I are trying to get back to work, but it’s just too soon. We don’t think we can handle going up on stage or to the studio quite yet, knowing that we’re down a member, who isn’t coming back.
It’s not as if we’ve denied the rumors. In fact, I wouldn’t even consider us One Direction anymore either. With just the four of us it’s just Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, and Zayn Malik. You came up with the name Haz, so without you here it just feels wrong to call ourselves that.
I know you probably would want us to move on, and keep going with our career as a band. But it’s just so HARD.

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