Choosing One Direction

Emily, the dancer for One Direction's upcoming tour, has finally made her choice of which guy she wants to be with. As the group starts their tour, all seems well, until scandal arises again. Emily thought the drama was behind her- but what if she was wrong? What if choosing one direction may be harder than she thought?

Sequel to More Than One Direction


3. Little Things

I look deep into Niall's eyes. Is he serious? He seems sincere, as he gently starts to cradle my hand in his own.
I shake my head slowly.
"No," I say, "No, Niall, I can't anymore."
"You felt something," he states simply, "I know you felt something when we kissed. Please Emily, you're just afraid."
Leave it to Nialler to see right through me. I'm terrified. Utterly terrified. I've never been in love. Once I thought I was, back when I didn't know what it meant.
But Niall taught me a new meaning, simply- Sometimes you just know.
I am afraid to know. I am afraid to let my heart love another. I am afraid of rejection, and pain, and most of all, I'm afraid of love.
I don't want to be hurt. I've always been extremely guarded, now I'm afraid to let down that guard.
And Niall. I'm especially afraid to let it down for Niall. There would be no turning back. No self reconstruction. I'd be done, that's it.
If I let Niall love me, all he'd do is leave me.
And then I'd be dead inside.
I sigh, "No, I am not afraid Niall. I just can't do that to the others, you know that."
His eyes develop crystal clear lines of water around the edges.
"But," he starts, "but I love you," his voice barely comes out in a whisper.
"I know you do Niall," I say as I cuddle my head into his chest, "But I need to sort things out."
We sit there in silence for a few moments, until a knock comes at the door.
I walk to the door and open it.
The others.
Liam walks in first, silently. Louis follows behind him, giving me a hug and a soft kiss on the cheek.
They both sit on the couch beside Niall, which leaves me to the chair that faces them.
I pull my legs up to my chest and hug them close to me. What are they here for?
"We came to see how you are," Louis says, allowing a gentle smile to take his lips.
"Harry told us you've been thinking," Liam says, "Any decision yet?"
I bite my lip and close my eyes. I lean back into the chair. I wish they weren't here.
"You can tell us, Em," Niall's beautifully evident Irish voice travels to my ears.
I open my eyes and face them all.
I think I might know, seeing them all here, who I want to be with.
But I'm not quite sure yet.
"Anyone for some coffee?"
They all let out a huge sigh, which makes me smile. I haven't smiled in days.
'Why can't I have all three?' I think to myself as I walk to my kitchen and prepare a pot of coffee. 
As I'm getting mugs out of the cabinet, I hear the boys whispering.
"It's gonna be me."
"No way, it's gonna be me."
"She loves me, I know it."
Their soft voices make it hard to distinct between them, but I decide to ignore it all anyway. This is not how I want it to be.
I walk out to the living room.
"Listen, when I make my decision, you'll know. For now, I really need to think this through. I can't make the wrong choice."
They all nod silently. Liam stands and approaches me, grabbing my hands in his.
"Em, think of those kisses. Think of how they made you feel. We go together so well. Those kisses were the best I've ever had. You know they were great too."
"Wait, kiss-ES, like plural? How many times have you guys kissed?"
I stop breathing. I only told Niall about the first kiss, not the passionate elevator one.
"Only twice Niall, after you left-"
He cuts me off, "How come you can kiss him twice but only me once?"
He sounds hurt, not angry. I don't know which would be worse.
"Wait, you two have kissed?"
I look to Louis, who looks like he's just been hit with an arrow in the heart.
"I didn't know either Lou," Liam says as he lets go off my hands. They each look equally hurt. But I can't just protect their feelings, I need to protect my own too.
"Sit down," I say softly, and I'm unsure if I've actually said it when they hesitate before sitting.
I close my eyes so I can clearly talk without letting their beautiful faces stop me.
"Liam and I kissed, the first time on our date. When we were in the hospital, after Niall stormed out, Liam and I got trapped in an elevator,  where we kissed again. Niall and I kissed too, that night. And while I'm at it, Louis and I almost kissed as well. But Demi Lovato interrupted."
As I say my sentences slowly, my emotions for each boy become muddled in my heart. But my logic kicks in; I am a slut. I deserve everything Martina and her crew tried to give me. And I deserve the pain and suffering from what I'm about to do.
"Leave, all of you."
I face them, their faces twisted in confusion.
"I can't do this to any of you anymore. I'm done. I don't choose. I'm not choosing."
I walk towards the door, open it, and gesture for them to leave.
They leave one by one, sad looks on each of their faces.
When they all leave, I feel a burden lifted off my shoulders. I no longer have to hurt them. I no longer have to keep them in endless suspense. They'll get over me, move on, but I can't hurt them anymore. And I don't deserve to be with any of them anyway.
But this burden lifted is replaced with a new one, the idea that I may have just told the love of my life, my possible soulmate, that I'm not going to be with them.
I pour myself a cup of coffee, settle into my couch, and cry. I cry for hours and hours.
When my tears dry up, I take Lil Payne into bed with me and cuddle with him.
I guess the little things can help make you forget how bad your life is.

So I hope you're all enjoying the sequel so far! If you want to vote, you still can, but who knows how this story will turn out ;)
Also, my cover is only temporary, so anyone who wants to make one, just email it to me!

Anyone looking for a great fan fic to read, try "Forever Young" by Lucy Wolf. It is brilliantly written and a very charming story with a lot of heart. She's been updating pretty frequently and I can tell it's going to be a great story!

Thanks for reading, love you all!!
Love, Emily xoxo
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