In the Blink of an Eye.

Throughout Lacie's entire life she had struggled. Struggled to stay happy, struggled to smile, it seemed as if she was struggling to breathe. Everything was a mess, her parents were constantly fighting, her sister got into an accident, and she was bullied in school. One night everything goes downhill. With her dad now dead, and her mom in jail, she can't do it anymore. With one last hug with her little brother she goes upstairs and does something no one would have expected. Thankfully, she survives. While she's away in the hospital her whole perspective of life changes. She meets knew people with stories similar to hers, she meets people with stories worse than hers, and she falls in love. Just when things seem to be getting better, it gets ten times worse. Which sends her crashing down into a pit of depression again. Will things ever be normal?

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1. Final Decision

  The date was July 7th, 2015. The time; 1:56 in the morning. I hadn't slept yet, due to the fact my parents were fighting once again. I was 18 years old, and I was growing sick and tired of them arguing. Since the day I can remember they had always fought over stupid, pointless, things. Yeah, I know, all couples fight, all couples have their moments. But with my mom and dad, it wasn't the routine fifteen minute argument where one person calls the other one 'pathetic' and slams the door, and the other person drives off somewhere to get away. Nope, with them it would last for hours, and sometime would continue on for days, only stopping a little bit in between because they would be too tired to keep screaming. But once they woke up, they would go at it again; all day long.

My mom and dad were violent, too. Mainly my mother, but my dad would push her down here and there. But hey, she deserved it. Even now I still have flashbacks of when I was younger and I would have to pull my mom off of my dad and throw her to the ground screaming at her. I can still remember the time I had gotten into a fist fight with my mom because I told her to 'Shut the fuck up' while they were fighting. Damn, that women can hit.

My older sister, Shannon, was always the only one that would get involved physically when my parents would fight. My younger brother and I were too scared. When I was fifteen she moved away to live with our real father. After that, I was the one who had to jump in and separate them. My mom and dad's fighting reminded me somewhat of the jungle; two lions trying to get the last of the deer carcus. My parents fought like that.

Shannon got into an accident about nine months ago and she has been in a coma ever since. It's tragic. She's all I can think about and I can't help cry myself to sleep every night, praying that she'll pull through. Just knowing the fact my parents would fight all night long, rather than see their own daughter in the hospital kills me. Joey - my brother, and I were sitting up in my room watching T.V trying to ignore the screaming and clashing going on downstairs. He's sixteen now and he's grown so much from 2012. Now five feet and eleven inches, he's like a tower over me. He lost a lot of weight, and he now weighs 160. I'd say about 15 pounds of that is pure muscle. Joey started going to the gym, and jogging with me, and on top of that he played football. It had all worked out so well in the end, and I was probably the most proud sister on the planet. 

Just then, I heard my mom scream louder than I had ever heard her scream before. Joey and I looked at each other and shot up off my bed. We ran downstairs and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My father was face - down on the floor and he wasn't moving. There was blood on the floor coming from his head, and next to him was broken glass all over the place. I saw my mom take the nearest thing she could find, in this case, a candle, and just started hitting him in the same spot over and over again. She was crying as she did this, and screaming. Screaming things like, "I hate you. I hope you die you piece of fucking shit. I hope you die." 

I nearly sprinted across my kitched and slammed into my mom with full force, almost feeling like a football player. The two of us landed on the floor me on top of her. She was yelling at me and flailing her arms trying to hit me. 

"Why would you do that? You bitch what is wrong with you!" She screamed as he hit me on the side of my face with the candle. It hurt, but I didn't show it. I just pinned her to the floor, taking the candle from her hand and throwing it. I was strattling my mom trrying to keep her down. I yelled to my little brother and told him to call 911 and then check on dad. 

"What's wrong with me?" I was yelling in my moms face now, "What's wrong with me?" I repeated. "Nothing is wrong with me mom. You're the one who is trying to fucking murder your husband in front of your two kids, while your other daughter is lying in a hospital bed pretty much dead! Do you even give a shit about what happens to Shannon? Or are you just too eager to beat the fuck out of dad? You couldn't care less if she dies, could you? You don't care about any of us! You never have! You suck as a parent! This is so pathetic! I'm so sick of all this fighting, I just can't do it anymore!" 

My mom started crying, so I got up thinking she was calmed down a bit. I was wrong. As soon as I stood up she jumped up and punched me straight in the face. I fell to the ground and she stood over me. "I hate you" She said as she started hitting me again. She was swinging so fast I didn't even know what to do, or how to make her stop. I kept glancing at my dad hoping, praying, that he would get up and get her off of me. But he didn't move. 

"Joey! Joey help! Please!" I screamed. 

Just then the door swung open and I saw two men run into the house. It was the police.

"Help!" I screamed again.

The two men ran over and pulled my mom off of me. One of them was on her left side grabbing her by the arm, and the other man on her right. She was kicking and jumping around trying to get loose. She spat at me, and as the cops were dragging her outside to be put in the cop car she was yelling at me. "I hate you. I hate you so much, and I wish you were never born. You are the worst daughter in the world, and I don't care what happens to you. I'm no longer your mother and I want absolutely nothing to do with you. I hope he's dead. And I hope you follow right behind him. I want you dead." 

I fell to my knees and broke out in tears. The cop car drove off and my brother ran over to me trowing himself into me, hugging me. "Don't listen to her, Lace. Okay? Don't you listen to it. She's going where she belongs; to jail."

I buried my face into his chest and just cried. I looked up to see my dad being wheeled out of the house on one of those gernie things the ambulances have. His whole body was covered in a black bag. My brother must have felt me look up because he put his hand on the back of my head and tried to get me to look down into his chest again.

"Don't look, Lacie. There's nothing to see. It's nothing."

I pulled away from him and staggered to my feet. Running to the side of my dad's body. 

"No! No this isn't happening. Please God, no. This can't be real."

I was trying to unzip the bag to see my fathers face again. One of the medics pulled me back. I fell to my knees again, this time in this man's arms. "No! Stop! Let me see him! Let me see my dad! Get him out of that bag what are you doing? He can't breathe with a bag over him!" 

My brother was on the ground now, too. His hands covering his face, I could tell he was sobbing. The other two medics put my dad in the back of the ambulance  I watched as the doors shut. One of the men, a short guy turned to look at his team mate and I."Dave, let's go!" 

The man behind me shouted back, "No, I'll stay here. I'll get picked up later! I'm going to make sure these two are okay!" 

The other guy didn't say anything, just got in the ambulance and left.  I cried and cried. Seeing my brother cry made me cry even harder. I stood up and went over to my brother. He had stood up and hugged me again. The two of us cried in each others arms and the medical man joined us. 

"Let's go inside." Said Dave. "I'll get you kids some water and food, okay?"

My brother and I went inside and sat on the couch. No one said a word. Dave was pouring some water into a glass, but I could see him looking around at all the blood everywhere. 

"Please. Tell me he isn't really dead. Tell me this is just some sick joke and everything is going to be okay." I said.

Dave took a deep breath and put the glass down. He walked over to where I was sitting and knelt down in front of me. He placed his hands on my knees and said, "I'm so very sorry. But this isn't a joke. Your dad," he paused and wiped his eyes, for he was tearing up. "Your dad had passed away. It shouldn't have had to end like this, and I don't know what I can do or say to make you or your brother feel any better." 

"There isn't anything you can do." Said Joey. "There's nothing anyone can do. Go away. Go back to your perfect little life, in your perfect little home, with your perfect little job! Just leave, we don't want you here!"

He was talking very loudly now. Dave went to say something but my brother cut him off, "LEAVE" He said standing up. 

Dave stood up as well, and put his hands in the air. "Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll go now, and I'm very sorry about what you two are going through right now."He walked out and that was the last I had ever seen of Dave.

I felt as if I was going into a state of shock. I was having a hard time breathing, and time was just going so slow. Joey sat back down, and I stood up. I sighed and gave him a hug. "I love you. I'm going upstairs. I need to sleep or something." 

"I love you, too, Lacie." he said.

I walked away and started crying. I made sure not to make it too obvious though. Once I got up to my bedroom and flung myself onto my bed and put my face into my pillow.  I let out a scream and cried some more. I got up and started pacing around my room. Back and forth, and I was talking to myself. Saying things like, why did you stay upstairs? why couldn't you just go down before it got to that point? Lacie youre so fucking stupid. No he's dead and it's all your fault. I kept repeating what my mom had said to me as well.  I walked into the bathroom and took a razor from the drawer, and my bottle of sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.

When I got back to my room I set the items on my bureau and took out a sheet of paper and a pen. 

                  Dear Joey,

         By the time you read this I should be gone. Please don't cry. I'm not much to cry over anyways. I love you, and that's all that matters. You're my everything. You meant the world to me and I want you to know that. Don't give up. Stay strong for Shannon. When she wakes up and gets back to normal I want you to hug her. Don't let go until neither of you two can breathe. Tell her how much you love her. Don't take the easy way out of this, Jo-Jo. Stay strong and keep fighting. Don't let people bring you down and stay amazing. I know this is going to be hard for you, but trust me when I say, this was the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm can't apologize enough. I just... I couldn't do it. I know you'll get through this. Because you're strong, you always have been. Through all the years of the fighting you were the one who never lost composure. You never gave up hope and you always had such a positive attitude. I love you, and I wish I was as strong as you. Please never forget about me, and never give up. Finish school, and get a huge house in the Bahamas like we always talked about. Marry the girl of your dreams, and treat her like a princess. But if she treats you like anything less than a KING I will come back and haunt her. haha. Okay, it's time for me to go now. I love you so much, and you will always be my baby brother. 

                        Love Always,  Lacie. xoxo

  I wiped the tears from my face, folded up the paper, and kissed it. I took out a blank piece of paper and started writing again. 

                 Dear Mom,

I hope you're happy. I hope you feel like shit, because that's how you made me feel. This is your fault. At least you got what you wanted, I followed right behind my dad.  

                        Lacie.  

                 Dear Dad,

You will never see this but  I just wanted you to know that I love you so much. You have always been there for me my whole life. Even though you weren't my real father, that never changed anything between us. You practically were my biological dad. You were the worlds most amazing dad. I love you and I never said it enough. I never told you how much you meant to me, and now it's too late. That's okay though, I'll see you soon. I love you so much, daddy.  

Love Always, Daddies girl, Lacie. 

                  Dear Shannon,

When you wake up, you'll hear the news. I am so sorry. I really am. I missed you so much before I left. And I hated not being able to call you whenever I needed help with my math homework, I hated not being able to call you and ramble on and on about One Direction. I missed the stupid fights we would get into over nothing. I just missed YOU. You were my only sister, and I never acted like it. I was always so rude to you. Especially in school. I should have walked with you in the halls instead of acting like I didn't know you. I should have sat with you at lunch, and just laughed super loud with you. I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I can't be there to see you wake up. Please, don't forget about me. Watch over Joey, too. He's going to need you now more than ever. I love you ok? So much. 

Love, your little sister, Lacie.

                  To anyone I didn't write a letter to, 

If we knew eachother, I am so sorry. Keep your heads up, you'll get over me eventually. Pretty soon I'll be nothing but a memory. Or a picture. A letter. You'll all move on with your lives and realize that hey, it isn't that bad. I love you all and I will be watching over you all. 

If we didn't know eachother, and you're hearing about my story, or reading this, I love you. You are all beautiful, and don't let people bring you down. If someone bullies you, ignore it. It may hurt, it may make you cry but guess what. They're just words. People will always talk. People will always have something to say about you, whether it's good or bad. They don't care. Just never give up. Never take the easy way out. And always stay strong. 

Love, Lacie. 

I folded up the last sheet of paper and set it nicely on top of the others. I curled up in a ball and cried. The crying went on for about ten minutes.

Then I sat up, took a deep breath and grabbed the razor. I pressed it to my wrist, pushed down, and glided it from one side to the next. Blood immediately falling from my arm. I took a deep breath and moved the blade up about a quarter-inch and repeated. I cut about five lines, the same way each time. Then I took the bottle of sleeping pills and opened it. I breathed a couple of times and dumped the bottle of pills in my mouth. I made sure not to let a single one fall out. I grabbed my water bottle and drank it. I laid back in my bed and just shut my eyes; waiting for nature to take it's course. 

This may sound odd, but I was happy. I couldn't help but smile. I was leaving this horrible life I lived. I wasn't going to have to deal with anyone anymore. Wherever I go when I pass, whether it's Heaven, Hell, just in a coffin in the ground- wherever. I just wanted to go there. I wanted to be gone already.

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