Rimmington: Better Than Sliced Bread ( A Love Story)

Once upon a time, dear reader, there was a place called Runescape. And in this land, there were many great cities with their own little histories and their heroes, and their who-di-nannies and their wot-nots. This isn't about them. This is the story of Rimmington, the greatest city that Runescape has to offer.


1. Eventine and Dmitri the Old


Rimmington: Home of Runescape's most beloved/feared old man: Dmitri. Over the last few years, his current goal has been to inhabit the ruins of Melzar the Mad's old home. Success was limited, and he required the help of a young strong adventurer named Eventine. Of course, Dmitri didn't know that Eventine was the one who had ended Melzar altogether, but the little that he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Eventine: Dmitri... I brought you the camel dung you asked for. And the plank from a tree that only had three branches... And the tongue of an igloo...  

Dmitri: Oh dear. I thought you would have been gone longer... Where did you find these ingredients?

Eventine: It is amazing what you can find on the grand exchange these days...  

Dmitri: Oh, that new-fangled technology. You kid adventurers these days with your do-dads and your wot-nots. Some day that thing will crash and burn, and then where will you be, eh? Lost in the lair of a Snarly Waggle no doubt. Why, I remember when I was clipping my toe nail the other day when such a thought-  

Eventine: Listen, I got the stuff you wanted, could you at least just take it and use it?  

Dmitri: Why, I  can't just use these items, Eventine. I have to  court them first. A waltz is traditional. And then dinner. And  then I can use them.   Eventine: Why do you want to refurbish Melzar's place anyways? It is more trouble than it is worth. The place is overrun with vermin, and it will take more than dung, planks, and tongues to fix it.   

Dmitri: Oh, my naive, maladroitic, imp-like friend: there is more to this house than looks. Melzar and I go way back, you see. Before you were born even. Melzar and I and a group of... coworkers... used to run and protect Rimmington behind its back.We were a group of elite scholars, warriors, pig-handlers, habbadashers and dancers that handled the problems that really plagued this place once upon a time.  

Eventine: There have always been problems everywhere in Runescape though...  

Dmitri: Rimmington was different. There was a concentrated evil that lurked around this place, and wouldn't leave... We kept this evil at bay, killing these nasty creatures that creeped on us... The Board of Governors of Rimmington were not to be messed with.   

Eventine: I've never heard of a board for Rimmington...  

Dmitri: And justly so! We were a secretive group who didn't flaunt our true worth! Why, if everyone knew we were here, this place would be over run with tourists just like Falador and Varrock. We needed to keep people away from Rimmington, away from the untold horrors...  

Eventine: Like what?  

Dmitri:  Have you ever heard a Gaddershank’s wail, as it realizes its death is imminent? How about the sound of a Figgletig’s last laugh as it is run through with a blade? Or a Snarly Waggle’s gasp, when it realizes its disguise has been seen through? If you are like most people, dear Gus-gus, you would say “Dmitri, what have you been drinking this time to come up with a creature named ‘Snarly Waggle.’ You need to do better things with your time than looking for the antlers of the three-legged snail that you claim led to the downfall of the halibut." 

                                *Dmitri gives a deliberate whack to the Eventine's head*

Eventine: What did I do?!

Dmitri: You were thinking that I am old and crazy.

Eventine: Well, when you talk about snail antlers...

                               *Another whack*

Dmitri: Stop interrupting. Now, where was I? Oh yes... As history will commonly show us, but few will notice, there were a lot of problems in Rimmington: Gaddershanks, Tillburns, Snarly Waggles, and other sorts of monsters haunted the city. The Board took it upon themselves to secretly govern Rimmington and protect it from these monsters. It wasn’t evident why this city was so haunted until later, when one of the original governs revealed that he had in his possession a very old teapot. Armed with this, he said, these ghouls were helpless. And he was right.

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