Butterflies

Robyn's just been dumped.

To be honest she saw it coming, he'd done it before, she just believed it was her lot in life to continually deal with it.

But things are changing, Robyn's opening her eyes and starting to realise that her life isn't as mapped out as she once thought. Fate has something interesting in store for her. But is she ready for it?

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent- Eleanor Roosevelt

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9. Abyss

Darkness all around me.

Thick, suffocating fog with the consistency of an oily sludge is everywhere. Wrapped around my body and trying to enter through every pore; I'm drowning in the sheer volume of it. I'm scared and for the first time, completely unsure of my next move.  

Pushing aside the debilitating fear for a minute, my mind focuses instead on the total devastation I just witnessed. My Gran. Forgotten for months when she was at the other end of the phone, she's all I can think about now when she's lost to me. I don't understand how I'd managed to erase such an amazing person from my life but I won't let myself push it away now, even though it's breaking me: the pain is welcome. Holding on to the heartbreak I think of all the other people lost to me for various reasons. My parents thousands of miles away and a partner for life, lost. I'm all alone in the darkness. My biggest nightmare realised.

As my pain and loneliness consumes me so does the poisoned darkness. I feel it slither into my body wrapping it's oily tentacles around my heart, choking me. I feel desolate and resigned as the darkness buries itself deep within me, my acceptance the gatekeeper to it's admittance.

I hear a muffled yell somewhere in front of me. The darkness wavers, as if shocked that anyone else is here. But it doesn't sound like they're here, it's so far away. As if I'm under the quilt and they're trying to shout at me through it. I strain to hear it again and after what seems like an eternity the shout is louder, more panicked:

'Robyn, come back to me damn it!' Someone says. The voice is deep, masculine, protective, angry. I recognise it but can't put a name to it. Exhausted at the effort I turn away from the sound and continue to mourn my lost family and life. The darkness recommences it's creeping through my soul, and I surrender it, wanting something to take control and end the pain and the fear.

The voice changes tact, reining in his anger he whispers softly: 

'Remember your dog Robyn, Rosie?...' Rosie's loveable little face enters my thoughts '...she needs you to come back Robyn..I...I..do-o too' he chokes out. He needs me? Who is this guy that's trying to drag me back from peace? Why does the darkness recede as my heart pumps fast, excited at the thought of him. How can this be happening when I don't even know who he is? 

As I'm pondering these thoughts and getting increasingly annoyed at this man's insistence on wrecking my solitude my body is suddenly on fire. Not a suffocating flame, but an invigorating smoulder that works it's way through my lips and straight to my heart, making it pound so hard I feel that it'll explode. The flame continues relentlessly and I suddenly realise where it's coming from...Ethan's lips on mine, he won't let me go.

And suddenly I don't want to let go anymore.

I throw my whole body into kissing him back wanting him more than breathing as the darkness fights me. It tries to pull me back, to attack my body and carry on it's relentless possessing of my soul but I refuse to let it. With every thunderous heart beat I push it back further and further until quickly it's only present outside of my body, hissing at me like a trapped snake.

I giggle at my accomplishment, proud of myself for taming the beast and suddenly the kiss has stopped. About to protest I open my eyes and see the soft hues of the street lights shining down on me and Ethan crouched in the street. I blink and realise I'm gripping his face and he's hugging my waist.

I stare at him shocked and he stares back a frightened look in his beautiful blue eyes. He goes to release his arms but before he can move away I launch myself at him, hands exploring his soft dark hair as I mash my lips against his, craving his kiss.

'You wouldn't let me go' I whisper against his lips, afraid to break this moment, to analyse it and most likely ruin it. 

'I-I couldn't. I won't.' Ethan whispers back softly.

I feel my wings extend out with happiness and pulse with delight. I giggle again as they flutter around me, pulling me off the ground slightly. I want to soar, to spin and twirl in the sky. I feel Ethan's wings tentatively flair into the air, as if unused to the feelings coming off of me in waves but eager to participate in it. 

Suddenly we're both in the air, our wings pulsing madly and fluttering majestically. I lose myself in his kiss as he hugs me tightly against him re-affirming his words: he won't let me go. 

 

 

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